Overview
Season 1, Episode 5
We welcome Sergeant Deborah Kalish, Community Relations Manager with the Johns Creek Police Department and founder of New U Defense. Deborah’s self-defense program, READY, stands for Recognizing, Empowering, and Defending Yourselves, and is geared towards women and young ladies.
In this riveting episode, Deborah shares invaluable tools and tactics for self-defense, empowering women to recognize and avoid dangerous situations. With nearly 24 years of law enforcement experience, including specializing in crimes against women and children, Deborah offers a wealth of knowledge. From her early days as a parole officer and narcotics detective to her current role, Deborah’s journey is both inspiring and educational.
Listen as she delves into the importance of situational awareness, the power of instinct, and the critical need for a defensive mindset. Discover practical techniques, the significance of mental scripting, and the effectiveness of tools like pepper spray and tasers. Deborah’s passion for teaching and empowering women shines through, making this episode a must-listen for anyone interested in personal safety and self-defense.
Don’t miss this opportunity to learn from an expert and take the first step towards empowering yourself and those around you.
Transcript
View podcast transcript
1
00:00:00,000 –> 00:00:11,600
Music.
2
00:00:11,444 –> 00:00:15,384
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Self-Initiative Project Podcast.
3
00:00:15,904 –> 00:00:21,864
I’m your host, Jim O’Brien. Episode five, we welcome Sergeant Deborah Kalish,
4
00:00:22,024 –> 00:00:25,464
Community Relations Manager with the Johns Creek Police Department.
5
00:00:25,924 –> 00:00:31,364
Deborah’s company, New U Defense, has a self-defense program geared towards
6
00:00:31,364 –> 00:00:33,504
women and young ladies called READY.
7
00:00:33,644 –> 00:00:38,884
And READY actually stands for Recognizing, Empowering, and Defending Yourselves.
8
00:00:39,004 –> 00:00:40,424
And I think that’s great. Great.
9
00:00:40,724 –> 00:00:45,244
Debbie has some fantastic information about tools and tactics that women and
10
00:00:45,244 –> 00:00:49,544
young ladies can use should they ever find themselves in a situation where they’re
11
00:00:49,544 –> 00:00:50,624
needing to defend themselves,
12
00:00:50,984 –> 00:00:55,924
including how to carry themselves and what to look for in their day-to-day lives
13
00:00:55,924 –> 00:01:00,924
so as to help them avoid those types of situations to begin with. Hi, Debbie. How are you?
14
00:01:01,384 –> 00:01:05,084
Hey, how are you? I’m great. I’m good. I’m so glad you came on today.
15
00:01:05,184 –> 00:01:06,264
Thanks for being with us.
16
00:01:06,624 –> 00:01:11,424
I’m excited. Thanks for having me. Yeah. This is a great opportunity to talk to everybody.
17
00:01:11,764 –> 00:01:15,804
Yeah, thanks for coming on and thanks for our listeners for listening in.
18
00:01:16,304 –> 00:01:22,284
So we want to talk about Your Program Ready and all the aspects of that and
19
00:01:22,284 –> 00:01:24,004
women’s self-defense in general.
20
00:01:24,544 –> 00:01:29,584
Yes. So before we get started and do the deep dive, why don’t you tell us a
21
00:01:29,584 –> 00:01:33,044
little bit about yourself, who you are, what you do, what your experience is,
22
00:01:33,304 –> 00:01:35,644
and why this is important to you.
23
00:01:36,284 –> 00:01:39,364
Okay. Well, I am…
24
00:01:40,468 –> 00:01:45,828
Police officer. I’ve been doing this now for almost 24 years.
25
00:01:46,128 –> 00:01:52,788
In December, I should be going on 24 years. And I started off my career working
26
00:01:52,788 –> 00:01:54,828
at the Fulton County Police Department.
27
00:01:55,368 –> 00:01:59,268
I was a parole officer for several years.
28
00:01:59,628 –> 00:02:03,708
I went down and worked narcotics for a while as a detective.
29
00:02:04,168 –> 00:02:09,568
Then I switched over and went as a general detective and ended up specializing
30
00:02:09,568 –> 00:02:13,748
in crime against women and children at our major case division.
31
00:02:14,448 –> 00:02:20,548
And then when my kids were young, I had an opportunity to move over to the school
32
00:02:20,548 –> 00:02:23,688
and do the school policing for a little while.
33
00:02:23,828 –> 00:02:29,668
And that kind of put me more into the community phase and teaching these kind
34
00:02:29,668 –> 00:02:32,048
of classes and coming up with things for the students.
35
00:02:32,568 –> 00:02:38,068
So I went there and I worked there for a few years and kind of put me up in
36
00:02:38,068 –> 00:02:41,908
the Johns Creek area. So when the city of Johns Creek came about,
37
00:02:42,068 –> 00:02:46,528
they asked me if I wanted to come over and run their community services unit for them.
38
00:02:46,968 –> 00:02:52,648
So basically what I do now for my job is all these kind of classes,
39
00:02:52,808 –> 00:02:57,148
women and teen self-defense classes and any kind of community relations,
40
00:02:57,548 –> 00:03:01,988
kids safety classes, all that good stuff with the city. Cool.
41
00:03:02,448 –> 00:03:06,148
So you’re kind of the forward face of the department.
42
00:03:06,868 –> 00:03:08,388
Yeah, we do a lot of things.
43
00:03:09,128 –> 00:03:14,628
Anything out in the community, we run our social media and all that good stuff with it.
44
00:03:15,208 –> 00:03:19,168
It’s a great city to work for. Absolutely love being there.
45
00:03:19,788 –> 00:03:25,968
And I have an opportunity to get in front of a lot of people and teach them
46
00:03:25,968 –> 00:03:29,148
what I feel is some really important things.
47
00:03:29,688 –> 00:03:33,948
Okay, so I have to ask before we move on. So I did my research ahead of time
48
00:03:33,948 –> 00:03:35,508
and I saw that you were an MP.
49
00:03:35,968 –> 00:03:38,368
Explain that. How’d you wind up doing that?
50
00:03:39,328 –> 00:03:45,028
So, I started off, I wanted to be a cop since I was about in seventh grade.
51
00:03:45,548 –> 00:03:51,648
And when I was in high school, I decided, I’m not exactly sure where it came
52
00:03:51,648 –> 00:03:55,948
from, but I decided I was going to go into the Army National Guard.
53
00:03:56,628 –> 00:04:02,308
And I joined the Army National Guard at 17 and went to basic training in between
54
00:04:02,308 –> 00:04:07,848
my junior and senior year in high school. and came back, graduated high school,
55
00:04:07,908 –> 00:04:10,828
and went back for the AIC military police part of it.
56
00:04:11,748 –> 00:04:17,668
And I spent 10 years in the Army National Guard. And it was great.
57
00:04:18,836 –> 00:04:21,236
So what made you want to be a police officer in the first place?
58
00:04:21,316 –> 00:04:26,676
You said you joined up the Army National Guard at 17. What made you want to be a police officer?
59
00:04:27,056 –> 00:04:32,476
I had older friends that were officers in the town I grew up in,
60
00:04:33,196 –> 00:04:35,436
and I just thought it was the coolest thing ever.
61
00:04:35,636 –> 00:04:39,956
You know, they got to drive fast and help people and all the good stuff that
62
00:04:39,956 –> 00:04:42,976
goes with it. I mean, as a kid, that’s what you see.
63
00:04:43,536 –> 00:04:48,096
You know, ultimately, it comes down to wanting to be able to help people and
64
00:04:48,096 –> 00:04:50,076
really make a difference in somebody’s life.
65
00:04:50,796 –> 00:04:52,516
Absolutely. I understand completely.
66
00:04:53,256 –> 00:04:57,776
So let’s talk about your company and what you’re doing with women and teen,
67
00:04:57,876 –> 00:05:01,876
young girls, self-defense classes and learning the ropes there.
68
00:05:01,996 –> 00:05:05,296
Your company is New You Defense, U as in the letter U.
69
00:05:05,616 –> 00:05:10,136
No reason to try to spell that out. And your program that you’ve just recently
70
00:05:10,136 –> 00:05:16,576
renamed is READY, R-E-A-D-Y, Recognizing, Empowering, and Defending Yourself.
71
00:05:17,196 –> 00:05:24,316
Yes. So I started New Year’s Defense because teaching at the police department,
72
00:05:24,496 –> 00:05:26,636
I teach these classes all the time.
73
00:05:27,136 –> 00:05:33,156
And I had so many people asking for, we just, we can’t teach enough of them.
74
00:05:33,436 –> 00:05:37,116
So I decided to go out and start the company.
75
00:05:37,276 –> 00:05:41,856
And like you said, I just recently named the program.
76
00:05:42,276 –> 00:05:45,956
I just used to call it Women in Teen Safety and Self-Defense.
77
00:05:46,576 –> 00:05:48,456
And I wanted to give it more of an identity.
78
00:05:49,216 –> 00:05:54,856
So me and one of the women that I work with sat down one day and we were trying
79
00:05:54,856 –> 00:05:58,936
to look at the program and what it does and what it stands for.
