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Music.

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Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Self-Initiative Project Podcast.

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I’m your host, Jim O’Brien. Hello, and welcome to episode 25.

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Today, I have my very special guest, Kelly Sayre, with The Diamond Arrow Group,

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and we’re going to be talking about situational awareness and why some people

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may not take their personal safety as seriously as they should and things that

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they might can do to get started in that area.

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So I want to welcome Kelly. Kelly, how are you?

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I’m doing good. How are you? I’m doing great. You know, in the spirit of transparency

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now, this is our third time attempting this podcast.

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So fingers crossed. I feel good vibes, good energy in the air.

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I think we’re going to get through it today.

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So thanks for doing this with me and thanks for your patience and doing it again

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for the third time with me.

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I’m very happy that you kept inviting me

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back and being willing to try and try again it

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wasn’t my fault i swear so before

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we get started as usual i like to take the time up front to let our guests tell

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us about themselves their background who they are how they got started in their

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history so with that i’ll let you take it away for a few minutes sure so as

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you mentioned My name is Kelly Sayre.

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I am the founder of the Diamond Arrow Group.

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It’s a company where I teach situational awareness to women,

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specifically geared towards women.

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I had taken a self-defense class and we spent, you know, four hours going through

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movements, going through motions. And at the very end, they said,

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you know, hopefully you never get into a physical fight.

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You want to avoid a physical confrontation by any means possible.

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You really need to be more situationally aware.

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And then they sent us on our way.

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And for me, I was like, I thought we were going to talk more about this situational

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awareness thing and what that means, what that looks like and give us examples. Yeah.

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And that really kind of was the tipping point to realize there is when I started

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looking then for the information geared towards me as a female everyday person and couldn’t find it.

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And that’s when I really started doing the deep dive and reading a lot of the

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books and taking a lot of the things that I took for granted that I just did

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myself in regards to my personal safety and being aware of my surroundings and reading body language.

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And put together more of a formal curriculum, I guess you could call it.

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And here we are, three years later, started out as kind of that side business, side hustle.

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And now I do this full time and doing classes and presentations.

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Obviously, right now during the times, lots of virtual presentations.

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But I’m looking forward to getting back out and in front of people because that’s

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really where I can see that light bulb moment go off in women’s heads and they say, oh, I get it.

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I, you know, I know what you’re talking about.

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This is common sense. I’ve just never looked at these skills that I already

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have through the lens of my personal safety.

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So that’s kind of the impetus that keeps me going is when women have that aha

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moment and they realize they can do these things.

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They can be more cognizant of their personal safety and they have the skills

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and tools already. Yeah.

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Now, one of the things, and I guess I’m fortunate at this point that I have points of reference,

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but one of the things we were talking about last time is you had,

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I guess, a real job at one point in time, like an executive job of some sort,

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and you were asked to speak,

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and you decided that this was going to be your topic, if I remember right?

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Yes yes so again the

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whole situational awareness and people say well where did it start i’ve

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always been fascinated by the james

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bond jason born movies kind of being able to read people and know what they

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were going to do before they did it yeah but i never realized it was a thing

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it just wasn’t in my bubble and wasn’t in my daily life so i never realized it was a real thing.

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I thought it was, oh, that’s just for super secret, you know,

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CIA spies are just in the movie. Well.

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I’ve always carried myself. I’ve been someone who’s gotten the opportunity to

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travel a lot, to go a lot of places. And I moved away from home and couldn’t

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wait to spread my wings and fly.

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So I’ve had opportunities where I was living on my own as a single woman or

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living with my best friend as two single women.

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And so just the different things that we had to do to make sure we were safe. Sure.

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When I moved back to where I currently live, I had was a part of an executive peer group of women.

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And there was 12 of us. So each of us had one month to do a presentation on

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a special skill that we had or special knowledge that we had that would inform

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the others in the group that would be interesting, that would help them.

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And so for me, I always say I’ve been the jack of all trades and done a lot

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of different jobs over my life because of my adventurous spirit. Sure.

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So what could I really teach them that would be beneficial?

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And I hemmed and hawed and really did some thinking around it.

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And I decided I’m going to do a presentation on situational awareness,

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and I’m going to co-present with my husband, who is law enforcement and retired military,

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and he is going to take, will take the women through an active shooter scenario in an office building.

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Because in the times we live in, that’s a very relevant fear that a lot of people

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have. But again, it’s scary to talk about.

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And especially for women who most of the time, most of the everyday women I

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run into are scared of firearms or scared of violence.

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And that’s just not something they think about, of the violence that they may face.

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They know it’s out there, but it’s easier to stick our heads in the sand and

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pretend it’s not going to happen to us. Yeah, absolutely.

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So when I said, here’s what I’m going to present on, the looks on the ladies’ faces were priceless.

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Kind of like, you’re going to do what? You’re going to talk about what?

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And we’re going to have to watch an active shooter scenario?

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Yeah. So it was a video simulation room that we went in.

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So I did my presentation on body language clusters and how to use all of your

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senses to observe your surroundings, how your subconscious works.

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Takes in those observations and feeds your intuition, how your intuition works,

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because we’ll get these signals from our intuition. And if we don’t quite understand why or how it works.

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It can be confusing or we can second guess our intuition or doubt our intuition.

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Yeah. So my presentation was first and then my husband went through this live

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video scenario with a firearm laser situation type setup.

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So the one wall was a screen. So the ladies were literally sitting behind him

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watching him go through the scene. And, you know, he’s walking past injured

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people saying the gunman went that way, went that way.

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And then he’s walking through past these cubicles and all of a sudden the gunman jumps out.

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You know, he fires, returns fires and eliminates the attacker.

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Well, when that’s done, there was this huge pregnant pause of silence. I’m sure.

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And I was like, oh, gosh, I probably should have asked if anyone had heart problems or any conditions.

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Thankfully, we have a first responder

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here. But and then what happened was amazing. And they had questions.

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And they, you know, why did you walk past the people who were injured when you

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first got in? Why didn’t you render first aid?

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You know, couldn’t you? Why did you have to eliminate the attacker?

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Couldn’t you have just shot him in the arm? And because it’s a small group,

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because we had that trust, because we were an executive peer group that had

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built up, you know, many opportunities to be vulnerable and ask questions that

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we might not otherwise ask in a safe environment. Yeah.

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My husband was able to explain, listen, we have to get, we have to eliminate

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the threat before other people get injured.

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So I my job when

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I come in as a SWAT team member is not

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to provide first aid right my job is

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to make sure no one further gets injured by eliminating the threat and when

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they ask about can you just shoot you know could you just shoot the gun out

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of his hand or just shoot him in the arm he was able to go back and we could

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freeze frame on when my husband took his shots and yes It was a, you know,

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center mass and it was a clump, but still he said, I have 20 years in the military.

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I think at the time, 20 years law enforcement and look at in that moment,

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your adrenaline’s pumping, even though I know it’s a simulation,

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I’m just aiming and firing because I need to do that. How I’m doing it.

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And so what you see in Hollywood, what you see in the TV and movies is just

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not real. It’s not real. and anyone who is.

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Has been around firearms with, trained, will tell you that that’s just not a reality.

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And so for them, it was this eye-opening experience. And they told me,

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Kelly, it’s like seeing the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain.

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We don’t have access to this information.

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We don’t have a connection to law enforcement like you do, where we can ask

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these questions. So for us, we make assumptions, what we see on TV, that forms our reality.

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And so they were really impacted. Again, where I go back to that moment,

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that light bulb, where they’re like, wow, this is really how it works.

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This is really what the law enforcement, the first responders are thinking in these scenarios. Yeah.

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And so that kind of planted the seed for me, like, huh, maybe other people are interested in it.

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Maybe other women do want to learn these skills.

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It’s not just my own nerdy fascination. Yeah.

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And so that really made it become more of a thing in the sense of not.

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I mean, I started on social media from there on Instagram and Facebook sharing

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little tips and tricks, but it really became this.

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OK, it’s not just a small group of people that this could help.

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It’s really a larger population of women in general. Yeah.

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Yeah. And I think, you know, for a lot of people,

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women or otherwise, it’s eye opening when you have the opportunity to interact

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with someone like, you know, first responders, specifically LEO law enforcement

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officers, because, you know.

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Most of us have never had.

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And I use the term loosely, but most of us have never had the opportunity to

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really see or experience violence up front, which is a good thing.

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But we tend not to understand what’s really involved and what goes into it until

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we’ve had the opportunity to interact with someone like military or law enforcement.

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And I think I was telling you before, one of the coolest things I’ve done in

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recent past a couple of years ago.

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I went through our citizens police academy here in the county I reside in and

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I wound up doing not just one, but two 12 hour shifts with the county.

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Went out, I was out of the car operating, you know, in the midst of whatever was going on.

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And I guess, fortunately we weren’t in anything too serious, but

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it’s not until you get to walk a mile in someone’s

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shoes that you really begin to understand what what it is and what it means

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and so for most people myself included we’re not confronted with violence or

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potential violence every day and you know we get a lot of bad information from

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news and media and movies,

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so it was great for them to be able to see that and experience it firsthand.

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And in that environment where they felt safe to ask questions.

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They weren’t intimidated into the fact of like, well, I’m not going to say anything

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because I don’t want to sound stupid.

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They had that opportunity to really be honest and share kind of fears or assumptions

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and get them either validated,

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you know, their assumptions validated or realize, okay, that’s not correct. Yeah.

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And I need to understand that. Yeah, it’s eye-opening for sure.

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I know I took away some things, and if nothing else, you take away a greater

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appreciation for those that do face it or have the potential to face it every day.

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I know referencing, I have the opportunity to reference our past talks.

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So I’m doing this all from memory, but I know, you know, when you were getting

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your start in thinking about doing this,

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you talked about a major event that happened timely or that you were kind of

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indirectly, it was a school shooting, if I remember, right?

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Well, that, yeah, your memory is serving you well.

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So when I, right before I moved to Southern California, my sister was a senior in high school.

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And it was the high school that I had gone through. Our brother had gone through.

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So this was, you know, the last kid in our family in her last year’s school.

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And a freshman brought his dad’s handgun to school and shot inadvertently a

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senior killing him and then shot the freshman student he was targeting.

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And so the senior student that was killed was a friend of my sister’s.

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So that had a really big impact on our family because it’s small town America.

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How could this happen here? And how could it happen to someone we know?

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And so that really, for me back then, brought that reality of it can happen anywhere.

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I think the more recent major event was after I had done that executive peer

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group presentation that was in the winter months.

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That following September, my husband and I were actually attending a wedding

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and he started getting text messages and he’s like, something’s going on.

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I’ve got to go out and listen to my radio because, of course,

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as law enforcement, you never go anywhere without your go bag and radio.

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So he went out to the car, you know, listening to the radio.

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He came back in. He’s like, we got to go. There’s been a stabbing and a shooting at our mall.

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So, again, our community, you know, we got to drive really fast.

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Through town, dropped me off at home. He went in and he ended up covering the

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road because all of the first responders were already on site.

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So he needed to kind of cover the road.

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But what had happened is a young man had taken steak knives to our mall and

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was running around stabbing people.

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And an off-duty armed police officer was there and had confronted him and then

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shot and killed the attacker.

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The interesting part about it that caused a lot of confusion on the front end

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was the attacker dressed, had worked for a little while as, you know,

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for higher security, after-hour security.

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So he had a security uniform on.

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The off-duty police officer was in plain clothes.

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So when people first were reporting and calling 911, all they had seen was somebody,

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a civilian in plain clothes, shot.

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Security officer. Yeah. So as the police officers arrive, that can cause so

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much confusion. And again, okay, we don’t know what’s exactly going on.

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We need to contain, we need to make sure people are safe. We need to figure out what’s going on.