80
00:05:59,016 –> 00:06:02,156
And we came up with the name Ready, recognizing, empowering,
81
00:06:02,296 –> 00:06:03,036
and defending yourself.
82
00:06:03,756 –> 00:06:11,636
So it is like recognizing, recognizing intentions without denial, empowering.
83
00:06:11,856 –> 00:06:16,256
So empowering yourself with the knowledge and the tools to handle a crisis.
84
00:06:17,053 –> 00:06:20,553
And always listening to your instincts and knowing your surroundings,
85
00:06:20,793 –> 00:06:25,413
defending, being able to defend against those who want to do harm to you,
86
00:06:25,533 –> 00:06:31,953
and then yourself, you are the most important person and take care of you.
87
00:06:32,393 –> 00:06:35,773
And that, to me, was important, too, because a lot of women.
88
00:06:35,913 –> 00:06:38,253
Particularly, forget to take care of themselves.
89
00:06:38,253 –> 00:06:41,953
Yeah yeah i think that empowering peace
90
00:06:41,953 –> 00:06:45,513
and reminding everyone anyone
91
00:06:45,513 –> 00:06:48,813
for that matter to listen to their gut and their instincts is
92
00:06:48,813 –> 00:06:52,413
is important absolutely okay so
93
00:06:52,413 –> 00:06:55,693
i know we were talking earlier in preparation to this
94
00:06:55,693 –> 00:06:58,493
podcast and we were talking
95
00:06:58,493 –> 00:07:01,513
about the fact that i think so oftentimes people think it’s
96
00:07:01,513 –> 00:07:04,453
going to be some masked you know black ski mask
97
00:07:04,453 –> 00:07:07,233
mask guy in a a leather jacket and black pants and black
98
00:07:07,233 –> 00:07:10,493
boots jumping out from behind the bushes or nabbing
99
00:07:10,493 –> 00:07:13,953
you in the parking lot downtown and you know
100
00:07:13,953 –> 00:07:17,853
that’s completely possible but more than likely 90%
101
00:07:17,853 –> 00:07:20,933
of the time it’s going to be someone closer to you especially when
102
00:07:20,933 –> 00:07:23,953
it comes to women it’s going to be someone you know either family
103
00:07:23,953 –> 00:07:27,713
relative or an acquaintance can
104
00:07:27,713 –> 00:07:31,173
you talk about that well yeah when it
105
00:07:31,173 –> 00:07:33,993
comes to especially when you’re looking at rates and stuff like
106
00:07:33,993 –> 00:07:37,533
that date race is absolutely a horrible
107
00:07:37,533 –> 00:07:40,693
problem with women when
108
00:07:40,693 –> 00:07:43,873
you’re looking at especially college age students
109
00:07:43,873 –> 00:07:48,873
and and dealing with that kind of stuff but it’s not just you know like you
110
00:07:48,873 –> 00:07:52,793
said it’s not just the person who’s going to jump out of the bushes at you it
111
00:07:52,793 –> 00:07:57,333
is somebody and you might not even know them but somebody that you’re going
112
00:07:57,333 –> 00:08:01,373
to allow to get too close to you that is going to be
113
00:08:01,453 –> 00:08:05,253
able to take advantage of you and hurt you because you allow them to get too close.
114
00:08:05,793 –> 00:08:08,913
Yeah. I was reading the other day that to your point that I,
115
00:08:08,953 –> 00:08:15,373
the, the highest at risk group of women is somewhere between the ages of 18 and 24.
116
00:08:16,093 –> 00:08:21,213
Does that sound about right? Yeah, there you go. Right in the middle of going to college.
117
00:08:21,373 –> 00:08:27,713
You know, I personally knew two women that were, they raped in college.
118
00:08:28,676 –> 00:08:34,816
And I don’t think we do enough to prepare our girls growing up for how to protect
119
00:08:34,816 –> 00:08:36,536
themselves and what to do.
120
00:08:36,676 –> 00:08:42,016
And, you know, kind of reiterating over and over again how not to put yourself
121
00:08:42,016 –> 00:08:48,816
in a bad position or make yourself more vulnerable to these kinds of issues.
122
00:08:49,336 –> 00:08:52,876
Yeah, make a really good point, because I think college and I was thinking about
123
00:08:52,876 –> 00:08:55,356
this again, getting ready for today.
124
00:08:55,356 –> 00:08:59,976
And that, you know, I think college puts us all, if we go to college,
125
00:09:00,196 –> 00:09:05,736
right smack dab into an environment where situations that we wouldn’t otherwise
126
00:09:05,736 –> 00:09:09,436
give a second thought to or may not even know to give any thought to,
127
00:09:09,596 –> 00:09:14,236
we’re putting ourselves in those situations more than we really should.
128
00:09:14,236 –> 00:09:18,416
And it’s not ironically until we get out of college and grow up and learn some
129
00:09:18,416 –> 00:09:22,816
things that those situations are some of the very situations we should have avoided,
130
00:09:22,936 –> 00:09:28,156
like the frat parties and drinking to excess and not paying attention to our
131
00:09:28,156 –> 00:09:31,636
drinks and who’s giving them to us and all of those sorts of things.
132
00:09:32,176 –> 00:09:37,036
Right. You know, and I did it myself when I was in high school and I,
133
00:09:37,056 –> 00:09:42,816
I came very close to being raped by putting myself in a position that I shouldn’t
134
00:09:42,816 –> 00:09:45,556
have done. And I wasn’t even thinking about it.
135
00:09:45,616 –> 00:09:50,436
And yes, I was drinking and I had gone to a party.
136
00:09:50,776 –> 00:09:57,956
And the way it was, the party was down in the basement and it was kind of detached from the house area.
137
00:09:58,736 –> 00:10:02,676
And I had gone up into the house, used the restroom by myself.
138
00:10:03,096 –> 00:10:05,436
And there were people in the house when I had gone in there.
139
00:10:05,516 –> 00:10:12,696
And when I came out of the restroom, just the guy who lived there at the house was in there.
140
00:10:12,816 –> 00:10:16,356
And he decided at that time, he was going to take me into the bedroom.
141
00:10:17,876 –> 00:10:24,536
And, you know, I think about it to this day, how lucky I was through the grace of God that I mean,
142
00:10:24,576 –> 00:10:31,876
between literally fighting with him to the point where he was trying to drag
143
00:10:31,876 –> 00:10:36,996
me into the bedroom and I fell against the doorframe and my arm was bruised and,
144
00:10:37,036 –> 00:10:41,356
you know, trying to talk him out of it. And, you know, I got out of it.
145
00:10:42,161 –> 00:10:44,701
But I should have never been in that position in the first place.
146
00:10:44,961 –> 00:10:47,881
I should have never gone up by myself.
147
00:10:48,581 –> 00:10:52,481
You know, I tell all the girls in my classes, when you get in college and you’re
148
00:10:52,481 –> 00:10:54,121
doing this stuff, you stay together.
149
00:10:54,821 –> 00:10:59,401
Always, always, always stay together. You know, just don’t give somebody the
150
00:10:59,401 –> 00:11:02,201
opportunity to take advantage of you.
151
00:11:02,661 –> 00:11:06,321
And don’t get me wrong. It is never, ever the victim’s fault.
152
00:11:06,461 –> 00:11:11,221
It is never the victim’s fault. But there are things that we can do to try to
153
00:11:11,221 –> 00:11:16,901
prevent from putting ourselves in a vulnerable position that we can become a victim. them.
154
00:11:17,341 –> 00:11:22,841
Yeah. And I mean, that’s a great point. It’s, it’s not the victim’s fault ever.
155
00:11:23,441 –> 00:11:27,961
And, you know, you don’t know what you don’t know because you don’t think about
156
00:11:27,961 –> 00:11:29,761
having to worry about things like that.
157
00:11:29,801 –> 00:11:33,161
And your parents didn’t necessarily teach you or tell you, Hey,
158
00:11:33,201 –> 00:11:35,761
these are the sorts of things you need to be on the lookout for.
159
00:11:35,821 –> 00:11:39,541
And if they did, you may not have even been able to understand what they were
160
00:11:39,541 –> 00:11:41,721
talking about having not experienced it before.
161
00:11:41,841 –> 00:11:44,861
So, you know, The good news is that
162
00:11:44,861 –> 00:11:50,481
nothing bad happened in that situation beyond what did happen and that now there’s
163
00:11:50,481 –> 00:11:54,601
an opportunity to get information and have programs like this and yours out
164
00:11:54,601 –> 00:11:59,161
there for people to get information from and be able to do something about it
165
00:11:59,161 –> 00:12:02,881
to defend themselves if they find themselves in those situations. And that’s a good thing.
166
00:12:03,561 –> 00:12:07,961
Absolutely. And that might be part of the reason why I’m so passionate about
167
00:12:07,961 –> 00:12:13,661
teaching, you know, girls how to protect themselves and more importantly,
168
00:12:14,301 –> 00:12:17,561
recognize dangerous situations and avoid them.
169
00:12:18,378 –> 00:12:22,858
Yeah. You know, now that you’ve brought that up, I had this plan run down this bullet list.
170
00:12:22,998 –> 00:12:25,718
It’s your bullet list, but that makes me want to jump around.