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Yeah. And afterwards, the off-duty officer actually now owns a tactical range

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and teaches firearm safety.

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And when I went to go renew my firearm, my concealed carry permit last fall, he gave the class.

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And so he had the video, the security video, and was able to walk through how he handled it,

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what his thought process was after it was done, how he handled himself so that

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the officers could approach, know that he wasn’t the threat,

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all of these little things that, again, for me, was seeing behind the curtain.

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And seeing how, if you are going to carry a firearm, how important it is to

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have that background knowledge.

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And so that was kind of just a cool thing for me personally.

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But at that time when the incident happened, I had so many women who had seen

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my little social media posts or friends who knew what I was doing say,

00:18:14.453 –> 00:18:16.833
okay, it’s September. This is the mall.

00:18:17.033 –> 00:18:20.713
This is where I drop my kids off to walk around with their friends,

00:18:20.713 –> 00:18:22.773
Holiday shopping season’s coming.

00:18:23.153 –> 00:18:25.953
You know, I’m scared. What can I do?

00:18:26.733 –> 00:18:30.333
And so that’s when they started asking for more classes.

00:18:31.273 –> 00:18:34.873
And then a year after that actually is when Vegas happened.

00:18:35.193 –> 00:18:39.373
The Route 91, was it? Yeah. Concert series shooting.

00:18:40.193 –> 00:18:47.233
Yeah. And so that obviously was a very traumatic event that locally here,

00:18:47.253 –> 00:18:49.933
some kids thought it would be hilarious. Yeah.

00:18:50.273 –> 00:18:55.333
A few weeks after that to drive around neighborhoods, purposely making their car backfire.

00:18:56.833 –> 00:19:03.993
And our local dispatch received over 100 911 calls of a potential active shooter. Wow.

00:19:04.413 –> 00:19:08.953
And so then, of course, you know, the rumor mills and Facebook messages and

00:19:08.953 –> 00:19:14.013
Twitter and all of a sudden, you know, it’s a really bad game of telephone of,

00:19:14.133 –> 00:19:15.853
oh, my gosh, there’s an active shooter.

00:19:16.013 –> 00:19:18.353
Oh, my goodness, they’re headed downtown. Oh, my goodness.

00:19:19.093 –> 00:19:24.253
And all of a sudden, so I started getting a lot of messages and my husband was

00:19:24.253 –> 00:19:27.113
actually in an entirely different state at a training.

00:19:27.813 –> 00:19:32.593
And so I’m texting him like, do you know what’s going on? And he’s like,

00:19:32.753 –> 00:19:35.673
I’m in another state. I have no idea.

00:19:36.013 –> 00:19:39.373
Go to bed. you know and and

00:19:39.373 –> 00:19:42.753
i’m like i get that but you know but who who

00:19:42.753 –> 00:19:45.953
should we call then how do we know there’s

00:19:45.953 –> 00:19:49.393
a lot of people panicking and and

00:19:49.393 –> 00:19:54.573
what it came down to is i think a lot of and i’m not a psychologist so i’m not

00:19:54.573 –> 00:20:01.353
you know an expert in that but to me it was a lot of trauma from the vegas shooting

00:20:01.353 –> 00:20:05.493
where they didn’t know where the shooter was coming from they weren’t sure if

00:20:05.493 –> 00:20:08.273
the sounds that they were hearing were from,

00:20:08.293 –> 00:20:10.773
you know, on stage? Was this fireworks?

00:20:11.133 –> 00:20:14.853
Was it part of the act? And then people just started dropping all around them

00:20:14.853 –> 00:20:18.973
and they didn’t know where to go to get safe. They didn’t know what to do.

00:20:19.613 –> 00:20:25.673
And so when people were in their homes, hearing these sounds that kind of sounded

00:20:25.673 –> 00:20:28.733
like gunfire, they didn’t know where they were coming from.

00:20:28.893 –> 00:20:34.153
They didn’t know where to go to get safe, it really triggered a lot of people.

00:20:34.373 –> 00:20:37.993
And that fear response was so apparent.

00:20:38.233 –> 00:20:40.413
And that’s when I said, okay…

00:20:41.496 –> 00:20:45.716
Somebody needs to talk to the everyday person.

00:20:45.876 –> 00:20:51.976
Somebody needs to explain and to raise awareness and educate because fear can

00:20:51.976 –> 00:20:54.116
have a really negative impact on our life.

00:20:54.316 –> 00:20:58.596
It does us no good. You know, you talk to Andy from The Secure Dad.

00:20:58.876 –> 00:21:02.916
It does us no good to say, well, I’m just going to stay at home and be safe.

00:21:03.156 –> 00:21:08.476
Because unfortunately, if your home isn’t secure, home break-ins happen.

00:21:08.476 –> 00:21:11.576
You know, bad things can happen at your own home.

00:21:11.836 –> 00:21:17.216
So there is no, I don’t want to sound fear mongering, but there really is no

00:21:17.216 –> 00:21:24.116
safe place that you’re never going to experience any sort of confrontation or violence.

00:21:24.296 –> 00:21:28.696
You really need to gain confidence that you know how to take care of yourself,

00:21:28.736 –> 00:21:32.256
that your home is secure, that you have a plan.

00:21:32.256 –> 00:21:38.656
And so that kind of really, after that local incident with the kids and the

00:21:38.656 –> 00:21:45.076
car backfiring, there was definitely more of a, okay, I need help. I need answers.

00:21:45.656 –> 00:21:50.176
Kelly put some classes together. And so that’s where I started doing more and

00:21:50.176 –> 00:21:52.176
more of the classes and speaking.

00:21:52.176 –> 00:21:58.076
And as people hear it and understand what I’m trying to do, that’s where they’re

00:21:58.076 –> 00:22:00.656
like, oh, that was great. Can you come and speak here?

00:22:00.876 –> 00:22:05.036
Or can we do a class? You know, so often I’ll talk to moms and then moms say,

00:22:05.216 –> 00:22:06.536
can you talk to my daughter?

00:22:06.876 –> 00:22:10.816
She’s going off to college, you know, or my son, you know, because,

00:22:10.956 –> 00:22:15.376
again, it’s not I focus on women, but it’s not just for women.

00:22:15.856 –> 00:22:19.576
Everyone should take their personal safety seriously. Yeah.

00:22:20.096 –> 00:22:24.056
And so, you know, we wanted to talk about situational awareness today,

00:22:24.176 –> 00:22:28.756
and we certainly want to talk about personal safety and why maybe some folks

00:22:28.756 –> 00:22:33.336
don’t get more invested in their own personal safety, don’t take responsibility

00:22:33.336 –> 00:22:35.056
for their own personal safety.

00:22:35.056 –> 00:22:39.556
But, you know, situational awareness is like one of the first,

00:22:39.716 –> 00:22:46.816
if not the first steps in being better prepared, better ready to deal with a

00:22:46.816 –> 00:22:49.116
potentially bad situation that might come up.

00:22:49.316 –> 00:22:58.296
So in your definition, what is situational awareness and how do I go about gaining

00:22:58.296 –> 00:22:59.636
situational awareness?

00:23:00.336 –> 00:23:04.416
Right. I think the first question is key. that education.

00:23:04.676 –> 00:23:08.516
What is situational awareness? And there’s some really.

00:23:09.566 –> 00:23:12.726
You know, tactical speak definitions out there.

00:23:13.026 –> 00:23:18.746
And so what I try to do is I say, it’s really understanding what’s in your environment,

00:23:19.086 –> 00:23:23.506
who and what is in your environment, what that means to you and your safety,

00:23:23.506 –> 00:23:26.826
and then taking action to keep yourself safe.

00:23:27.346 –> 00:23:33.226
Because it’s not always another human, you know, I show a video in my classes

00:23:33.226 –> 00:23:37.486
where an elderly couple walks out of their, you know, patio home,

00:23:37.546 –> 00:23:39.326
and there’s a bear cub on the patio.

00:23:39.806 –> 00:23:43.986
And they never see it. I know it made the rounds in social media.

00:23:44.926 –> 00:23:49.706
And I show it in classes as kind of an icebreaker because I say,

00:23:50.026 –> 00:23:53.186
yes, the bear cub might not be the thing they need to worry about,

00:23:53.346 –> 00:23:54.466
but they need to pay attention.

00:23:54.746 –> 00:23:57.886
Because where there’s bear cubs, there’s usually a mama bear.

00:23:58.386 –> 00:24:05.206
So that’s just something to be aware of and then understand what that signifies,

00:24:05.446 –> 00:24:07.646
what that means to your safety.

00:24:07.906 –> 00:24:11.666
Okay, we should probably go back in the house and call, you know,

00:24:12.486 –> 00:24:16.746
911 or, you know, if they live in an association and say, we see a bear cub,

00:24:16.846 –> 00:24:19.506
so there’s got to be a mama bear around somewhere. Right.

00:24:20.386 –> 00:24:24.366
And taking, you know, the steps to keep yourself safe. Yeah.

00:24:25.306 –> 00:24:32.826
Yeah, I’ve always read and understand, you know, The first step in really developing

00:24:32.826 –> 00:24:37.706
situational awareness is understanding what the norms are,

00:24:38.126 –> 00:24:42.646
getting that baseline of what’s normal around your neighborhood,

00:24:42.646 –> 00:24:50.766
what’s normal for wherever it is you are, your office, the normal day-to-day interactions.

00:24:51.046 –> 00:24:55.546
And then, you know, if you’re paying attention, then being able to spot anomalies,

00:24:55.826 –> 00:24:59.466
things that seem out of place that aren’t normally there, right? Right.

00:24:59.646 –> 00:25:03.386
And then making a decision is potentially a bad thing, a threat,

00:25:03.406 –> 00:25:06.546
and then being able to act accordingly to that.

00:25:06.786 –> 00:25:12.306
But but the the first phase is just kind of getting used to what’s normal.

00:25:12.526 –> 00:25:15.866
Right. And you got to pay attention to understand what that is.

00:25:15.966 –> 00:25:21.146
And that’s really I think the key for situational awareness is just paying attention

00:25:21.146 –> 00:25:23.746
to your surroundings and your environment. Right.

00:25:24.491 –> 00:25:29.791
And I really like that you say, you know, the baseline of the environment that

00:25:29.791 –> 00:25:34.451
you’re in, because it can be different depending on what environment you’re in.

00:25:34.691 –> 00:25:39.071
If you’re at work, it’s one type of environment. If you’re at a coffee shop,

00:25:39.231 –> 00:25:40.671
it’s another type of environment.

00:25:40.671 –> 00:25:46.811
When you’re home, if you’re at a loud restaurant or rock concert or bar,

00:25:47.031 –> 00:25:53.231
and you don’t want to live in a place where you’re always looking around because

00:25:53.231 –> 00:25:54.731
then you’re going to look suspicious.

00:25:55.211 –> 00:26:00.191
You don’t want to have your head on a swivel so much that it’s obvious you’re uncomfortable.

00:26:00.491 –> 00:26:04.491
Well, you also don’t want to be paranoid either.

00:26:04.751 –> 00:26:10.511
Being aware and staying frosty, head on a swivel, however you want to reference it, right?

00:26:10.671 –> 00:26:15.571
It’s not about being paranoid. It’s about paying attention so that you give

00:26:15.571 –> 00:26:20.231
yourself a heads up before someone gets the drop on you, right?

00:26:20.431 –> 00:26:25.291
Or something happens that you got totally caught off guard by.

00:26:25.451 –> 00:26:30.351
So it’s really mostly about just being alert, right? I mean,

00:26:30.411 –> 00:26:32.631
is that a short summary overview?

00:26:34.351 –> 00:26:39.471
Yes. No. And I think I was just saying, as you were saying, that not being paranoid.

00:26:39.471 –> 00:26:44.611
And I believe it was in Gavin DeBecker’s Gift of Fear book, which was one of

00:26:44.611 –> 00:26:47.031
the first books I read, which I loved.

00:26:47.191 –> 00:26:52.411
Great book. But he said, I say it’s really the starting point that everyone

00:26:52.411 –> 00:26:55.151
needs to read is one of their foundational books.

00:26:55.791 –> 00:27:02.191
In there, he says, if you’re always afraid, then you won’t get the true fear signal.

00:27:02.431 –> 00:27:09.051
The importance of staying calm, the importance of being kind of at that point,

00:27:09.471 –> 00:27:12.211
you know cold or you know

00:27:12.211 –> 00:27:14.891
cooper’s color i’m like spilling all the

00:27:14.891 –> 00:27:17.491
words right now but the color codes that you know

00:27:17.491 –> 00:27:20.831
condition yellow and just being alert but relaxed and

00:27:20.831 –> 00:27:27.031
calm because if you’re always i you know use the example of if you always clench

00:27:27.031 –> 00:27:32.611
your fist and you’re constantly clenching it then it’s going to get fatigued

00:27:32.611 –> 00:27:37.711
and when it comes time that you really need to grab something or do something

00:27:37.711 –> 00:27:40.171
or respond, your hand is going to be tired.

00:27:40.451 –> 00:27:45.311
But if you’re relaxed and then you need to grab onto something,

00:27:45.311 –> 00:27:50.331
you know, in everyday life, then that strength will be there.

00:27:50.431 –> 00:27:55.571
If you’re driving a car and you’re constantly gripping the steering wheel, white knuckling it.

00:27:56.371 –> 00:28:01.191
You know, then you’re going to be tired and fatigued when you have to maybe

00:28:01.191 –> 00:28:06.791
take a quick reaction because someone slammed on their brakes in front of you, or you hit black ice.

00:28:07.511 –> 00:28:09.711
And so again, realizing that.

00:28:10.601 –> 00:28:15.021
It’s not about paranoia. It’s not about in this constant state of fear.

00:28:15.301 –> 00:28:20.321
It’s about understanding and getting comfortable and trusting your intuition.

00:28:21.261 –> 00:28:23.501
Understanding what those signals mean to you.

00:28:23.621 –> 00:28:28.801
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, relative to personal safety,

00:28:29.021 –> 00:28:32.481
self-defense, whatever you want to categorize it under, you know,

00:28:33.261 –> 00:28:41.781
self-defense schools, a lot of outlets focus on the physical aspects of personal

00:28:41.781 –> 00:28:43.241
safety and self-defense.

00:28:44.141 –> 00:28:46.961
And some promote the tools, right?

00:28:47.121 –> 00:28:54.921
Whether it’s pepper spray or coubatons or firearms, dare I say, knives, whatever it is.

00:28:55.461 –> 00:29:02.361
We kind of get hung up in the physical and aspects or the utilization of tools

00:29:02.361 –> 00:29:07.601
and all of that’s sexy and fun and cool and you should know something about those things.

00:29:07.781 –> 00:29:13.101
But the reality of it is that self-defense, personal safety,

00:29:13.241 –> 00:29:19.721
starts long before those things generally come into play or could or should,

00:29:19.901 –> 00:29:23.441
generally should come into play or do come into play, right?

00:29:23.541 –> 00:29:26.661
There’s a lot of things that have happened that have gone sideways,

00:29:26.921 –> 00:29:31.181
gone bad, gone wrong, whatever you want to say, that get us to the point where

00:29:31.181 –> 00:29:35.381
we’re having to employ those skills that we hopefully know a little something

00:29:35.381 –> 00:29:38.021
about or have sought out training for ourselves.

00:29:38.021 –> 00:29:43.901
But arguably, and I think this is a great thing about your cause and your message

00:29:43.901 –> 00:29:44.861
that you’re delivering –.

00:29:46.097 –> 00:29:50.437
You’re really heading off a lot of stuff potentially by talking about things

00:29:50.437 –> 00:29:51.897
like situational awareness.

00:29:52.077 –> 00:29:56.497
And there’s a whole lot of other things that have happened to get to the point

00:29:56.497 –> 00:30:00.397
where you’re in a physical confrontation or you’re employing tools,

00:30:00.837 –> 00:30:06.657
one of which obviously is situational awareness, but there’s making judgments about things.

00:30:07.197 –> 00:30:11.257
De-escalation, which is a conversation well beyond this today.

00:30:11.637 –> 00:30:18.857
But situational awareness is really the first step and being able to avoid anything

00:30:18.857 –> 00:30:21.957
bad, so to speak, that might happen to you.

00:30:22.217 –> 00:30:28.397
It’s an early phase of personal safety and self-defense, but just as if not

00:30:28.397 –> 00:30:32.277
more important, because without situational awareness, you know,

00:30:32.417 –> 00:30:34.917
the goal is to avoid bad things, right?

00:30:35.117 –> 00:30:41.017
And I think we talked about this before, too, like a long time ago in my early

00:30:41.017 –> 00:30:43.277
days of martial arts training, my

00:30:43.277 –> 00:30:49.497
instructor would ask us, what’s the best self-defense move you can make?

00:30:50.017 –> 00:30:55.437
And, you know, students in the class would be like, oh, this punch or this kick or this maneuver.

00:30:55.737 –> 00:31:01.337
And he’s like, no, no, the best self-defense move is this.

00:31:01.517 –> 00:31:05.477
And he’d make the motion of running across the front of the class, right?

00:31:05.777 –> 00:31:11.597
I mean, that’s your number one defense is to get out of there, right? To get away.

00:31:12.057 –> 00:31:15.317
And I never will forget that. And it’s true. It’s very true.

00:31:15.617 –> 00:31:19.397
So, but in order to know that you need to run away or get away,

00:31:19.677 –> 00:31:24.597
you’ve got to be paying attention to what’s going on around you so that you

00:31:24.597 –> 00:31:30.337
know when you need to be able to get away and act on that.

00:31:32.017 –> 00:31:36.697
I think that’s one of the pieces of situational awareness that is a challenge

00:31:36.697 –> 00:31:45.977
to talk to people about. because if you were successful in seeing a threat before it happened or before,

00:31:46.755 –> 00:31:51.055
Being situationally aware so you didn’t look like a potential victim to the

00:31:51.055 –> 00:31:55.475
predator who’s waiting for their victim, then nothing happened.

00:31:55.635 –> 00:31:57.875
So if nothing happened, nothing gets reported.

00:31:58.295 –> 00:32:02.155
Nobody talks about it. You don’t know what situations you’ve avoided.

00:32:02.915 –> 00:32:08.495
And so with situational awareness, it’s interesting for me is when I talk to

00:32:08.495 –> 00:32:12.615
women, I say, well, have you ever had where you just knew something was off about a person?

00:32:12.615 –> 00:32:15.515
Or you just felt the vibe or the energy

00:32:15.515 –> 00:32:18.955
in the room something was wrong and you left and

00:32:18.955 –> 00:32:24.175
almost every person has a story like that yeah and they’re like yeah i knew

00:32:24.175 –> 00:32:28.635
this was really weird about this guy um i had a conversation with a woman that

00:32:28.635 –> 00:32:33.795
i connected with and she said you know in my high school my brother had a friend

00:32:33.795 –> 00:32:38.595
he was always kind of a little off or a little whatever But,

00:32:38.615 –> 00:32:40.435
you know, at the time, high schools,

00:32:40.655 –> 00:32:45.495
everyone’s maturing and going through puberty and having all their emotional development stages.

00:32:45.635 –> 00:32:49.295
Everyone’s a little, you know, different developmentally.

00:32:49.775 –> 00:32:57.755
Well, later she comes to find out he became a serial rapist and killer and was

00:32:57.755 –> 00:33:03.555
luring women into his taxi and would, you know, unfortunately commit crimes.

00:33:03.555 –> 00:33:08.575
And she said, looking back, you’re like, oh my gosh, now things make sense or whatever.

00:33:08.835 –> 00:33:13.835
But until if she would have never made that connection because he moved states

00:33:13.835 –> 00:33:16.795
away, it’s some of those things you’re not going to talk about.

00:33:16.935 –> 00:33:20.495
Well, remember how odd that was? Because you don’t want to be judgmental.

00:33:20.895 –> 00:33:22.595
You don’t want to seem rude.

00:33:23.075 –> 00:33:27.295
You don’t want to just, oh, you want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

00:33:28.675 –> 00:33:35.255
And so having that situational awareness as you get older to question it’s not

00:33:35.255 –> 00:33:36.955
about a person it’s about their

00:33:36.955 –> 00:33:42.655
behavior ted bundy pretended he had a hurt arm to ask women to help him,

00:33:43.275 –> 00:33:47.375
and you know the scenarios is when he was the two women he took from that beach

00:33:47.375 –> 00:33:52.515
the public beach and he said oh i think he even had his hand in a sling and

00:33:52.515 –> 00:33:55.555
said i need to help get my sailboat on the trailer or whatever,

00:33:55.675 –> 00:33:58.595
can you come help me? And they were like, oh, he’s hurt his arm, I’ll help him.

00:33:58.735 –> 00:34:04.595
It’s like, why is a guy asking a woman who’s laying out sun tanning in her bikini

00:34:04.595 –> 00:34:06.415
for help lifting a sailboat? Yeah.

00:34:07.155 –> 00:34:11.695
So it wasn’t that you should say, oh, well, he looks so nice.

00:34:11.875 –> 00:34:15.635
Okay, great. But his behavior is completely out of the norm.

00:34:16.598 –> 00:34:23.278
So it’s, it’s again, breaking that down and helping people because if they don’t,

00:34:23.378 –> 00:34:26.638
if it’s kind of in their subconscious and fuzzy and it doesn’t make sense and

00:34:26.638 –> 00:34:33.458
they don’t understand how to verbalize and process what they saw or what they’re experiencing,

00:34:33.458 –> 00:34:38.458
it’s a lot easier for them to discount their intuition. Yeah.

00:34:38.718 –> 00:34:43.638
And that’s a great point. There’s a couple of points there that we should hone

00:34:43.638 –> 00:34:46.878
in on for a moment is that I think you’re right.

00:34:47.018 –> 00:34:51.558
I think when it comes to gut, because, you know, women have this awesome reputation

00:34:51.558 –> 00:34:53.458
of having intuition, right?

00:34:53.538 –> 00:34:57.438
You always hear about women’s intuition, right? Quote, unquote.

00:34:57.798 –> 00:35:03.138
You never hear about men’s intuition. I contend that everyone, you don’t.

00:35:03.238 –> 00:35:09.258
It’s like that guy had great intuition, right? But you’ll hear women’s intuition. We always have.

00:35:09.498 –> 00:35:12.138
But with that being said, men have it too.

00:35:12.398 –> 00:35:16.038
You know, maybe they call it their gut, their gut feeling, whatever it is.

00:35:16.038 –> 00:35:19.698
Yeah, instinct, gut feeling, intuition, whatever.

00:35:19.998 –> 00:35:26.858
And I think that’s the challenge of intuition, gut, spidey senses, as we say.

00:35:27.058 –> 00:35:30.118
I kind of like spidey senses myself, but that’s just it.

00:35:30.258 –> 00:35:35.758
Like, how do you articulate that to make someone understand what it is you felt

00:35:35.758 –> 00:35:37.458
or thought in that moment? it.

00:35:38.478 –> 00:35:42.778
And so that’s the first thing, like how, how do you articulate that,

00:35:42.898 –> 00:35:45.258
you know, other than to say you need to listen to it.

00:35:45.318 –> 00:35:49.358
You don’t have to worry about articulating what it is, just act upon it.

00:35:49.458 –> 00:35:50.958
But that’s the other thing too.