171
00:12:25,838 –> 00:12:31,238
And, you know, you’ve got this in your program, you’ve got this section called
172
00:12:31,238 –> 00:12:32,878
what you don’t know can hurt you.
173
00:12:32,878 –> 00:12:37,398
And one of your top points is and one of the top points that I’m always talking
174
00:12:37,398 –> 00:12:41,598
about is situational awareness and paying attention to your surroundings.
175
00:12:41,738 –> 00:12:46,338
And it’s got everything to do with how you carry yourself to not just go and
176
00:12:46,338 –> 00:12:50,598
avoiding the dark alleys and not going down the dark alleys, but knowing,
177
00:12:50,758 –> 00:12:53,478
you know, the parties that you
178
00:12:53,478 –> 00:12:56,958
may not want to be going to when you’re in college and things like that.
179
00:12:56,958 –> 00:13:00,378
So let’s talk about this for a minute.
180
00:13:00,558 –> 00:13:03,138
What you don’t know can hurt you.
181
00:13:03,958 –> 00:13:10,638
Absolutely. You know, criminals are always assessing their victims’ vulnerability.
182
00:13:11,378 –> 00:13:14,878
And you got to see, when you look at criminals, they don’t want to get caught.
183
00:13:15,318 –> 00:13:18,498
So it’s almost like a scale where they’re weighing their options.
184
00:13:18,838 –> 00:13:24,218
You know, is this person paying attention to me? Do they know what’s going on around them?
185
00:13:24,498 –> 00:13:30,358
Did they see me? And so many times, especially today, with people on their cell
186
00:13:30,358 –> 00:13:32,018
phones and they’re not paying attention.
187
00:13:32,478 –> 00:13:36,718
And I’ve read a lot of stuff on, you know, people were specifically picked because
188
00:13:36,718 –> 00:13:40,398
they were on their cell phones. But they have no idea what’s going on around them.
189
00:13:40,738 –> 00:13:46,638
You know, there have been studies done over the years where they videotaped
190
00:13:46,638 –> 00:13:54,018
people walking down the road and taking this video into the prison to show criminals,
191
00:13:54,138 –> 00:13:55,398
like, pick your victims.
192
00:13:55,858 –> 00:13:59,098
And they all pick the same people.
193
00:13:59,178 –> 00:14:04,398
And it has nothing to do with your sex necessarily and your race,
194
00:14:04,578 –> 00:14:07,818
how tall or short you are, what you’re wearing.
195
00:14:07,918 –> 00:14:13,078
It really has to do with the way somebody pays attention to their surroundings.
196
00:14:13,118 –> 00:14:15,598
There’s some key factors here.
197
00:14:15,698 –> 00:14:21,678
It’s your surroundings, it’s the way you walk, and eye contact.
198
00:14:22,578 –> 00:14:28,178
And those things and listening to your instincts I have four main parts that
199
00:14:28,178 –> 00:14:29,638
will keep you safe. Yeah.
200
00:14:30,558 –> 00:14:36,078
People sometimes don’t understand when we’ll talk about it, but even if you’re
201
00:14:36,078 –> 00:14:40,518
not alert, just looking like you’re alert and how you carry yourself can mean
202
00:14:40,518 –> 00:14:45,458
the difference between whether or not you’re chosen as a victim or potential victim or not.
203
00:14:46,318 –> 00:14:51,498
Absolutely. Your walk is so important and it’s a very hard thing to change.
204
00:14:52,018 –> 00:14:56,278
People, you know, If you just look at people and you study and watch them,
205
00:14:56,418 –> 00:15:00,078
people have their own flow, their own walk in the way they do it.
206
00:15:00,158 –> 00:15:08,178
And if you shuffle your feet or you’re kind of uneven, you’re more apt to be chosen as a victim.
207
00:15:08,218 –> 00:15:13,878
So what I tell my women and teens is what you have to do is,
208
00:15:13,958 –> 00:15:16,898
one, you got to pretend like you know what you’re doing and you have a purpose.
209
00:15:17,892 –> 00:15:22,212
So walk with confidence. Walk with a purpose. I completely agree.
210
00:15:22,552 –> 00:15:28,032
So put your shoulders back, put your head, make eye contact with people.
211
00:15:28,412 –> 00:15:31,372
And I’m not saying that you have to stare at them or, you know,
212
00:15:31,372 –> 00:15:38,472
it’s just, you look at that, you let them know that you saw them and you keep on going.
213
00:15:39,472 –> 00:15:43,392
And the more you can do this, the better off you will be.
214
00:15:44,032 –> 00:15:48,352
And, you know, actually, even if you’re faking it is, It’s not,
215
00:15:48,432 –> 00:15:52,852
it’s one of those things where if you fake it enough, people are going to start
216
00:15:52,852 –> 00:15:57,112
to treat you like you’re more confident and then you become more confident. Absolutely.
217
00:15:57,372 –> 00:16:02,292
So it is really about those four things, listening to your instincts,
218
00:16:02,632 –> 00:16:04,972
knowing what’s going on around you.
219
00:16:05,352 –> 00:16:07,292
Your instincts are everything.
220
00:16:08,012 –> 00:16:13,752
And, you know, from the time we are born, we are learning how to read body language
221
00:16:13,752 –> 00:16:17,192
and people just don’t understand it.
222
00:16:17,192 –> 00:16:21,752
So when the hair on the back of their neck is standing up or they got that gut
223
00:16:21,752 –> 00:16:22,992
feeling something’s wrong,
224
00:16:23,692 –> 00:16:28,392
they’re like, oh, you know, I don’t want him to think that I’m judging him or
225
00:16:28,392 –> 00:16:35,012
I’m thinking badly about him or, you know, I say him because typically it is a him.
226
00:16:36,492 –> 00:16:41,452
People don’t want to think like they’re judging people.
227
00:16:41,452 –> 00:16:44,712
People so they kind of go into
228
00:16:44,712 –> 00:16:47,552
denial about what they’re seeing and what
229
00:16:47,552 –> 00:16:50,692
they’re feeling and they ignore their instincts
230
00:16:50,692 –> 00:16:53,692
and they’ll walk right into danger ignoring your instincts
231
00:16:53,692 –> 00:16:58,012
so when you look at animals and
232
00:16:58,012 –> 00:17:00,732
the way they react to danger and we are the
233
00:17:00,732 –> 00:17:03,952
only animals on this planet that really ignore
234
00:17:03,952 –> 00:17:06,872
our instincts and we’ll walk right into danger they ignore
235
00:17:06,872 –> 00:17:09,752
all the the signals even though they’re right there and i was
236
00:17:09,752 –> 00:17:12,452
listening to something a few weeks ago that you know
237
00:17:12,452 –> 00:17:15,292
was talking about that very thing where the victim said well i
238
00:17:15,292 –> 00:17:18,132
i just knew it i just knew it and the person that
239
00:17:18,132 –> 00:17:21,472
was interviewing him said yeah but you did it anyway you know
240
00:17:21,472 –> 00:17:26,252
i think that’s such an important thing is not to ignore those those little gut
241
00:17:26,252 –> 00:17:31,472
tingly spidey senses as you call them no absolutely you can’t and denial i talk
242
00:17:31,472 –> 00:17:35,372
about denial in the program it’s it’s kind of a a big piece of it about how
243
00:17:35,372 –> 00:17:38,732
we as human beings will go into denial.
244
00:17:39,492 –> 00:17:44,972
It’s what we want to believe because you don’t want to believe that something bad is about to happen.
245
00:17:45,332 –> 00:17:49,232
It’s our natural instinct to think, oh, no, no, no, that’s not right.
246
00:17:49,752 –> 00:17:53,292
You know, you don’t want to go there. For instance,
247
00:17:53,512 –> 00:18:01,212
if you look at different things where people were in a situation or there was
248
00:18:01,212 –> 00:18:04,892
a shooting and people say, you know, I thought it was fireworks.
249
00:18:05,772 –> 00:18:09,872
And when you go back and you listen to it and they knew it was not fireworks,
250
00:18:10,352 –> 00:18:13,972
they’re just going into denial because your brain has a hard time accepting
251
00:18:13,972 –> 00:18:15,712
something bad is about to happen.
252
00:18:16,965 –> 00:18:23,525
What are you going to do to kind of fight that denial? One, the quicker you
253
00:18:23,525 –> 00:18:28,705
get out of it, get on to, okay, recognizing what’s going on right in front of
254
00:18:28,705 –> 00:18:30,165
you, the better off you’re going to be.
255
00:18:30,665 –> 00:18:36,065
So with denial comes the stress response that the body has.
256
00:18:36,485 –> 00:18:42,045
And everything that happens to your body under stress, as soon as your heart
257
00:18:42,045 –> 00:18:47,065
rate goes up, your ability to think goes down. And that’s just a proven fact.
258
00:18:47,225 –> 00:18:49,485
It happens to you. It happens to me.
259
00:18:49,765 –> 00:18:56,405
You know, even after almost 24 years in law enforcement, if I get in a situation
260
00:18:56,405 –> 00:19:03,725
where my adrenaline goes up, my stress level goes up, things happen.
261
00:19:03,725 –> 00:19:10,605
So, you know, you’re looking at most people under their average,
262
00:19:10,725 –> 00:19:16,765
you would say between what, 70, 80 beats per minute is their normal heart rate.
263
00:19:16,985 –> 00:19:21,025
The higher you go up, your abilities start diminishing.
264
00:19:21,025 –> 00:19:30,065
So when you get to about 120 beats per minute that’s probably your range of heart rate where.
265
00:19:30,625 –> 00:19:33,785
You’re going to do your best on fighting off somebody
266
00:19:33,785 –> 00:19:38,865
that’s kind of the area where people said oh i’ve got got that superhuman strength
267
00:19:38,865 –> 00:19:46,445
but when you start getting up into you know the high 160s into 170s your body
268
00:19:46,445 –> 00:19:51,705
can just shut down and freeze i mean you might even lose control of your bowels at that point.
269
00:19:52,445 –> 00:19:57,965
So there’s things that you have to try to do to bring down your heart rate and
270
00:19:57,965 –> 00:20:01,025
get control over the stress on your body at that moment.
271
00:20:01,965 –> 00:20:07,445
And one of the things that we teach is how to combat breathe.
272
00:20:08,377 –> 00:20:13,657
And combat breathing is one of those things where if you take a deep breath
273
00:20:13,657 –> 00:20:17,297
in and you hold it, you say one, two,
274
00:20:17,577 –> 00:20:22,917
three, four, you know, you count to four and then you let it out and you count
275
00:20:22,917 –> 00:20:24,637
to four again and you breathe in.
276
00:20:24,697 –> 00:20:29,877
And if you can do that a couple of times, it will actually bring your heart
277
00:20:29,877 –> 00:20:34,437
rate down between 20 and 30 beats per minute, which will give you the ability
278
00:20:34,437 –> 00:20:36,717
to think better and make a good decision.
279
00:20:36,717 –> 00:20:40,097
I’m so glad you’re talking about how to combat those things,
280
00:20:40,137 –> 00:20:43,317
because the one thing that kind of is frustrating to me, you know,
281
00:20:43,317 –> 00:20:48,397
we talk about that when your body experiences stress and you have that dump of adrenaline,
282
00:20:48,657 –> 00:20:52,297
you know, you don’t know how to do it. And that’s when the whole fight or flight thing occurs.
283
00:20:52,537 –> 00:20:58,177
Right. But they talk about auditory exclusion where you can’t hear you develop tunnel vision.
284
00:20:58,457 –> 00:21:03,797
You lose. You lose your fine motor skills, which means it’s important that you’re
285
00:21:03,797 –> 00:21:08,457
not depending on finger movement. You’re, you know, you’re going to need to
286
00:21:08,457 –> 00:21:12,297
know how to use more gross motor skills, larger movements.
287
00:21:12,577 –> 00:21:16,417
But the other thing that I read some time ago, and I haven’t had anybody confirm
288
00:21:16,417 –> 00:21:21,097
or deny it, is that in addition to the auditory exclusion, the tunnel vision
289
00:21:21,097 –> 00:21:23,017
and the fine motor skill loss,
290
00:21:23,277 –> 00:21:30,677
I read somewhere where it said the average person’s IQ in that scenario actually drops down to 70.
291
00:21:30,677 –> 00:21:34,497
Now, that’s the first time I’d read that, and I forget where I saw that,
292
00:21:34,637 –> 00:21:37,497
but actually IQ changes and it drops.
293
00:21:37,757 –> 00:21:42,077
So, you know, the point that I was trying to make is that in training,
294
00:21:42,177 –> 00:21:46,817
it’s very difficult to initiate those things in training, right?
295
00:21:46,897 –> 00:21:51,037
Something really bad would actually have to be happening to you for you to experience
296
00:21:51,037 –> 00:21:54,977
that level, you know, to be able to experience those sorts of things.
297
00:21:54,977 –> 00:22:00,377
But I think to your point, the good news is, is that we can train how to combat
298
00:22:00,377 –> 00:22:04,317
them and obviously one being breathing. So I’m glad you touched on that.
299
00:22:05,190 –> 00:22:10,910
Okay. So, yeah, what happens to your body and the auditory exclusion?
300
00:22:10,950 –> 00:22:14,330
You know, I’ve gone through all these in my career as a police officer.
301
00:22:14,490 –> 00:22:20,270
I’ve had auditory exclusion where I didn’t hear radio talking to me and saying
302
00:22:20,270 –> 00:22:23,890
that they were sending somebody when I said I need another officer.
303
00:22:24,510 –> 00:22:29,650
I’ve had tunnel vision where all of a sudden I saw the gun and it was like,
304
00:22:29,690 –> 00:22:32,930
oh, look, there’s the gun. and you don’t see, and for an officer,
305
00:22:33,090 –> 00:22:37,430
it can be very dangerous because you don’t see the other things that are around the sides of you.
306
00:22:38,150 –> 00:22:42,930
This happens to officers over and over and over again.
307
00:22:42,970 –> 00:22:50,330
If you look at Lieutenant Colonel Grossman, his research on the stress and what happens to officers,
308
00:22:50,790 –> 00:22:55,770
will typically train and train and train and train to try to ward off what happens
309
00:22:55,770 –> 00:22:58,090
to your body under stress, and it still happens.
310
00:22:58,090 –> 00:23:02,030
So what we can do, and the only thing we can do, is train.
311
00:23:02,570 –> 00:23:07,510
And you have to be able to look back on something, because one of the ways to
312
00:23:07,510 –> 00:23:13,430
kind of combat it, other than your breathing, is…
313
00:23:14,220 –> 00:23:18,440
To look and say, okay, I need to do some mental scripting.
314
00:23:18,900 –> 00:23:24,700
And that would be having a plan and kind of running through scenarios in your
315
00:23:24,700 –> 00:23:28,240
brain, what you’re going to do if this happens.
316
00:23:28,680 –> 00:23:35,440
So for instance, when I was on the street as an officer and I would just let’s
317
00:23:35,440 –> 00:23:38,940
say I’ll drive up to the corner and I’d be at red light and I would look to
318
00:23:38,940 –> 00:23:41,260
the side and if there’s a convenience store, I said,
319
00:23:41,340 –> 00:23:44,900
what would I do if the convenience store was being robbed right now?
320
00:23:45,320 –> 00:23:50,180
How am I going to react? And I would mentally script what I would do and how to respond.
321
00:23:51,000 –> 00:23:55,180
Because it’s great when you get the 911 call and you got your little checklist
322
00:23:55,180 –> 00:23:57,960
in your head that was going off like, I’m going to go here, I’m going to do
323
00:23:57,960 –> 00:24:00,040
this, I’ve got this, check, check, check, check.
324
00:24:00,320 –> 00:24:04,320
But when it happens to you right in front of you, it’s different.
325
00:24:05,120 –> 00:24:08,620
It’s different for everybody. So you have to kind of mentally script.
326
00:24:08,620 –> 00:24:14,000
Fritz, okay, if I’m sitting on my couch in my living room and somebody kicks
327
00:24:14,000 –> 00:24:17,520
in the door, the back door, the front door, what am I going to do?
328
00:24:17,900 –> 00:24:22,100
It’s so funny. Yeah, no, I was just going to say, it’s so funny that you bring
329
00:24:22,100 –> 00:24:24,480
that one up because I do that probably not as much.
330
00:24:24,500 –> 00:24:28,520
I don’t run through those mental scenarios, like you say, as probably as much
331
00:24:28,520 –> 00:24:32,480
as I should, but I do think through those and I think, okay,
332
00:24:32,520 –> 00:24:36,140
I’m sitting in my leather chair with my feet on my ottoman watching a movie
333
00:24:36,140 –> 00:24:38,560
and someone kicks in my front door. or what am I going to do?
334
00:24:39,920 –> 00:24:46,700
So, yeah, I know it seems weird, but if you think about these things ahead of
335
00:24:46,700 –> 00:24:53,720
time, you will help yourself out tremendously when it comes to a real situation,
336
00:24:54,380 –> 00:24:57,880
because you’re not trying to figure out what to do under a crisis.
337
00:24:58,180 –> 00:25:02,180
You know, I tell people about, it’s the same thing.
338
00:25:02,200 –> 00:25:07,680
It’s, you know, if you’re going to carry a weapon, even pepper spray, You need to have two,
339
00:25:07,880 –> 00:25:12,200
you take one and you go practice and you learn how it works,
340
00:25:12,260 –> 00:25:15,340
you learn how to unlock it, you see how far away you have to be,
341
00:25:15,440 –> 00:25:17,800
you practice, all that stuff.
342
00:25:18,802 –> 00:25:24,622
So, when it’s under a crisis situation, the very first time you’re not trying
343
00:25:24,622 –> 00:25:29,102
to figure out how to unlock your pepper spray is when you’re shaking so bad
344
00:25:29,102 –> 00:25:33,382
that you’re going to end up spraying yourself in the face with it. Or dropping it.
345
00:25:34,322 –> 00:25:38,102
Or dropping it, yes. So, the time to figure these things out,
346
00:25:38,162 –> 00:25:41,082
hopefully, would be in a non-crisis situation.