00:35:51.158 –> 00:35:56.138
I think the, you know, for your cause and working with women and situational

00:35:56.138 –> 00:36:01.758
awareness, you know, to that point, if, if the, if the saying is true,

00:36:02.018 –> 00:36:04.178
you know, Women’s intuition, they have intuition.

00:36:04.178 –> 00:36:08.318
They have the sixth sense innately built into them.

00:36:09.238 –> 00:36:12.798
Arguably, they’re poised to be better at…

00:36:13.717 –> 00:36:16.977
That gut visceral feeling and situational

00:36:16.977 –> 00:36:19.777
awareness than anyone else is because they do

00:36:19.777 –> 00:36:23.917
have that sixth sense so innately built

00:36:23.917 –> 00:36:29.357
into themselves but how do you articulate that and the key i think is is not

00:36:29.357 –> 00:36:35.477
to worry about figuring out what it was but to be willing to listen to it and

00:36:35.477 –> 00:36:42.257
then act upon it because if it’s a bad situation then you just avoided it if you can act upon it.

00:36:42.497 –> 00:36:46.897
Worst case scenarios, you offended some dude that was just looking for instructions

00:36:46.897 –> 00:36:49.857
at the gas, directions at the gas station, right?

00:36:50.157 –> 00:36:54.277
But who cares if you offended him? You got away. If you felt something off,

00:36:54.297 –> 00:36:58.437
if your spidey senses were going off and you thought something was wrong or

00:36:58.437 –> 00:37:03.977
off about the situation, you should get out of there. And who cares if they were offended?

00:37:04.217 –> 00:37:06.897
You know, you don’t know them anyway and they’ll get over it.

00:37:07.137 –> 00:37:09.717
But acting on them. And you’ll never see him again.

00:37:09.957 –> 00:37:15.177
You’ll never see him again. But the key is, is that you’re poised to be better

00:37:15.177 –> 00:37:18.137
suited for that, arguably, potentially, right?

00:37:18.337 –> 00:37:24.837
And then just be willing to listen to it. And then most importantly, act upon it.

00:37:25.057 –> 00:37:29.737
And I think that’s all part of that situational awareness and then responding accordingly.

00:37:29.977 –> 00:37:31.657
Like, don’t moot it.

00:37:31.997 –> 00:37:35.877
Don’t quiet it. It’s telling you something for a reason.

00:37:36.037 –> 00:37:40.657
You should listen to it. and the consequences are inconsequential.

00:37:42.397 –> 00:37:46.457
What I use when I’m talking to women is I explain, you know,

00:37:46.537 –> 00:37:50.117
again, I’m trying to show them these are skills you already have.

00:37:50.217 –> 00:37:51.397
These are natural abilities.

00:37:51.837 –> 00:37:55.517
And in regards to that intuition or being able to, you know,

00:37:55.637 –> 00:37:59.857
read a room or get the vibe, you know, if you’ve been around kids,

00:38:00.217 –> 00:38:02.837
mothers and their kids specifically, you know,

00:38:03.248 –> 00:38:06.388
The kids, you hear gibberish, you hear Charlie Brown’s teacher talking,

00:38:06.388 –> 00:38:11.208
and the mother knows exactly what the kids said, what they need, what they don’t want.

00:38:11.568 –> 00:38:14.948
And you’re like, how did you get that from what the kids said?

00:38:15.088 –> 00:38:18.588
It’s because the mother can read the body language. They’re around.

00:38:18.708 –> 00:38:19.828
They have the intuition.

00:38:20.428 –> 00:38:24.088
There’s so much going on that they can’t really explain. They just, it’s my kid.

00:38:24.128 –> 00:38:28.848
Of course I know. And for people who don’t have children or aren’t around children,

00:38:29.048 –> 00:38:33.728
if you have an elderly relative that you’ve taken care of that maybe had a stroke

00:38:33.728 –> 00:38:39.088
and so they’ve lost their speeches is more slurred now, they have lost that

00:38:39.088 –> 00:38:41.028
being able to communicate verbally.

00:38:41.368 –> 00:38:43.188
You still have that ability.

00:38:43.188 –> 00:38:46.428
Women are natural caregivers and

00:38:46.428 –> 00:38:50.788
nurturers so we have that in us that’s where that innate ability

00:38:50.788 –> 00:38:54.208
to have intuition and in my perspective

00:38:54.208 –> 00:38:57.348
or in my opinion what i’ve seen is because it

00:38:57.348 –> 00:39:00.308
doesn’t really get scientifically explained i

00:39:00.308 –> 00:39:03.408
guess you could say oh you’re probably being

00:39:03.408 –> 00:39:06.488
judgment or you’re overreacting you’re overthinking it

00:39:06.488 –> 00:39:09.628
yeah you know and so then women say oh well

00:39:09.628 –> 00:39:12.808
my intuition must be off it must be wrong and so

00:39:12.808 –> 00:39:16.048
it’s actually kind of saying nope your intuition

00:39:16.048 –> 00:39:18.928
might have been right scenario of like

00:39:18.928 –> 00:39:22.428
the creepy colleague when

00:39:22.428 –> 00:39:25.108
you go to industry events all the guys are like

00:39:25.108 –> 00:39:28.288
yeah he’s great he’s a great guy and all

00:39:28.288 –> 00:39:31.088
the women know that once he’s had a few drinks they steer clear

00:39:31.088 –> 00:39:33.928
and they stay far away from him yeah and the guys

00:39:33.928 –> 00:39:36.848
oh you’re just he’s just friendly he’s being

00:39:36.848 –> 00:39:39.588
super nice you’re overreacting and it’s

00:39:39.588 –> 00:39:42.908
like well no because he’s targeted

00:39:42.908 –> 00:39:45.748
certain individuals and if you’re not

00:39:45.748 –> 00:39:51.108
his target you’re not going to see those behaviors yeah and if a woman says

00:39:51.108 –> 00:39:55.408
i’m not comfortable or yeah we’re just gonna you know we’re gonna go over here

00:39:55.408 –> 00:40:01.208
if you don’t understand because you haven’t seen it yourself because you haven’t

00:40:01.208 –> 00:40:03.688
been the target of that individual.

00:40:04.088 –> 00:40:10.388
Then say, okay, just trust that those people making the decision to stay away

00:40:10.388 –> 00:40:12.148
are trusting their intuition.

00:40:12.748 –> 00:40:16.628
Experience something that their alarm bells are going off saying,

00:40:16.748 –> 00:40:19.708
this is not a good situation, it’s best to move away.

00:40:19.908 –> 00:40:25.008
I’ve heard from so many males that have reached out to me in regards to their

00:40:25.008 –> 00:40:30.168
wives, girlfriends, sisters, who had a creepy co-worker.

00:40:30.168 –> 00:40:35.388
And they didn’t know how to deal with it because they were co-workers so that’s

00:40:35.388 –> 00:40:40.368
enforcing boundaries. It’s not just about setting boundaries, enforcing boundaries.

00:40:41.008 –> 00:40:45.388
And thankfully, I’m so glad that those men believed the women in their lives

00:40:45.388 –> 00:40:49.788
telling them, I don’t know what’s up with creepy co-worker, but,

00:40:50.726 –> 00:40:56.086
he gives me the willies and they supported them in their decisions to make choices

00:40:56.086 –> 00:41:02.366
that didn’t put them in situations where, you know, we’re the last two working in the office.

00:41:02.606 –> 00:41:06.046
Yeah. You know, Hey, okay. Everyone’s leaving. I was going to work late,

00:41:06.086 –> 00:41:07.706
but the creepy co-workers still here.

00:41:08.286 –> 00:41:13.006
So before this last, you know, my, my friend Susie leaves, I’m going to say

00:41:13.006 –> 00:41:16.706
I’m leaving with Susie because I don’t want to be here alone with him. Yeah.

00:41:17.266 –> 00:41:20.846
And so doing that, Don’t discount that because they have a reason.

00:41:21.026 –> 00:41:22.926
There is a reason why they feel uncomfortable.

00:41:24.006 –> 00:41:29.206
And so kind of reinforcing, almost reteaching those intuition abilities.

00:41:30.646 –> 00:41:35.506
Yeah, I think, you know, I had a couple of thoughts come to my mind as I was

00:41:35.506 –> 00:41:37.846
listening to you is that, you know,

00:41:38.506 –> 00:41:46.086
listening to that gut, that intuition, spidey senses, whatever you want to call it is so key.

00:41:48.026 –> 00:41:51.506
That again even if you can’t articulate exactly

00:41:51.506 –> 00:41:54.406
what it is you should still act

00:41:54.406 –> 00:41:57.386
upon it because worst case scenario you offended someone

00:41:57.386 –> 00:42:00.266
and who cares they’ll get over it and or you’ll

00:42:00.266 –> 00:42:05.266
never see him again but you know the other piece of this and we talked about

00:42:05.266 –> 00:42:12.506
it like is avoidance right like getting out getting away but part of the avoidance

00:42:12.506 –> 00:42:18.326
of getting away isn’t necessarily always physically leaving the scene.

00:42:18.666 –> 00:42:23.586
To your point, it’s about being willing to enforce boundaries,

00:42:23.586 –> 00:42:30.086
not just think about boundaries that you want for yourself, but be willing to enforce them.

00:42:30.586 –> 00:42:32.926
And that’s tough, I think, for women.

00:42:33.646 –> 00:42:36.806
And you tell me if I’m wrong, but it’s tough because.

00:42:38.226 –> 00:42:41.526
You guys are typically raised to be nice

00:42:41.526 –> 00:42:45.146
sweet accepting to go

00:42:45.146 –> 00:42:49.566
with the flow whatever it is but if

00:42:49.566 –> 00:42:53.166
you’re paying enough attention and you’re and your intuition is telling you

00:42:53.166 –> 00:43:00.226
something is off here it’s important that you feel that you you can enforce

00:43:00.226 –> 00:43:06.666
boundaries when you need to And I think boundaries are as are important,

00:43:06.666 –> 00:43:11.906
if not as more important than actually physically fleeing a scene. Right.

00:43:12.246 –> 00:43:17.146
Because you’re not always going to be able to just run off. Right. So it’s being right.

00:43:18.219 –> 00:43:22.819
Able and willing and strong enough to enforce boundaries for yourself so that

00:43:22.819 –> 00:43:27.899
when you’re pumping gas at the gas station and the dude that looks a little shady,

00:43:28.299 –> 00:43:31.979
even though you’re trying not to be judgmental, but something immediately sets

00:43:31.979 –> 00:43:37.459
off your spidey senses, when he wants to get up in your personal space just

00:43:37.459 –> 00:43:40.599
to ask you for directions,

00:43:41.099 –> 00:43:42.859
you know something’s off with that, right?

00:43:43.079 –> 00:43:45.999
So telling him, hey, no, you’re good where you are. Don’t come any closer.

00:43:46.199 –> 00:43:47.479
What do you want? What do you need?

00:43:47.779 –> 00:43:52.819
And be willing to stand your ground, so to speak, and force those boundaries

00:43:52.819 –> 00:43:55.039
is just as important as anything else.

00:43:56.159 –> 00:44:00.119
Right. And I think a couple of things from playing off of your scenario there,

00:44:00.259 –> 00:44:01.379
let’s be at the gas station.

00:44:01.959 –> 00:44:07.279
So if you’re aware of somebody walking in your general direction or getting

00:44:07.279 –> 00:44:12.739
like watching you getting closer, I say you don’t have to be like,

00:44:12.799 –> 00:44:14.579
oh, OK, that’s far enough.

00:44:14.579 –> 00:44:17.719
Stay back i don’t know who you are it could simply be calling

00:44:17.719 –> 00:44:20.859
it out early enough to say hey can i help you yeah because

00:44:20.859 –> 00:44:23.679
he’s going to have to respond yeah and so

00:44:23.679 –> 00:44:26.799
if he’s like i just need directions and he keeps walking it

00:44:26.799 –> 00:44:30.299
you get to set how soon or

00:44:30.299 –> 00:44:33.719
how close because if you call him out as he’s walking further

00:44:33.719 –> 00:44:37.099
away versus when he’s right next to you talking and he

00:44:37.099 –> 00:44:39.979
says yeah i just me directions you now still have

00:44:39.979 –> 00:44:43.999
time and space to say i suck at directions so

00:44:43.999 –> 00:44:47.559
you know what you should probably just head in the gas station plus if

00:44:47.559 –> 00:44:53.719
he’s further away it would be normal to raise your voice right drawing attention

00:44:53.719 –> 00:44:59.919
so other people at that gas station will hear you saying oh i can’t help you

00:44:59.919 –> 00:45:06.299
sorry and sending him away therefore okay now you’ve alerted other people to this conversation,

00:45:06.299 –> 00:45:09.159
or maybe they’ve just looked up because they’ve heard voices.

00:45:09.619 –> 00:45:14.679
And now that person, that male coming towards you, okay, yep,

00:45:14.799 –> 00:45:18.379
I’ll go inside and get directions because he knows now other people are watching

00:45:18.379 –> 00:45:19.819
and other people are aware.

00:45:20.039 –> 00:45:24.839
You have still that safe distance, hopefully, whereas if you’re not paying attention

00:45:24.839 –> 00:45:28.319
and all of a sudden they’re standing right next to you, there’s really no reason

00:45:28.319 –> 00:45:30.039
for you to raise your voice.

00:45:30.319 –> 00:45:33.779
I mean, you could play off and like, I’m, you know, I’m hard at hearing.

00:45:33.779 –> 00:45:38.579
I just came from the shooting range and, you know, I forgot my hearing protection.

00:45:38.799 –> 00:45:43.659
So, you know, you can. And again, I use humor and sarcasm.

00:45:44.239 –> 00:45:49.579
But of course, in those moments, you know, I don’t always have the quick wit.

00:45:49.759 –> 00:45:53.359
I can think of a comeback three days later. so having

00:45:53.359 –> 00:45:56.199
these thoughts ahead of time what would

00:45:56.199 –> 00:45:59.279
i do if someone started walking towards me looking

00:45:59.279 –> 00:46:04.939
like they needed help i don’t want to seem rude but i also have a boundary and

00:46:04.939 –> 00:46:09.379
ahead of time deciding how are you going to enforce that boundary because you

00:46:09.379 –> 00:46:14.679
don’t want to be deciding in that moment okay i’m uncomfortable and i’ve told

00:46:14.679 –> 00:46:17.319
him to stop walking towards me or.

00:46:18.399 –> 00:46:23.399
You know, don’t stand so close to me. I mean, if not, okay, what are you willing to do?

00:46:23.499 –> 00:46:28.119
Because if you don’t enforce the boundary, that predator just realized,

00:46:28.859 –> 00:46:31.999
okay, their boundaries aren’t very solid.

00:46:32.019 –> 00:46:35.299
I’m going to keep pushing to see how far I can push their testing.

00:46:35.859 –> 00:46:40.339
Again, you know, you can use tumor. Yeah. If it’s a coworker who always seems

00:46:40.339 –> 00:46:44.639
to stand too close and just be like, I know my perfume is really good,

00:46:44.659 –> 00:46:47.219
but I don’t want to burn your nose hairs out.

00:46:47.399 –> 00:46:51.379
Or be like, Hey, you know, and if it’s depending again, depends,

00:46:51.619 –> 00:46:53.079
depends, depends. Yeah.

00:46:53.639 –> 00:46:58.659
Maybe if this coworker is notoriously rude, you know, saying something like,

00:46:58.819 –> 00:47:01.119
gosh, what is that smell?

00:47:01.479 –> 00:47:06.819
You know, did somebody fart? You know, anything to draw attention, anything.

00:47:07.279 –> 00:47:10.679
I say this in the sense of humor, but it’s true because, again,

00:47:11.179 –> 00:47:15.179
people, people, if you say that, he’s not going to want to stand close to you

00:47:15.179 –> 00:47:16.979
because what are you going to say next time? Yeah.

00:47:17.579 –> 00:47:20.619
What do you, you know, and again, that’s not directed towards them,

00:47:20.699 –> 00:47:24.599
but it’s still loud and it’s still causing attention to be drawn.

00:47:24.919 –> 00:47:28.279
Now, the caveat is when it’s a family member.

00:47:28.579 –> 00:47:33.499
Yeah. Because women, most attacks are perpetrated by somebody we know.

00:47:33.819 –> 00:47:38.239
Sure. And that’s where I think it gets really hard and we could go off on a

00:47:38.239 –> 00:47:43.279
tangent on boundary setting and enforcing boundaries is because when it’s a family member.

00:47:43.619 –> 00:47:46.619
Yeah. You have holidays. you have birthday

00:47:46.619 –> 00:47:49.399
parties you have get-togethers reunions weddings

00:47:49.399 –> 00:47:52.739
you don’t always have the choice to go

00:47:52.739 –> 00:47:58.699
like you said to avoid because you want to go and see your family sure so what

00:47:58.699 –> 00:48:04.519
what are your options in those situations again an entirely another podcast

00:48:04.519 –> 00:48:08.879
that’s a whole different we need to be right but those are the sorts of things

00:48:08.879 –> 00:48:12.039
that we need to think through because to your point You know,

00:48:12.259 –> 00:48:18.139
I think the disservice that the self-defense physical training community, I’ll say,

00:48:18.319 –> 00:48:24.019
maybe that’s not the best descriptor, but I think the disservice that the self-defense

00:48:24.019 –> 00:48:32.839
community does for women is that we teach or have taught typically the sexy stuff.

00:48:32.839 –> 00:48:39.619
You know, I’ve been a part of many women’s self-defense seminars, or at least a handful.

00:48:40.359 –> 00:48:46.199
And, you know, it’s super cool to have your painter buddy that drives a windowless

00:48:46.199 –> 00:48:51.179
white van to your school to have a prop to train with, right?

00:48:51.279 –> 00:48:55.139
And then you have the women get drug in there, and they’ve got to fight their way out.

00:48:56.239 –> 00:49:02.039
Yeah, that’s a possibility. It could happen, absolutely. And it makes for cool

00:49:02.039 –> 00:49:07.359
training, and it makes for a lot of cool conversations over beer over the weekend

00:49:07.359 –> 00:49:10.179
after you’ve been through it and you’ve had your eyes opened.

00:49:11.126 –> 00:49:15.066
But to your point, for women, the majority of the time is someone you know,

00:49:15.266 –> 00:49:21.486
whether it’s the drunk uncle, the co-worker, the neighbor, the ex-boyfriend, the husband.

00:49:21.906 –> 00:49:28.186
And that puts a whole new twist on the challenge of getting away in the first

00:49:28.186 –> 00:49:31.926
place, much less setting those boundaries for yourself.

00:49:33.306 –> 00:49:38.326
It’s a very sensitive subject, but it’s one that we need to be talking about. Yeah.

00:49:38.626 –> 00:49:42.066
Yeah. Yeah, and there needs to be more conversation around it for sure.

00:49:42.986 –> 00:49:47.846
Yeah, and so I think, you know, and I don’t want to discount that conversation

00:49:47.846 –> 00:49:49.406
because I think it’s an important one.

00:49:49.526 –> 00:49:53.986
But to your point, I think that’s one for another podcast because,

00:49:54.326 –> 00:49:58.346
you know, that goes above and beyond situational awareness and what we can do

00:49:58.346 –> 00:50:01.426
to get people invested in their personal safety.

00:50:03.446 –> 00:50:06.806
So you know we’ve talked about situational

00:50:06.806 –> 00:50:09.946
awareness and you know staying alert and being

00:50:09.946 –> 00:50:13.186
willing to walk away run away

00:50:13.186 –> 00:50:15.966
set boundaries whatever that looks like for

00:50:15.966 –> 00:50:18.746
yourself but just paying attention to things so you

00:50:18.746 –> 00:50:22.566
notice when things don’t seem quite right but you

00:50:22.566 –> 00:50:26.806
know the other thing we said we wanted to talk about the other challenge for

00:50:26.806 –> 00:50:33.146
I think both of us as I’m sure it is for a lot of people in this space is how

00:50:33.146 –> 00:50:39.246
do we get people more interested in or invested in their own personal safety?

00:50:39.446 –> 00:50:43.326
And I know you did, and I don’t know if you’ve got any more answers since.

00:50:43.326 –> 00:50:50.226
I’d be curious to hear about them, but how do we get people more invested in

00:50:50.226 –> 00:50:51.526
their own personal safety?

00:50:51.686 –> 00:50:55.526
Like to me, it’s a no brainer. Like I, I sleep, breathe and eat this stuff.

00:50:56.560 –> 00:51:00.740
You do, too. I know Andy does. Everyone we talk to seems to.

00:51:00.980 –> 00:51:06.660
But for the general populace, it’s either a time thing or they’re not worried about it.

00:51:06.760 –> 00:51:11.360
Maybe they feel like they live in a safe community because it’s gated or not, whatever.

00:51:11.580 –> 00:51:16.240
Maybe they moved out to the boonies so they don’t have to worry about such things.

00:51:17.040 –> 00:51:21.360
The reality of it is bad things can happen at any time. We’re very fortunate

00:51:21.360 –> 00:51:27.640
that we live in a society where bad things happen a very small percentage of the time.

00:51:28.100 –> 00:51:30.940
But the fact of the matter is, is that they can happen.

00:51:31.660 –> 00:51:35.400
And what are you going to do if they do happen? So how do you get people that

00:51:35.400 –> 00:51:40.180
are just completely either apathetic or oblivious or they’re too busy,

00:51:40.320 –> 00:51:44.040
whatever it is, how do we get them involved?

00:51:44.220 –> 00:51:46.360
How do we get them taking an interest?

00:51:47.280 –> 00:51:49.780
That is a million-dollar question, right?

00:51:51.380 –> 00:51:55.100
I know you don’t like hard questions, but I’m going to ask them.

00:51:55.340 –> 00:51:57.860
Oh, yes. I shy away from them.

00:51:58.120 –> 00:52:02.140
Again, there’s my sarcasm for your listeners who might not know me.

00:52:02.760 –> 00:52:07.380
From a female perspective, again, I focus primarily on women.

00:52:07.840 –> 00:52:14.460
And what I hear back, the feedback I get from women on why they don’t take their

00:52:14.460 –> 00:52:19.060
personal safety as seriously as they should is overwhelmingly,

00:52:19.060 –> 00:52:22.880
I know, I know I need to, I worry about my kids.

00:52:23.140 –> 00:52:27.540
I worry about something that is something would happen to me while I’m with

00:52:27.540 –> 00:52:29.820
my kids, but I don’t have time.

00:52:30.260 –> 00:52:34.600
You know, we’re on this big self-care kick for women and, you know, for everybody.

00:52:34.780 –> 00:52:38.200
But again, speaking from the woman’s perspective, we’re on this big self-care

00:52:38.200 –> 00:52:41.420
kick and you need to take time for yourself to be in a mental,

00:52:41.620 –> 00:52:45.620
mental health, good space so you can take care of your kids.

00:52:45.620 –> 00:52:48.560
You can, you know, have a good relationship with,

00:52:49.224 –> 00:52:53.464
But the thing is, again, that time guilt, that’s what I hear back majority of

00:52:53.464 –> 00:52:59.084
the time, is how can we, on top of this self-care and exercise and eat right

00:52:59.084 –> 00:53:04.124
meal plan and do all these things, also take a self-defense class? Yeah.

00:53:04.604 –> 00:53:06.304
It seems overwhelming.