347
00:25:41,802 –> 00:25:45,022
And you don’t have to harp on it. It’s not like one of those things that you
348
00:25:45,022 –> 00:25:48,362
have to walk around being paranoid about. You really don’t.
349
00:25:48,802 –> 00:25:52,362
Because the chances of something like that happening to you are rare.
350
00:25:52,602 –> 00:25:57,682
But if you just take a moment to look around and think, well,
351
00:25:57,742 –> 00:25:59,942
what if this happens? That’s what I would do.
352
00:26:01,442 –> 00:26:06,782
Mental scripting is a very powerful tool, and it helps you prepare for things.
353
00:26:07,422 –> 00:26:11,982
Yeah, and it’s so important because that all comes down to the planning.
354
00:26:11,982 –> 00:26:16,342
You know, in the self-defense community, it’s impossible to train for every
355
00:26:16,342 –> 00:26:19,322
possible scenario that could occur, right?
356
00:26:19,402 –> 00:26:25,282
Because most of self-defense is, sure, you’ll talk about situations and scenarios,
357
00:26:25,442 –> 00:26:29,822
but it’s mostly focused on the techniques to use to plan to get away, right?
358
00:26:29,962 –> 00:26:33,062
But there’s no way to train for all those things.
359
00:26:33,062 –> 00:26:37,342
So by thinking about those scenarios and scripting for yourself what you would
360
00:26:37,342 –> 00:26:41,862
do or the options that you would have available to you to do is so important
361
00:26:41,862 –> 00:26:43,062
because if you can’t train,
362
00:26:43,222 –> 00:26:47,822
then the planning and kind of getting a mental plan in place is the next most
363
00:26:47,822 –> 00:26:49,522
important best piece to do.
364
00:26:50,142 –> 00:26:55,922
And really, that’s all you have. I mean, you can’t set up training where you’re
365
00:26:55,922 –> 00:26:58,682
going to have somebody go in and attack you just randomly.
366
00:26:58,862 –> 00:27:01,102
That isn’t really holistic.
367
00:27:01,682 –> 00:27:07,342
Yeah. You know, I tried to put some pressure on the women at the end of the
368
00:27:07,342 –> 00:27:13,982
class and I make them close their eyes and I’ll walk around and I’ll hit the
369
00:27:13,982 –> 00:27:16,422
bag. So it makes the noise and you can see them jump.
370
00:27:16,562 –> 00:27:20,322
And I’m intentionally trying to make their heart rate go up a little bit.
371
00:27:20,542 –> 00:27:25,942
And as they’re doing this, I’m saying, OK, we taught you how to do some stuff,
372
00:27:26,062 –> 00:27:31,162
a couple moves, basic moves, because I’m not getting into any kind of crazy
373
00:27:31,162 –> 00:27:32,762
stuff. up, you’re not going to remember it.
374
00:27:33,584 –> 00:27:39,684
Basic gross motor skill moves. And I say, think about how you’re planning your head.
375
00:27:40,364 –> 00:27:43,344
What are you going to do? So when I tap them on the shoulder,
376
00:27:44,124 –> 00:27:46,404
they’ve got a plan in their head, how to react.
377
00:27:47,184 –> 00:27:51,824
Sure. And that’s, that’s what I want them to do. I want to put a little bit of pressure on them.
378
00:27:52,044 –> 00:27:55,104
I want them to have that plan. I said, all right, think about three new,
379
00:27:55,624 –> 00:27:57,724
three things you’re going to do when I tap you on the shoulder,
380
00:27:57,824 –> 00:28:01,184
I tap them on the shoulder and they jump and go to it.
381
00:28:01,204 –> 00:28:06,824
Go to it. But you got to have, I’m hoping, you know, I only teach them five things.
382
00:28:07,684 –> 00:28:12,404
That’s not the main part of the class. The main part of the class is about learning
383
00:28:12,404 –> 00:28:17,044
how to get out of denial and listening to your instincts and all those types of things.
384
00:28:18,004 –> 00:28:19,644
They’re going to be lucky if
385
00:28:19,644 –> 00:28:24,364
they remember maybe three or two or three of the moves that I teach them.
386
00:28:24,404 –> 00:28:28,764
That’s why I don’t get into any of the crazy stuff, because without practicing
387
00:28:28,764 –> 00:28:30,824
it all the time, you’re not going to remember.
388
00:28:31,444 –> 00:28:34,804
Yeah, I think that’s and again, I keep saying this because I’m sure we’re going
389
00:28:34,804 –> 00:28:36,144
to have a lot of good points today.
390
00:28:36,284 –> 00:28:40,664
But, you know, that’s a really great point. The irony of self-defense is,
391
00:28:40,724 –> 00:28:44,484
is everyone gets caught up in the techniques because that’s the fun and exciting
392
00:28:44,484 –> 00:28:48,244
and cool stuff. But just as important, if not more important,
393
00:28:48,284 –> 00:28:50,344
is just getting your students to think.
394
00:28:50,504 –> 00:28:56,384
Right. If you can send them away thinking about stuff or maybe maybe they’ve
395
00:28:56,384 –> 00:28:58,384
been encouraged to go seek out additional
396
00:28:58,384 –> 00:29:01,704
training so they can become more proficient at the physical stuff.
397
00:29:01,704 –> 00:29:05,764
But just getting them to think and think about scenarios and think about how
398
00:29:05,764 –> 00:29:10,224
they would react, that’s as if not more important than the actual physical stuff anyway.
399
00:29:11,104 –> 00:29:16,384
Absolutely. Especially when you’ve got a limited time to teach them in a two-hour seminar, right?
400
00:29:17,184 –> 00:29:24,164
Absolutely. The whole thing on, if you can do the things that I talk about in
401
00:29:24,164 –> 00:29:27,524
the beginning of the class, you probably will never even get in a situation
402
00:29:27,524 –> 00:29:28,984
where you had to use the other stuff.
403
00:29:28,984 –> 00:29:33,164
So being able to think and recognize, you know,
404
00:29:34,232 –> 00:29:40,112
Recognizing what is going on around you and recognizing somebody’s intentions.
405
00:29:41,392 –> 00:29:44,992
And that’s the first part. You know, when I said, are you ready?
406
00:29:45,032 –> 00:29:47,092
It’s recognizing intentions without denial.
407
00:29:47,292 –> 00:29:52,572
So being able to know what’s going on and not going into denial and being able
408
00:29:52,572 –> 00:29:57,532
to be prepared to react once you see it. Absolutely.
409
00:29:58,232 –> 00:30:01,672
So I want to talk about a couple of things that you say that you’ll,
410
00:30:01,752 –> 00:30:05,672
you teach and you learn about going through your ready training and they seem
411
00:30:05,672 –> 00:30:08,852
related to me. So I just want us to kind of deep dive on these.
412
00:30:08,912 –> 00:30:15,812
One is defensive mindset and then the self-defense preparedness and what,
413
00:30:15,832 –> 00:30:19,532
how you define those, what, what the separation is in those and,
414
00:30:19,572 –> 00:30:22,972
and what they are for you and what you teach.
415
00:30:23,592 –> 00:30:29,432
Okay. So, you know, your mindset is everything. Back to Lieutenant Colonel Grossman.
416
00:30:29,852 –> 00:30:32,832
He talks a lot about the warrior mindset.
417
00:30:33,672 –> 00:30:39,452
And it is so important to have that mindset. And this is what I tell people.
418
00:30:39,912 –> 00:30:43,292
When somebody comes to attack you, I want you to look at them.
419
00:30:43,292 –> 00:30:47,032
And instead of going, help me, help me, I want you to look at them and say,
420
00:30:47,132 –> 00:30:48,392
you’re about to have a bad day.
421
00:30:48,992 –> 00:30:55,012
I want your attitude to be like, you just picked the wrong person and it’s not
422
00:30:55,012 –> 00:30:56,472
going to be me. It’s going to be you.
423
00:30:56,932 –> 00:30:59,872
And it has to be because your mindset is everything.
424
00:30:59,992 –> 00:31:05,852
Your mindset can keep you alive because if you’re fighting and at this point,
425
00:31:05,872 –> 00:31:07,792
let’s just say you’re fighting for your life.
426
00:31:08,252 –> 00:31:12,472
If you’re fighting for your life, if you give up, you’re done.
427
00:31:13,292 –> 00:31:19,092
You have to be, I am not going to lose. I’m going to, you know,
428
00:31:19,092 –> 00:31:21,092
basically what I see is a stun and run.
429
00:31:22,089 –> 00:31:24,769
I’m going to get free and I’m going to survive no matter what.
430
00:31:25,029 –> 00:31:27,309
Yeah. It’s, it’s the mindset. So key.
431
00:31:27,409 –> 00:31:31,109
You know, I don’t remember the first time I’ve heard it and I heard it years
432
00:31:31,109 –> 00:31:33,669
ago. And then since then I’ve seen it several times.
433
00:31:33,749 –> 00:31:37,649
I think there’s even a business or two named after it, but I heard it and I
434
00:31:37,649 –> 00:31:38,309
thought it was brilliant.
435
00:31:38,389 –> 00:31:42,369
You have to fight like the third monkey trying to get on the arc.