00:53:07.184 –> 00:53:11.944
And, you know, all of us in the self-defense industry, or I shouldn’t say all

00:53:11.944 –> 00:53:17.084
of us, majority of us don’t like saying women self-defense.

00:53:17.084 –> 00:53:20.664
In the essence of self-defense should be self-defense there

00:53:20.664 –> 00:53:23.324
shouldn’t be you know the disservice that we

00:53:23.324 –> 00:53:27.224
do when we only have women in a class sparring with

00:53:27.224 –> 00:53:32.264
each other is they’re probably not going to get attacked by a female so it is

00:53:32.264 –> 00:53:38.444
very beneficial for them to play to spar with a male so they can understand

00:53:38.444 –> 00:53:44.784
oh well he’s much taller than me or he has more body mass than what am I going to do?

00:53:44.944 –> 00:53:48.364
How, what tools do I have? Can I use as a female?

00:53:49.784 –> 00:53:54.844
And so, but that’s what women want. Like as much as I don’t want to say women’s

00:53:54.844 –> 00:53:58.444
self-defense classes, that’s what the women who I’m trying to reach are like,

00:53:58.604 –> 00:54:04.624
Kelly, we need to know that it’s a woman self-defense class because what we see again.

00:54:05.404 –> 00:54:08.684
Their perception is their reality. What we see are women.

00:54:09.317 –> 00:54:12.917
Sixth degree black belt martial art

00:54:12.917 –> 00:54:16.437
MMA fighter retired special ops yeah

00:54:16.437 –> 00:54:19.277
who are teaching these classes and they’ve been

00:54:19.277 –> 00:54:25.777
doing this for years and they’re like I can’t even find an hour in a week how

00:54:25.777 –> 00:54:30.537
am I ever going to get to that level and it seems very insurmountable yeah and

00:54:30.537 –> 00:54:34.217
so they just kind of give up before they start I know you know they say I know

00:54:34.217 –> 00:54:36.717
it’s not the answer but I’m just going to hope it doesn’t happen to me,

00:54:37.017 –> 00:54:39.917
which makes all of us cringe because we’re like, no, that’s not,

00:54:40.057 –> 00:54:41.557
we don’t want you to take that.

00:54:41.877 –> 00:54:46.337
And so we need to say, how can we give it to you in little bits to get you curious,

00:54:46.477 –> 00:54:51.517
to get you thinking, because you’re going to gain confidence then in these little things.

00:54:51.717 –> 00:54:54.317
Wow, I noticed more things now.

00:54:54.517 –> 00:54:58.877
I lock my doors as soon as I get into my car. And now you kind of have confidence

00:54:58.877 –> 00:55:01.717
like, hey, okay, I can do this on my own.

00:55:02.057 –> 00:55:05.157
And then, okay, what’s next? it’s that gradual

00:55:05.157 –> 00:55:07.837
build of okay let’s just one step at

00:55:07.837 –> 00:55:10.557
a time you know you don’t sign up for a

00:55:10.557 –> 00:55:13.377
marathon and then run it the next day right you have

00:55:13.377 –> 00:55:19.977
to make the decision you’re going to run it and then you start by running one

00:55:19.977 –> 00:55:26.517
mile running two miles and adding to it so i think to get women in that perspective

00:55:26.517 –> 00:55:31.037
just showing them the little let’s not start with how do you do you know,

00:55:31.277 –> 00:55:35.017
over the shoulder throes, you know, like they’re going to be an MMA fighter.

00:55:35.617 –> 00:55:40.317
Let’s just start with the little things of the body languages to watch for.

00:55:40.517 –> 00:55:45.877
How to describe a person, how to use all of your senses, your hearing,

00:55:46.057 –> 00:55:48.577
your smell to tell you what’s in your environment.

00:55:49.337 –> 00:55:55.637
And, you know, the other thing with women too, that I’ve, I’ve found over and

00:55:55.637 –> 00:55:59.317
over again is they don’t even understand what situational awareness is.

00:56:00.207 –> 00:56:05.547
They know self-defense and they think of fighting, physically fighting and that education piece.

00:56:06.267 –> 00:56:12.667
And I saw a great video shared by a self-defense instructor when he was talking about boundaries.

00:56:12.947 –> 00:56:17.027
And he simply used the example of calendar boundaries.

00:56:17.447 –> 00:56:20.667
How many times you’re like, I just need Sunday night.

00:56:21.007 –> 00:56:23.507
You know, Mondays are a big day. It’s the start of the week.

00:56:23.647 –> 00:56:24.827
It’s my longest day of the week.

00:56:24.947 –> 00:56:28.307
So Sunday nights, I do not go out. and inevitably

00:56:28.307 –> 00:56:31.127
friends will say you know this new restaurant opened or

00:56:31.127 –> 00:56:34.107
hey a movie came out or whatever oh we’re getting together

00:56:34.107 –> 00:56:37.247
sunday night come on over and enforcing your

00:56:37.247 –> 00:56:40.527
boundary nope i do not go out sunday if you want to go out saturday if you want

00:56:40.527 –> 00:56:46.087
to go tuesday i’m great sunday night and so if we tell women if i show women

00:56:46.087 –> 00:56:51.287
that’s a boundary that’s you setting a boundary and enforcing it all of a sudden

00:56:51.287 –> 00:56:56.027
they’re like oh well i can do that yeah i do that all the time with,

00:56:56.207 –> 00:57:00.747
sorry, I can’t go out because I’ve got to run Johnny to baseball practice and

00:57:00.747 –> 00:57:04.107
Susie to dance class. And then I’ve got to help them with their homework.

00:57:04.427 –> 00:57:07.767
You set boundaries all the time, but you’ve never thought of it in that way.

00:57:07.827 –> 00:57:10.707
You never thought of it in those terms. Yeah.

00:57:11.627 –> 00:57:18.307
Mental strategy. We talk about the importance of deciding your boundaries and

00:57:18.307 –> 00:57:22.267
how you would enforce them before you find yourself in that situation.

00:57:22.927 –> 00:57:25.727
So you know what would you do if you found yourself in

00:57:25.727 –> 00:57:30.067
a chokehold what would you do well that’s really almost in my mind going from

00:57:30.067 –> 00:57:34.007
zero to a hundred that’s really intense and that can freak a lot of people out

00:57:34.007 –> 00:57:39.107
like oh i can’t imagine you know being put in a chokehold and yeah and it’s

00:57:39.107 –> 00:57:44.447
like okay guess what reality the minute you wake up ladies you sit down.

00:57:45.218 –> 00:57:48.638
And you think about everything you need to accomplish in the day.

00:57:48.918 –> 00:57:52.178
You know, drop the dry cleaning off. You’ve got to stop and pick up a prescription.

00:57:52.398 –> 00:57:54.938
You’ve got to run here, run there. You’ve got to make dinner.

00:57:55.298 –> 00:57:59.898
You strategize your day every day before your day starts. Yeah.

00:58:00.258 –> 00:58:03.278
So you have that skill to strategize.

00:58:03.798 –> 00:58:08.318
Okay, if someone was following me after I left the store, you know,

00:58:08.478 –> 00:58:12.498
later at night, the sun’s gone down, it’s dark. I’m walking from the store to

00:58:12.498 –> 00:58:16.658
my car and I feel like somebody’s watching me. Yeah. What am I going to do?

00:58:16.938 –> 00:58:19.018
Yeah. And it’s that same strategy. Okay.

00:58:19.498 –> 00:58:22.198
If I felt like someone was following me, I’m going to turn around and go back

00:58:22.198 –> 00:58:23.398
in the store and get a manager.

00:58:23.698 –> 00:58:26.678
I’m going to ask someone to escort me to my car, you know?

00:58:26.858 –> 00:58:30.178
And again, when I asked people, okay, what would you do? And they say,

00:58:30.238 –> 00:58:32.098
I don’t know. And I’m like, great.

00:58:32.678 –> 00:58:35.038
Okay. Let’s, let’s start. What would you do? Let’s figure it out.

00:58:35.158 –> 00:58:41.018
Yeah. forcing them to figure it out because it’s really easy as instructors

00:58:41.018 –> 00:58:43.518
for us to say, what would you do?

00:58:43.698 –> 00:58:48.138
Well, I don’t know. Okay, this is what you should do. And we have no idea.

00:58:48.698 –> 00:58:52.358
Do they feel capable? Do they feel competent to do that?

00:58:53.218 –> 00:58:58.318
And so helping them go through, and I always say, wouldn’t you rather have your

00:58:58.318 –> 00:59:04.358
heart beat and your palms sweat, get really uncomfortable while you’re in the

00:59:04.358 –> 00:59:07.658
safety of your own home or wherever you feel safe. Absolutely.

00:59:08.158 –> 00:59:12.258
And then be able to say, okay, that was really intense because I just literally…

00:59:13.972 –> 00:59:19.872
I vividly pictured somebody grabbing me from behind and what I could do.

00:59:21.172 –> 00:59:26.652
And now if that would happen, you’re going to be able to react much faster because

00:59:26.652 –> 00:59:29.372
you have the plan in your head.

00:59:29.712 –> 00:59:35.232
You know, I know you were talking, you are talking about how time seems to be

00:59:35.232 –> 00:59:38.232
a factor. Like, I don’t have the time to go do this training.

00:59:38.432 –> 00:59:42.612
I don’t have the time to learn this or learn that. But, you know,

00:59:42.692 –> 00:59:48.072
I think and I know you did a email survey some time ago and there was a few answers given.

00:59:48.272 –> 00:59:50.612
And I guess time is a general theme.

00:59:51.052 –> 00:59:56.272
I think the other reasons why is that a lot of people don’t think it’ll happen to them. Right.

00:59:56.632 –> 01:00:01.752
Or they figure that they’ve moved to a place, whether it’s a gated community

01:00:01.752 –> 01:00:08.832
or otherwise, that the chances of something happening is bad or isn’t bad.

01:00:08.832 –> 01:00:14.972
You know, moving to a place that the chances of something bad happening is slim

01:00:14.972 –> 01:00:20.432
to nil, but we know that realities are it can happen anytime, any place.

01:00:20.652 –> 01:00:26.652
But, you know, you posted something on social media recently that said one of

01:00:26.652 –> 01:00:33.812
the reasons women shy away and might be taking it or putting it in a different

01:00:33.812 –> 01:00:35.912
context than what it was originally intended.

01:00:35.912 –> 01:00:41.072
But I’ve heard it before, and I think it’s important to talk about.

01:00:41.332 –> 01:00:50.232
So I think some folks feel like that they’re incapable or are too weak to deal

01:00:50.232 –> 01:00:55.852
with an attacker or something that went bad for them, right?

01:00:55.852 –> 01:01:03.132
And I say, there are a handful of things that you could do, even if you felt

01:01:03.132 –> 01:01:07.152
that way about yourself, right? Or feel that way about the situation.

01:01:07.312 –> 01:01:13.932
And first and foremost is working on your mindset and getting in a better state of that. But,

01:01:14.476 –> 01:01:18.036
You know, even if you felt that way or even if that was factual.

01:01:19.056 –> 01:01:23.076
Learning and employing situational awareness is something that everyone can

01:01:23.076 –> 01:01:25.716
do and doesn’t take a lot of time.

01:01:25.896 –> 01:01:30.036
It just takes some thought, right? Like you have to make a conscientious effort

01:01:30.036 –> 01:01:33.456
to be aware of your surroundings when you go to the restaurant,

01:01:33.456 –> 01:01:35.756
whether it’s by yourself or with your family,

01:01:36.316 –> 01:01:41.416
sitting facing the entrance instead of your back to the door.