436
00:31:42,689 –> 00:31:50,149
And I think that’s, I have that slide in the presentation, right?
437
00:31:50,189 –> 00:31:51,569
Like you’re that third monkey.
438
00:31:51,669 –> 00:31:53,989
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
439
00:31:54,889 –> 00:31:59,009
And how does that tie into the self-defense preparedness?
440
00:31:59,409 –> 00:32:03,489
Like when I think of those things, I think of the mindset, I think about situational
441
00:32:03,489 –> 00:32:07,729
awareness and keeping my head on a swivel, carrying myself right,
442
00:32:07,989 –> 00:32:11,089
having those scenarios kind of pre-planned in my head.
443
00:32:11,089 –> 00:32:15,229
So if I am attacked or someone approaches me in a way where my spidey senses
444
00:32:15,229 –> 00:32:17,389
are going off, I’m ready to go.
445
00:32:17,509 –> 00:32:20,109
And then when it’s time to go, I go without hesitation.
446
00:32:20,969 –> 00:32:24,349
Is that what we’re talking about when you talk about self-defense preparedness?
447
00:32:25,629 –> 00:32:32,029
Absolutely. It’s the whole package. You know, knowing, recognizing,
448
00:32:32,429 –> 00:32:37,069
being able to either run and get out.
449
00:32:37,069 –> 00:32:41,049
Oh, because I’m never going to tell somebody to stand there and try to fight if you can leave.
450
00:32:41,429 –> 00:32:44,149
I mean, your whole goal is to get away.
451
00:32:45,109 –> 00:32:50,989
And, you know, I would never teach women or anybody else to stand there and
452
00:32:50,989 –> 00:32:53,389
try to go toe-to-toe with somebody. It’s done and run.
453
00:32:53,889 –> 00:32:57,869
So it’s the whole package of being ready and being prepared.
454
00:32:59,016 –> 00:33:03,116
Acknowledging, having that mindset that, you know, this is what I need to do.
455
00:33:03,396 –> 00:33:05,556
This is what I need to recognize.
456
00:33:06,236 –> 00:33:14,016
When you look at things like intention assessment and you’re looking at someone
457
00:33:14,016 –> 00:33:16,796
and you’re trying to figure out what their intentions are.
458
00:33:17,196 –> 00:33:22,036
You know, if you tell somebody to stop and they still come at you,
459
00:33:22,156 –> 00:33:25,496
you already know what their intentions are.
460
00:33:25,796 –> 00:33:28,396
So you need to be prepared at that point to react.
461
00:33:29,016 –> 00:33:31,316
Yeah. You know, something, something’s not right.
462
00:33:32,156 –> 00:33:38,276
So that’s a good point. And I know you mentioned this in some of your overview of your classes.
463
00:33:38,356 –> 00:33:41,736
I think that’s important for women, especially understand is,
464
00:33:41,816 –> 00:33:46,576
you know, it seems like, and even some men too, you know, it’s a polite society, right?
465
00:33:46,696 –> 00:33:50,176
We’ve, we’ve kind of gotten away from our visceral reactions and,
466
00:33:50,196 –> 00:33:52,236
you know, bare knuckle fighting and all of that.
467
00:33:52,276 –> 00:33:57,316
So we’ve moved into this overly nice, overly politically correct concern people
468
00:33:57,316 –> 00:34:01,956
will like us you know all those sorts of things and i think it’s hard for women
469
00:34:01,956 –> 00:34:07,396
to be prepared to respond in a less than friendly manner you know because they don’t want to be,
470
00:34:08,096 –> 00:34:13,336
viewed as dare i say the bitch right because that’s kind of how socially those
471
00:34:13,336 –> 00:34:18,116
things kind of wind up sometimes right but i think it’s okay that they know
472
00:34:18,116 –> 00:34:22,216
it’s okay in those scenarios where it’s no holds barred.
473
00:34:22,236 –> 00:34:23,716
It’s okay to respond that way,
474
00:34:23,756 –> 00:34:28,676
to yell if you need to and respond physically if it gets to that point.
475
00:34:29,756 –> 00:34:35,436
You’re correct, absolutely. So, you know, you can, and what you said before
476
00:34:35,436 –> 00:34:37,616
about what you don’t know can hurt you,
477
00:34:38,599 –> 00:34:45,379
And that point of letting somebody too close to you, being too nice to them, can hurt you.
478
00:34:45,799 –> 00:34:50,379
You know, you look at the bad guy that jumps out of the bushes.
479
00:34:50,479 –> 00:34:52,959
Well, that’s just kind of a bad situation.
480
00:34:53,099 –> 00:34:55,439
It’s very rare that something like that’s going to happen.
481
00:34:55,719 –> 00:35:01,839
But you can be walking, let’s just say walking on a trail, and somebody approaches you.
482
00:35:01,839 –> 00:35:05,399
And because you don’t want to be rude even though
483
00:35:05,399 –> 00:35:08,359
your your instincts are telling you something’s wrong and
484
00:35:08,359 –> 00:35:11,379
you don’t want to be rude you might have a conversation with them
485
00:35:11,379 –> 00:35:17,339
and they walk with you when in reality your your body’s telling you something’s
486
00:35:17,339 –> 00:35:22,419
wrong this person’s not right you should be getting out of there or telling
487
00:35:22,419 –> 00:35:27,339
them to go away yeah go pound sand pal yeah and you you don’t have to be nice
488
00:35:27,339 –> 00:35:30,799
about it and women you know we’re always taught to be nice.
489
00:35:31,859 –> 00:35:35,899
You don’t have to be nice when you’re feeling that way because ultimately we
490
00:35:35,899 –> 00:35:41,199
need to worry about ourselves and they don’t have the same kind of fear as a
491
00:35:41,199 –> 00:35:45,719
man you know when you look at a woman and them being afraid of what can happen
492
00:35:45,719 –> 00:35:47,559
to them they’re afraid they’re going to be raped or killed,
493
00:35:48,379 –> 00:35:53,859
it’s not the same for a man so a man needs to understand if they’re feeling
494
00:35:53,859 –> 00:35:58,959
uncomfortable and a woman tells you to go away you need to go away yeah and
495
00:35:58,959 –> 00:36:00,459
then the woman needs to be able to recognize,
496
00:36:00,619 –> 00:36:05,599
like I said, immediately that if they don’t, there’s something wrong you need to react,
497
00:36:05,819 –> 00:36:10,239
whether it be run or be prepared to fight, whatever it is.
498
00:36:10,399 –> 00:36:13,859
But you need to recognize their intentions immediately.
499
00:36:14,839 –> 00:36:20,399
And not ignore those instincts, that hair standing up on the back of the neck
500
00:36:20,399 –> 00:36:23,319
or the spidey tingling senses, whatever it may be.
501
00:36:23,879 –> 00:36:30,139
No, don’t ignore it. When you You look at, you know, convicted sex offenders
502
00:36:30,139 –> 00:36:36,879
and they they’ve talked about picking their victims and all that kind of stuff.
503
00:36:36,999 –> 00:36:42,079
And some of the things that they had said was the way they’re trying to pick
504
00:36:42,079 –> 00:36:47,639
their victims and by the vulnerability that they can see with them.
505
00:36:47,759 –> 00:36:55,319
You know, even Ted Bundy said he would rate the victim’s vulnerability by their facial expressions.
506
00:36:56,316 –> 00:37:00,616
So she watched and they watched. And believe it or not, you know,
507
00:37:00,636 –> 00:37:05,816
when they say that a woman is dressing provocatively and that she’s more apt
508
00:37:05,816 –> 00:37:08,156
to be raped, absolutely not true.
509
00:37:08,996 –> 00:37:14,776
So when you look back and you look at victims on rape, they’re looking for the
510
00:37:14,776 –> 00:37:15,936
more vulnerable person.
511
00:37:15,976 –> 00:37:20,396
And typically, the more vulnerable person is not going to be dressing more provocatively.
512
00:37:20,816 –> 00:37:23,936
Those people are usually more confident.
513
00:37:24,296 –> 00:37:28,256
Yeah. Because that’s They’re more confident to wear those kind of outfits.
514
00:37:28,356 –> 00:37:31,476
So, you know, again, it’s not on the victim what they’re doing.
515
00:37:32,476 –> 00:37:39,916
But that’s the whole concept that people tend to think is one way when it really isn’t.
516
00:37:40,116 –> 00:37:45,876
Because they’re looking for somebody who’s more insecure, somebody who is not
517
00:37:45,876 –> 00:37:48,836
as confident, not as likely to be able to fight back.
518
00:37:48,836 –> 00:37:54,296
Yeah, the predators have this scale kind of right that they use to determine,
519
00:37:54,416 –> 00:37:57,836
you know, how likely as a victim are you?
520
00:37:57,896 –> 00:38:00,316
Are you going to be a hard target or soft target?
521
00:38:00,656 –> 00:38:05,076
Hard target being someone you don’t want to mess with just by how they’re carrying
522
00:38:05,076 –> 00:38:08,096
themselves or the fact that they’re paying attention or maybe they’ve looked
523
00:38:08,096 –> 00:38:09,696
me in the eye and see that I’m,
524
00:38:09,696 –> 00:38:14,516
you know, watching them from a distance versus a soft target head down kind
525
00:38:14,516 –> 00:38:16,136
of turned into themselves,
526
00:38:16,236 –> 00:38:18,816
maybe on their smartphone, not looking at them.