01:01:41.416 –> 01:01:44.236
Whatever it is takes a little bit

01:01:44.236 –> 01:01:47.156
of effort but even even for

01:01:47.156 –> 01:01:50.576
those that feel like they’re maybe too weak to physically

01:01:50.576 –> 01:01:57.176
confront someone that that skill of situational awareness still applies and

01:01:57.176 –> 01:02:03.336
it’s something that they can do for themselves and most likely potentially avoid

01:02:03.336 –> 01:02:07.156
most anything that could happen to put them in a situation where they’ve got

01:02:07.156 –> 01:02:09.816
to test their physical or mental abilities.

01:02:10.536 –> 01:02:16.136
So I think that’s an important message to convey, too. There’s still things that you can do.

01:02:16.756 –> 01:02:18.656
You just have to make a little bit of effort.

01:02:19.516 –> 01:02:23.096
Right. Right. And, you know, you kind of touched on it in the beginning when

01:02:23.096 –> 01:02:26.616
you started talking about that as though, you know, we moved to a gated community. Yeah.

01:02:26.856 –> 01:02:32.236
And that whole sense of security of, well, you know, one of the responses is,

01:02:32.376 –> 01:02:36.056
you know, also it’s easy to believe we’re safe. We are careful.

01:02:36.356 –> 01:02:39.936
Or I don’t put myself in a dangerous situation it

01:02:39.936 –> 01:02:42.976
won’t happen to me those list of excuses are

01:02:42.976 –> 01:02:45.936
long yeah and or you know have women who

01:02:45.936 –> 01:02:50.756
had a woman who responded was 61 and she’s like i this is not for me i’m not

01:02:50.756 –> 01:02:55.456
strong enough to ever fight back yeah so what what good would it be what good

01:02:55.456 –> 01:03:00.056
would it do me to take a physical self-defense class you know i have a bad knee

01:03:00.056 –> 01:03:04.056
i have a bad shoulder yeah and it’s and it’s the understanding that,

01:03:04.416 –> 01:03:09.716
okay, but that doesn’t mean that that actually makes you more of a target. Yeah.

01:03:10.076 –> 01:03:16.316
If you act like the victim or if you walk with a limp, then your situational

01:03:16.316 –> 01:03:18.156
awareness needs to be really on point.

01:03:18.496 –> 01:03:24.356
I recently shared a video of what looks like it was an elderly woman leaving a pizza joint.

01:03:24.656 –> 01:03:28.796
There’s a gentleman standing outside the entrance. You can see a pipe in his

01:03:28.796 –> 01:03:31.236
hand in the CCTV footage.

01:03:31.996 –> 01:03:37.276
And he looks like he’s almost going to open the door and hold the door open like a gentleman.

01:03:37.736 –> 01:03:41.316
And instead, it looks like some words are exchanged. And he hits her,

01:03:41.476 –> 01:03:46.316
I mean, over the head, shoulder, upper body area, grabs a pizza and run.

01:03:47.836 –> 01:03:51.776
And again, this is not victim blaming. And neither the post that I shared it

01:03:51.776 –> 01:03:56.896
from and myself, it was, OK, this is an example, you know, watching.

01:03:56.896 –> 01:03:59.556
And he was watching her as she was walking into the door.

01:03:59.796 –> 01:04:02.916
One thing that came up with, okay, well, we have to be really careful because,

01:04:03.647 –> 01:04:08.507
As you get older, your eyesight diminishes. So she might not necessarily have

01:04:08.507 –> 01:04:09.667
seen the pipe in his hand.

01:04:09.727 –> 01:04:13.607
She could have just seen the human shape, right?

01:04:13.987 –> 01:04:17.967
Yeah. And so she might not have seen that. Somebody going to open the door for

01:04:17.967 –> 01:04:22.107
her, well, yeah, her hands were full. She’s an elderly lady. That’s so kind.

01:04:22.587 –> 01:04:27.887
So again, that we always need to be careful about how we say,

01:04:28.027 –> 01:04:30.047
oh, you should have done this or you shouldn’t have done that.

01:04:30.047 –> 01:04:32.807
Or you know oh well I would it’s really

01:04:32.807 –> 01:04:35.567
easy to sit back and say well I would never do that I would

01:04:35.567 –> 01:04:38.427
have seen him standing there I would really it’s always

01:04:38.427 –> 01:04:41.247
I have lots of videos of right I have

01:04:41.247 –> 01:04:45.307
lots of videos of teenagers looking at their phone yeah and running into things

01:04:45.307 –> 01:04:50.967
we’ve all seen though so it’s not it’s about paying attention and being aware

01:04:50.967 –> 01:04:56.987
not victim timing what can we learn oh I need to watch for that yeah and that

01:04:56.987 –> 01:04:59.407
mental prep I think you can start at home.

01:05:00.707 –> 01:05:02.807
You can start doing those little things.

01:05:03.187 –> 01:05:04.407
Well, I think you touch on a

01:05:04.407 –> 01:05:10.907
great point indirectly is that you’re not always going to get this right.

01:05:10.967 –> 01:05:16.607
You’re not always going to be so on point that the ninja sneaking up behind

01:05:16.607 –> 01:05:19.027
you isn’t going to get the drop on you, right?

01:05:19.467 –> 01:05:27.247
You can’t possibly ever be so alert that you know everything going on around

01:05:27.247 –> 01:05:31.447
you at all times. You’ve counted the number of people in a room. You know all the exits.

01:05:31.687 –> 01:05:37.107
You see the gorilla, the guy in the gorilla suit walking through the front door, whatever it is.

01:05:37.667 –> 01:05:43.587
It’s not possible to be on point all the time. And that’s not what this is about.

01:05:43.727 –> 01:05:46.487
That’s not what I don’t think we’re implying today.

01:05:46.867 –> 01:05:51.967
It’s just the point that you need to be making the effort so that you are more

01:05:51.967 –> 01:05:56.927
aware, so that you’re less likely to have someone or something that.

01:05:57.715 –> 01:06:02.355
Get the drop on you or catch you off guard, whatever that may be,

01:06:02.575 –> 01:06:04.035
you’re going to drop the ball.

01:06:04.175 –> 01:06:11.215
I mean, we’re all human, right? We can’t possibly be on guard all the time around the clock.

01:06:11.995 –> 01:06:16.135
And honestly, when you’re home, you should be in that Cooper’s white zone.

01:06:16.135 –> 01:06:24.175
And I’ll let people research that if they like their Cooper’s color code of alertness.

01:06:24.175 –> 01:06:26.995
Alertness but yeah i mean there’s points where

01:06:26.995 –> 01:06:29.955
you should be able to be in the white zone but when you’re outside

01:06:29.955 –> 01:06:33.175
your house you should be in that yellow plus and

01:06:33.175 –> 01:06:38.455
there’s others that argue there’s better systems and better alert systems than

01:06:38.455 –> 01:06:44.395
that okay fine but right for the sake of this conversation yeah you know being

01:06:44.395 –> 01:06:50.115
on point being alert stay frosty head on a swivel whatever it is.

01:06:50.955 –> 01:06:54.555
But with that being said, you can’t possibly catch everything.

01:06:54.555 –> 01:07:00.115
It’s just the point that you were making effort and that you are paying attention

01:07:00.115 –> 01:07:05.435
and willing to pay attention and not apathetic or completely oblivious to everything

01:07:05.435 –> 01:07:06.775
that’s going on around you.

01:07:07.715 –> 01:07:12.755
Right. And that’s another thing too, is perfection is something that I think

01:07:12.755 –> 01:07:16.575
a lot of women struggle with, or at least I’ve heard that a lot of women say

01:07:16.575 –> 01:07:20.215
they try so much. I mean, I mean, we’ve heard it in career-based,

01:07:21.093 –> 01:07:25.753
teachings or presentations, if there’s a job posting and it says these 10 bullet

01:07:25.753 –> 01:07:32.873
points are a requirement of the job, a guy says, I have four of those. I can do it. No problem.

01:07:33.153 –> 01:07:36.693
A woman says, I can only do four of those. I better not apply.

01:07:36.993 –> 01:07:42.433
Again, I know this is generalization and I could get slammed up and down for

01:07:42.433 –> 01:07:47.593
saying that, but it’s just what has found. And so when I think about situational

01:07:47.593 –> 01:07:51.193
awareness, it’s not about perfect situational awareness.

01:07:51.693 –> 01:07:58.393
I have two small children. There is absolutely no way that I can get perfect

01:07:58.393 –> 01:08:02.793
situational awareness because they are mom, mom, mom, mom.

01:08:03.093 –> 01:08:08.233
Hey, mom, mom. What about this? Mom, mom. And so it’s really important for me

01:08:08.233 –> 01:08:13.473
to kind of give myself grace and also have a mental plan.

01:08:13.653 –> 01:08:19.973
Okay. If this happened when I’m with my two kids, I can’t run very fast. So what are my options?

01:08:20.313 –> 01:08:23.333
You know, if, you know, and again, if somebody grabs my purse,

01:08:23.513 –> 01:08:26.753
I’m with my two kids, have fun, go to town. Don’t worry.

01:08:26.913 –> 01:08:29.873
I’m going to have all those shut down in five minutes, you know,

01:08:29.953 –> 01:08:33.653
because it’s not worth me getting into a physical altercation when I have my

01:08:33.653 –> 01:08:37.453
two sons with me. If it can be replaced, let it go.

01:08:37.813 –> 01:08:41.673
Do not haggle over material items.

01:08:42.013 –> 01:08:45.713
It’s important to think about your safety and what’s most important.

01:08:45.913 –> 01:08:50.773
And for women, me kind of saying, there is no such thing as perfect situational awareness, ladies.

01:08:50.993 –> 01:08:56.893
And like you said, you could be as prepared and have plans and do everything in your power.

01:08:57.113 –> 01:09:02.913
Go to a self-defense studio, a martial arts studio, whatever works for you all the time.

01:09:03.773 –> 01:09:06.713
And still get attacked. I mean, there was just a couple of weeks ago,

01:09:06.813 –> 01:09:09.893
wasn’t that MMA fighter that had a home invasion?

01:09:10.533 –> 01:09:15.993
I mean, who messes with an MMA fighter? Right. Really? And he even said,

01:09:16.193 –> 01:09:17.853
that was different. Clearly placed the wrong house.

01:09:18.853 –> 01:09:25.053
Right. And so it’s giving that permission to say, if you can start,

01:09:25.233 –> 01:09:29.093
you’ll do things that will make you appear less likely to be targeted.

01:09:29.093 –> 01:09:36.293
And that’s really what we want you to do. We want predators to look at you and decide not worth it.

01:09:36.553 –> 01:09:41.313
Either she’s going to yell, she’s got mace, or whatever, pepper spray,

01:09:41.493 –> 01:09:47.853
or whatever tool, or she just looks like someone who is not going to put up

01:09:47.853 –> 01:09:49.893
with me, testing her boundaries.

01:09:50.413 –> 01:09:54.653
They’re going to completely avoid you and wait for the next person.

01:09:54.873 –> 01:09:56.493
So again, that confidence.