527
00:38:18,836 –> 00:38:22,376
Up not paying attention those sorts of things absolutely yeah
528
00:38:22,376 –> 00:38:26,316
so the one convicted sex
529
00:38:26,316 –> 00:38:31,656
offender his name was brad morrison he had said if he had the the slightest
530
00:38:31,656 –> 00:38:36,556
inkling that a woman was someone he could handle then he would pass them by
531
00:38:36,556 –> 00:38:44,516
i mean that wasn’t somebody that he wanted to deal with and he raped over 75 women so,
532
00:38:45,376 –> 00:38:49,016
he was looking for somebody he thought he could control.
533
00:38:50,249 –> 00:38:55,829
Well, those situations are usually always about control, right?
534
00:38:55,949 –> 00:38:59,169
So you can’t control somebody that doesn’t look controllable.
535
00:38:59,289 –> 00:39:04,229
And that’s the first, kind of like meeting someone in the bar,
536
00:39:04,349 –> 00:39:06,709
if that’s where you’re likely to meet someone, right?
537
00:39:06,789 –> 00:39:09,909
You don’t look across the room and go, wow, they’re really smart and intelligent.
538
00:39:10,009 –> 00:39:13,049
You kind of size them up by physical
539
00:39:13,049 –> 00:39:16,929
appearance and how they carry themselves. And it’s the same thing.
540
00:39:17,629 –> 00:39:24,009
Yeah, it really is. And so, you know, certain things that you can do to reduce your risk.
541
00:39:24,389 –> 00:39:28,489
Again, going over like walking with confidence is key.
542
00:39:29,589 –> 00:39:33,889
Knowing your surroundings, paying attention to what’s around you.
543
00:39:34,769 –> 00:39:37,249
You know, don’t put yourself in a bad situation.
544
00:39:38,309 –> 00:39:41,529
Don’t make yourself an easy target.
545
00:39:42,709 –> 00:39:47,509
And just remembering that you don’t always have to be nice to people.
546
00:39:47,509 –> 00:39:49,289
And then you need to understand it.
547
00:39:49,949 –> 00:39:55,369
Absolutely. So I got a few questions here to wrap things up for us,
548
00:39:55,389 –> 00:39:57,029
put you on the spot maybe, hopefully not.
549
00:39:57,249 –> 00:40:00,749
What is your favorite go-to technique or technique?
550
00:40:00,869 –> 00:40:06,529
If you have three, so be it, but what’s your favorite to teach or that you think that’s most effective?
551
00:40:07,429 –> 00:40:10,809
Okay, so my favorite is an elbow strike.
552
00:40:11,369 –> 00:40:16,629
Yes. I love the elbow strike. I teach, especially with my little kids,
553
00:40:17,509 –> 00:40:21,509
I give them a special prize during our ragtag training at the police department
554
00:40:21,509 –> 00:40:24,349
if they can knock the helmet off one of the guys while they’re fighting him.
555
00:40:25,109 –> 00:40:26,769
It’s such a strong hit.
556
00:40:27,797 –> 00:40:32,337
Even for a little kid, and it hurts so bad when you get hit with it,
557
00:40:32,437 –> 00:40:34,757
I absolutely love the elbow strike.
558
00:40:34,837 –> 00:40:39,517
So if I can get them to remember that one, because you can do it forward or sideways or backwards.
559
00:40:40,277 –> 00:40:43,957
Another easy one for people is a hammer fist.
560
00:40:44,697 –> 00:40:50,777
I don’t teach a straight punch because a lot of people won’t hit the right way
561
00:40:50,777 –> 00:40:51,657
and they’re going to hurt themselves.
562
00:40:51,817 –> 00:40:52,697
They’re going to break their hand
563
00:40:52,697 –> 00:40:57,517
and they’re not going to be much use to themselves once they break their
564
00:40:57,597 –> 00:41:01,037
hands so if they make a fist and they’re
565
00:41:01,037 –> 00:41:04,137
able to use use their fists
566
00:41:04,137 –> 00:41:07,077
to hammer down you can hammer in the face you can
567
00:41:07,077 –> 00:41:11,817
use that again even if you’re on the ground you can still use a hammer fist
568
00:41:11,817 –> 00:41:17,297
so those are probably between that and then the knee strike those three are
569
00:41:17,297 –> 00:41:21,017
my top three favorite yeah i was gonna say if you like elbows you gotta like
570
00:41:21,017 –> 00:41:24,257
knees so now how do you how How do you,
571
00:41:24,257 –> 00:41:27,777
you know, because in fighting and self-defense,
572
00:41:27,997 –> 00:41:32,757
you know, knees and elbows are typically reserved for those close distances.
573
00:41:33,457 –> 00:41:37,717
You’ve got to be really close to the person for those to work super effectively.
574
00:41:38,637 –> 00:41:43,257
How do you deal with, you know, maybe not allowing, maybe not,
575
00:41:43,277 –> 00:41:45,437
of course, things have gotten bad if you’re that close.
576
00:41:45,517 –> 00:41:49,397
You know, you’re all up in my personal space at that point. What about distance?
577
00:41:50,177 –> 00:41:53,557
Well, if you can, obviously, you’re going to avoid distance.
578
00:41:54,697 –> 00:41:59,157
Distance is key about keeping your personal space away from somebody.
579
00:41:59,197 –> 00:42:03,057
Now, let’s go back to when I said intention assessment.
580
00:42:03,337 –> 00:42:07,937
So if you said someone told somebody to stay back and they’re coming towards
581
00:42:07,937 –> 00:42:10,817
you, are you going to back up? You should.
582
00:42:11,357 –> 00:42:15,217
Are you going to try to get out of there? You should. You’ve already told this
583
00:42:15,217 –> 00:42:19,237
person to stay back and they’re coming at you. you don’t need to let them get
584
00:42:19,237 –> 00:42:23,217
up on top of you if you can avoid it. But once they’re there, what are you going to do?
585
00:42:24,583 –> 00:42:29,603
Yeah. And I personally like my my face.
586
00:42:30,263 –> 00:42:34,203
That’s what the way we train. We like to have space around us because what’s
587
00:42:34,203 –> 00:42:35,923
going to hurt you? Yeah. Their hands.
588
00:42:36,463 –> 00:42:41,103
So if you can if you can stay back and give yourself some space,
589
00:42:41,243 –> 00:42:44,843
you know, and when one of the things where I said you tell them to stay back.
590
00:42:44,843 –> 00:42:47,923
And this is kind of an important point that I want to make.
591
00:42:48,423 –> 00:42:53,243
When women tell somebody no and they tell them to stay back,
592
00:42:53,483 –> 00:42:57,523
let’s just say they’re trying to help you or something and you get that creepy
593
00:42:57,523 –> 00:43:01,763
feeling from them and they’re not listening to you and they’re ignoring you.
594
00:43:01,983 –> 00:43:07,423
When you tell somebody no, I want you to wear off on them and I want you to
595
00:43:07,423 –> 00:43:09,743
tell them no like you mean it.
596
00:43:10,203 –> 00:43:16,363
It’s not going to be, oh, thank you. you know it is no get away from me i don’t
597
00:43:16,363 –> 00:43:19,383
care if you even have to swear at them that make them think that you’re a crazy
598
00:43:19,383 –> 00:43:23,743
woman whatever yeah that doesn’t matter but you need to tell them no,
599
00:43:24,563 –> 00:43:32,203
we’re off at them and let them know you mean it and that you’re not weak because
600
00:43:32,203 –> 00:43:35,963
at that point they’re they’re they’re coming at you and they’re invading the
601
00:43:35,963 –> 00:43:38,923
space yeah this is the time not to be nice.
602
00:43:38,983 –> 00:43:44,663
If you’re not going to be nice one time in your life, this is the time to not be nice. Be firm.
603
00:43:45,829 –> 00:43:49,869
So favorite technique, elbow, knees, and hammer fist.
604
00:43:50,429 –> 00:43:57,469
If you had to pick a tool for a woman to carry, and consideration of teens too,
605
00:43:57,649 –> 00:44:01,969
if you had to pick a tool, or is there a tool that you would recommend?
606
00:44:02,889 –> 00:44:07,869
Okay, so when I talk about weapons or having a tool of some sort,
607
00:44:08,149 –> 00:44:09,689
the main thing is training.
608
00:44:10,269 –> 00:44:12,549
No matter what you’re going to do, you’re going to have to train on.
609
00:44:12,549 –> 00:44:19,129
Whether it be pepper spray, a taser, or a gun, you have to train and know how to use it.
610
00:44:19,229 –> 00:44:24,949
So I kind of like the pepper spray because it’s a nasty, nasty beast.
611
00:44:25,469 –> 00:44:30,369
You know, you get hit with pepper spray in the eyes and it burns for about 45
612
00:44:30,369 –> 00:44:32,989
minutes. Now, it’s not going to work on everybody.