01:09:56.933 –> 01:10:00.393
I mean, it’s the networking. you

01:10:00.393 –> 01:10:03.273
know again i try and relate so much of what

01:10:03.273 –> 01:10:06.073
i talk to women about to skills that

01:10:06.073 –> 01:10:09.013
they probably already use in everyday life networking events

01:10:09.013 –> 01:10:12.293
the seven second rule it takes seven seconds for

01:10:12.293 –> 01:10:15.493
someone to make a first impression of you well the

01:10:15.493 –> 01:10:18.333
predator uses those same seven seconds yeah they

01:10:18.333 –> 01:10:21.173
take that time to evaluate whether you’re going to be a

01:10:21.173 –> 01:10:23.973
good victim or somebody they don’t

01:10:23.973 –> 01:10:27.513
want to mess with give them the impression of not

01:10:27.513 –> 01:10:30.273
to mess with right yeah you know funny we

01:10:30.273 –> 01:10:33.453
were talking before we when we were testing for

01:10:33.453 –> 01:10:36.233
the third time but we talked about bands and it

01:10:36.233 –> 01:10:40.253
just made me think about i was in ninth grade

01:10:40.253 –> 01:10:43.093
ninth or tenth grade and our

01:10:43.093 –> 01:10:46.773
band instructor was well i’m

01:10:46.773 –> 01:10:50.013
sure nobody knows him but frank pastorella italian guy

01:10:50.013 –> 01:10:53.453
one of those guys you just look like you don’t mess with him right and

01:10:53.453 –> 01:10:56.473
I’ll never forget it was me and two of my friends when we were both sitting there

01:10:56.473 –> 01:11:00.233
and here’s somehow the conversation went about

01:11:00.233 –> 01:11:03.793
impressions of us and he was like oh you know my one

01:11:03.793 –> 01:11:06.653
friend yep you know you’re super nice really going to

01:11:06.653 –> 01:11:09.353
the la you know my second friend to the la and he’s like

01:11:09.353 –> 01:11:12.333
you Kelly you remind me of a girl into college

01:11:12.333 –> 01:11:15.213
who knocked the guy’s front teeth out because he said the

01:11:15.213 –> 01:11:18.533
wrong thing to her and and I was like why and

01:11:18.533 –> 01:11:23.793
he goes I don’t know you just strike me as that type so apparently whatever.

01:11:23.793 –> 01:11:28.733
I was doing at the time was working for me but again giving that first impression.

01:11:28.733 –> 01:11:36.753
Of I am not someone that you want to pick wait for someone else or no one go away.

01:11:37.919 –> 01:11:43.299
We wanted to capitalize and talk about the subject of situational awareness,

01:11:43.299 –> 01:11:48.779
and I think we’ve covered that in a broad stroke and probably could talk about that for some time.

01:11:48.959 –> 01:11:53.619
But, you know, one of the other things that we’ve talked about is the concern

01:11:53.619 –> 01:12:00.299
that people don’t do as much for their personal safety or don’t get involved

01:12:00.299 –> 01:12:03.579
with their own personal safety as much as they should.

01:12:04.239 –> 01:12:07.219
What are some things that and i and i know you’ve said because

01:12:07.219 –> 01:12:10.179
you did some research and if i remember right you did some

01:12:10.179 –> 01:12:13.239
email polling of your followers and what

01:12:13.239 –> 01:12:17.219
was the challenges for them and i think the consistent theme

01:12:17.219 –> 01:12:21.539
as you pointed out earlier was just time availability right they need more time

01:12:21.539 –> 01:12:26.839
for themselves they’ve got kids they got husbands they’re busy busy busy you

01:12:26.839 –> 01:12:31.559
know the time or either that they feel like it doesn’t it won’t ever apply to

01:12:31.559 –> 01:12:33.259
them or won’t ever happen to them.

01:12:33.659 –> 01:12:37.099
And I’m sure there’s a handful that are just completely apathetic.

01:12:37.259 –> 01:12:40.299
And there’s probably not a lot we can do for those folks.

01:12:40.459 –> 01:12:45.939
But for those that are semi questioning, hey, maybe I should start thinking

01:12:45.939 –> 01:12:47.019
about some of this stuff.

01:12:47.219 –> 01:12:51.779
What are some of the things in your mind that they could do to get started?

01:12:52.099 –> 01:12:56.679
You know, I think listening to podcasts, like what we just did,

01:12:56.879 –> 01:13:00.559
episodes like that to start listening to

01:13:00.559 –> 01:13:04.079
people talking about the subject and building your

01:13:04.079 –> 01:13:07.919
knowledge base is a great place to start following pages

01:13:07.919 –> 01:13:12.619
like the diamond arrow group like the self-initiative project you know there’s

01:13:12.619 –> 01:13:17.079
lots of us out there kind of you can kind of see there’s this pretty tight community

01:13:17.079 –> 01:13:21.079
pretty small community yeah and so if you start following one pretty soon you’ll

01:13:21.079 –> 01:13:24.919
start to see who else to follow and take those daily tips,

01:13:25.159 –> 01:13:31.259
those daily tricks to learn more about little behavioral changes you can make,

01:13:31.519 –> 01:13:37.419
daily habits you can start implementing so that they become a subconscious behavior.

01:13:37.999 –> 01:13:42.199
And again, just taking action. That first step is so important.

01:13:42.459 –> 01:13:48.499
If you’re a reader, let’s say you love to read, Buying the Gift of Fear by Gavin

01:13:48.499 –> 01:13:52.559
DeBecker, they’re buying the new superpower for women by Steve Cardian,

01:13:52.979 –> 01:13:58.779
buying Creepology by Anna, I think it’s Valdercy, I’m probably pronouncing that

01:13:58.779 –> 01:14:02.899
wrong, I apologize, but you can look Creepology and find it.

01:14:03.963 –> 01:14:08.643
Start, just do something to start taking your personal safety serious.

01:14:09.203 –> 01:14:14.383
Yeah. And, you know, I thought about this too, and you hit the nail on the head.

01:14:14.563 –> 01:14:19.263
I think, you know, not to toot our own horns, Kelly, but, you know,

01:14:19.363 –> 01:14:24.283
listening to podcasts like this and, you know, following your videos that you

01:14:24.283 –> 01:14:29.523
post and have available through your site is a great way to get started.

01:14:29.523 –> 01:14:37.783
Just to start hearing what might trigger some thoughts that you haven’t had before, some books.

01:14:38.083 –> 01:14:41.143
You know, I know time’s a factor, as you pointed out earlier.

01:14:41.403 –> 01:14:47.063
That seems to be a common theme for folks is availability of time for themselves,

01:14:47.403 –> 01:14:48.743
personal time for themselves.

01:14:48.983 –> 01:14:52.923
And, you know, I would say, look, just set aside an hour a week,

01:14:53.103 –> 01:14:58.243
an hour to three hours a month, 30 minutes a week, whatever,

01:14:58.483 –> 01:15:01.423
just to start looking at this stuff,

01:15:01.863 –> 01:15:06.683
reading about it, following us on these social media outlets, whatever.

01:15:07.483 –> 01:15:09.083
Seeking out some seminars.

01:15:09.083 –> 01:15:13.863
I will tell you that, you know, generally speaking,

01:15:14.523 –> 01:15:19.303
seminars, especially seminars that are focused on women’s self-defense only,

01:15:19.543 –> 01:15:25.063
they’re really meant as a feeder to the school because the reality of it is,

01:15:25.123 –> 01:15:29.383
is you can go take a two-hour seminar, three-hour seminar, four-hour seminar.

01:15:30.043 –> 01:15:33.903
Yeah, you’ve walked away with some new knowledge. If nothing else,

01:15:34.083 –> 01:15:37.583
it’s made you think about things you may not have before, but you can’t come

01:15:37.583 –> 01:15:40.663
out of a two-hour class and be a martial arts expert.

01:15:41.023 –> 01:15:47.603
So the goal of that is to trigger in you the desire to go seek out more for

01:15:47.603 –> 01:15:49.163
yourself and to get into training.

01:15:49.443 –> 01:15:56.483
You can’t become proficient at physical techniques or use of tools without ongoing training, but.

01:15:57.202 –> 01:16:01.082
But those seminars are still valuable, if nothing else, to make you see what

01:16:01.082 –> 01:16:04.702
you should maybe be thinking about in general.

01:16:04.902 –> 01:16:08.782
And then, you know, we’re going to be talking about this in the near future,

01:16:08.782 –> 01:16:15.082
but something that we’ve talked about in this podcast is think about scenarios

01:16:15.082 –> 01:16:20.862
that you think for your lifestyle and your context are appropriate for you.

01:16:20.862 –> 01:16:26.522
Think about scenarios that you think could happen or are possible,

01:16:26.522 –> 01:16:29.522
or maybe they’re a little far fetched. That’s okay too.

01:16:30.122 –> 01:16:34.922
But the key is to think about those scenarios and then think about what your

01:16:34.922 –> 01:16:41.622
plan is or how you would respond, what your plan is to deal with them or how

01:16:41.622 –> 01:16:43.042
you would respond to them.

01:16:43.302 –> 01:16:49.702
And that I suspect is going to set off an awful lot of light bulbs and cause

01:16:49.702 –> 01:16:54.482
you to think about things more at the very least and hopefully seek out some

01:16:54.482 –> 01:16:56.602
of these additional things that we’ve talked about,

01:16:56.782 –> 01:17:01.802
whether it be podcasts or books or information or self-defense training,

01:17:01.982 –> 01:17:04.842
whatever it will be. Yeah.

01:17:06.762 –> 01:17:10.282
Absolutely. So all good stuff. Yeah.

01:17:10.622 –> 01:17:15.522
So how can they find you? I know how to find you now, but how can they find you?

01:17:16.842 –> 01:17:24.682
Yeah. So my website, my website is the diamond arrow group.com and my Facebook

01:17:24.682 –> 01:17:28.662
and Instagram handles are also the diamond arrow group.

01:17:28.742 –> 01:17:32.822
And those are the best places to reach out, you know, message.

01:17:33.896 –> 01:17:38.396
Send me an email. It’s all listed there. And I had to encourage everyone,

01:17:38.396 –> 01:17:40.736
if you have a question, reach out.

01:17:40.996 –> 01:17:45.356
You know, that’s, we joked before, but I’m not afraid of hard questions.

01:17:46.096 –> 01:17:51.476
Or don’t feel, you know, don’t feel silly. You know, like, I have this neighbor,

01:17:51.876 –> 01:17:57.796
and it’s this, they do this behavior, and I overreacting, you know, literally,

01:17:58.636 –> 01:18:02.456
just one quick story, I had saw someone that I’m connected with on LinkedIn, in.

01:18:02.916 –> 01:18:08.076
And she was talking about basically a guy who was being a little bit too overzealous

01:18:08.076 –> 01:18:10.716
about trying to connect, trying to talk to her over the phone.

01:18:10.856 –> 01:18:14.496
And even though she kept saying, you know, she’s in New York City.

01:18:14.836 –> 01:18:17.776
Obviously right now we’re not meeting face to face, you know,

01:18:17.856 –> 01:18:20.936
but I’m not interested in having a phone call. You know, I’m dealing with what I’m doing.

01:18:21.096 –> 01:18:24.116
She has her own business. She’s dealing with that. She’s like, I don’t have time.

01:18:24.396 –> 01:18:28.616
And he kept pressing. And she was kind of voicing saying, I don’t want to be rude.

01:18:29.276 –> 01:18:33.776
And I went on and I said, this is not being rude. He is disrespecting your boundaries.

01:18:34.076 –> 01:18:38.676
Do you really want to have someone in your life who knows you’re in New York

01:18:38.676 –> 01:18:42.156
City, knows you own your own company, and you’re trying to keep it afloat and

01:18:42.156 –> 01:18:46.196
still keeps pressing you even though you’ve said no, no, no?

01:18:47.456 –> 01:18:53.236
And so if you have, I encourage any women who are listening,

01:18:53.236 –> 01:18:58.916
if you have a question, reach out. I’d be happy to chat with you and talk about

01:18:58.916 –> 01:19:00.616
it and find a solution that works for you.

01:19:01.696 –> 01:19:04.916
Yeah. Well, this has been great, Kelly.

01:19:05.116 –> 01:19:10.216
Again, I’m sorry we’ve had some technology issues along the way,

01:19:10.236 –> 01:19:17.496
but I’m so glad that we persevered and pushed through and did this for what now is, I think,

01:19:17.636 –> 01:19:20.296
the third time. So I appreciate you doing this.

01:19:21.096 –> 01:19:26.956
And thanks for being on. So until next time. I loved it. Thanks for coming on

01:19:26.956 –> 01:19:28.516
and we’ll talk to you soon.

01:19:30.160 –> 01:19:47.922
Music.