613
00:44:33,529 –> 00:44:38,889
There are some people out there that it doesn’t work on, but it does work pretty
614
00:44:38,889 –> 00:44:40,929
well. It’s easy to carry.
615
00:44:41,669 –> 00:44:45,269
Now, ladies, you got to have it in your hands, having it in the bottom of your
616
00:44:45,269 –> 00:44:49,689
purse with all the gum wrappers and everything stuck in it and not being able
617
00:44:49,689 –> 00:44:51,469
to get to it isn’t going to help.
618
00:44:51,929 –> 00:44:54,889
Right. No. Yeah. So it’s got to be in your hands.
619
00:44:55,549 –> 00:44:59,529
And again, you need to know how to use it and what kind. You know,
620
00:44:59,549 –> 00:45:00,949
there’s different kinds of pepper spray.
621
00:45:01,529 –> 00:45:06,609
You have a cone shape that kind of comes out in a spray mist,
622
00:45:06,769 –> 00:45:10,649
which is great for getting the bad guy, but it will also come back on you.
623
00:45:10,929 –> 00:45:15,209
You have stream, which is what we use in the police department.
624
00:45:15,329 –> 00:45:18,729
And you can stand farther away with a stream and hit somebody,
625
00:45:18,789 –> 00:45:20,429
but you have to be a little bit more accurate.
626
00:45:21,289 –> 00:45:26,609
I’ve never used it yet, but I know they have gel. And that seems to be like
627
00:45:26,609 –> 00:45:31,129
something that I would also recommend because it comes out quite well.
628
00:45:31,189 –> 00:45:32,849
And then there’s another kind of like foam.
629
00:45:33,489 –> 00:45:36,389
So you need to know what kind of pepper spray you’re buying.
630
00:45:37,149 –> 00:45:40,329
And like I said, buy two, take it
631
00:45:40,329 –> 00:45:43,489
outside maybe put a paper plate up on the tree
632
00:45:43,489 –> 00:45:46,589
you might want to check which way the wind’s going you
633
00:45:46,589 –> 00:45:49,529
make sure your neighbors aren’t having a barbecue and then
634
00:45:49,529 –> 00:45:54,669
see how far back you have to stand you know put a little smiley face on the
635
00:45:54,669 –> 00:45:59,589
plate and then aim for the brows we aim for the brows and let pepper spray run
636
00:45:59,589 –> 00:46:08,689
down into the eye that’s that’s a really convenient tool to carry When you look at phaser,
637
00:46:08,769 –> 00:46:11,489
which is an amazing tool,
638
00:46:11,589 –> 00:46:14,989
and all the officers know that we have to get phased.
639
00:46:15,289 –> 00:46:19,829
It was literally the longest five seconds of my life when I was getting phased.
640
00:46:21,009 –> 00:46:24,729
It is very, very painful. It’s a shocking experience.
641
00:46:26,069 –> 00:46:31,109
Yeah, it’s very shocking. So your muscles are contracting. I believe it’s like 19 times a second.
642
00:46:32,641 –> 00:46:35,041
It is extremely painful. Now, the thing about taser, though,
643
00:46:35,101 –> 00:46:39,621
is when it’s done, it’s done. Yeah. It’s the second it stops, it’s done.
644
00:46:40,221 –> 00:46:46,901
So I’ve been told that the civilian model of taser goes for 30 seconds. It’s like 20 seconds.
645
00:46:47,541 –> 00:46:51,201
It stops for a second to give the person a breath, and then it goes for another
646
00:46:51,201 –> 00:46:55,981
10, which is ungodly in my mind after being tased. I can’t even imagine.
647
00:46:56,481 –> 00:47:02,101
But the whole point between that is they want you to lay it down and run.
648
00:47:02,641 –> 00:47:07,041
And get away yeah get away so they’re giving you more time yes now i need to
649
00:47:07,041 –> 00:47:10,881
make something clear because a lot of people don’t realize this that a taser
650
00:47:10,881 –> 00:47:13,121
and a stun gun are two different things,
651
00:47:13,821 –> 00:47:18,601
in the movies or on tv they always have the stun gun and they walk up and they
652
00:47:18,601 –> 00:47:21,981
hit somebody in the arm with it and the person goes down on the ground they
653
00:47:21,981 –> 00:47:23,901
start jerking around like funky chickens.
654
00:47:25,281 –> 00:47:30,261
And it doesn’t work that way that’s not the way a stun gun works a stun gun
655
00:47:30,261 –> 00:47:33,561
is hurting you right Right in that one section that they got hit.
656
00:47:33,721 –> 00:47:35,061
And is it better than nothing?
657
00:47:35,541 –> 00:47:37,681
Yeah, absolutely. It’s better than having nothing.
658
00:47:38,341 –> 00:47:42,621
But a person can also overpower through that too. And they’re not going to jerk
659
00:47:42,621 –> 00:47:46,541
on the ground and roll around and, you know, have convulsions from it.
660
00:47:46,921 –> 00:47:50,841
The taser are the barbs that come out and stick into the muscle.
661
00:47:50,981 –> 00:47:55,961
And the way it works is it has to get in between the big muscle groups and make your muscles contract.
662
00:47:56,321 –> 00:47:58,501
So it’s a different entity.
663
00:47:58,921 –> 00:48:01,521
And I just want to make sure everybody realizes that.
664
00:48:02,021 –> 00:48:05,561
The difference between it. Because most people think when I say taser,
665
00:48:05,561 –> 00:48:08,141
it’s the thing that you just walk up and you touch them on the arm with it.
666
00:48:08,321 –> 00:48:12,801
Yeah. You’re talking more like the taser guns that have the cartridges that
667
00:48:12,801 –> 00:48:14,661
you, you know, they’re one-time use.
668
00:48:14,761 –> 00:48:19,501
You fire the cartridges, there’s little barbed darts that come out on basically
669
00:48:19,501 –> 00:48:24,441
wired cable that stick into the muscle tissue and then current flows through
670
00:48:24,441 –> 00:48:28,961
the wire into those barbed needles,
671
00:48:29,281 –> 00:48:31,861
pins, whatever, whatever to deliver the juice.
672
00:48:31,961 –> 00:48:37,661
But once that cartridge has been used, you don’t wind up those wires and reuse
673
00:48:37,661 –> 00:48:40,221
it again. The next time you have to replace those cartridges.
674
00:48:40,321 –> 00:48:42,641
And so that’s something to keep in mind when you’re practicing,
675
00:48:42,781 –> 00:48:45,361
if you’re going to try to practice aiming and shooting yours,
676
00:48:45,401 –> 00:48:49,641
is that be prepared to have spare cartridges for those too.
677
00:48:50,201 –> 00:48:56,181
Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, hopefully podcast was going to reach some folks.
678
00:48:56,261 –> 00:48:57,601
You’re doing your thing too.
679
00:48:58,521 –> 00:49:02,961
How do you get, Getting the message out there that you’re available in this
680
00:49:02,961 –> 00:49:06,981
program is good for women and teens and whatnot.
681
00:49:07,681 –> 00:49:11,541
Those that are unsure about whether or not they want to go through something
682
00:49:11,541 –> 00:49:15,461
like this, or they think they’re going to get scared, or it hits too close to
683
00:49:15,461 –> 00:49:19,101
home because maybe they’ve had a close call, or maybe they’ve been through something
684
00:49:19,101 –> 00:49:22,481
which we know has happened in a lot of instances.
685
00:49:22,481 –> 00:49:29,781
What would you say to the audience to get them to come, to learn, to see?
686
00:49:31,174 –> 00:49:34,634
To experience a program like yours? The way you got to look at it,
687
00:49:34,654 –> 00:49:42,134
the best way to one, avoid being a victim in the first place is just to be prepared all around.
688
00:49:42,794 –> 00:49:48,014
And I always kind of look at it this way from the time we’re little kids.
689
00:49:48,494 –> 00:49:52,914
And I hate to say the fire department beats us in anything because it’s on the
690
00:49:52,914 –> 00:49:56,414
top, but the fire department kicks our butt when it comes to this stuff.
691
00:49:56,494 –> 00:50:01,074
You learn how to stop, drop and roll. the first thing you do when you get in kindergarten.
692
00:50:01,354 –> 00:50:04,394
Now, if you’re on fire, what do you do? Stop, drop, and roll.
693
00:50:04,754 –> 00:50:09,974
They’ve got fire safety all in schools. You practice fire drills and all that stuff.
694
00:50:10,354 –> 00:50:14,814
But do you walk around being afraid you’re going to catch on fire? No.
695
00:50:15,434 –> 00:50:18,434
You’ve got to be prepared. So it’s the same thing.
696
00:50:18,794 –> 00:50:21,514
You know, I don’t want everybody walking around thinking that they’re going
697
00:50:21,514 –> 00:50:27,274
to be jumped or something bad’s going to happen to them, but you need to be prepared.
698
00:50:27,274 –> 00:50:30,454
And it’s and the more you’re prepared the less afraid
699
00:50:30,454 –> 00:50:35,814
you are yeah it’s not about paranoia it’s about simply being prepared and knowing
700
00:50:35,814 –> 00:50:42,794
what to do in in the unlikely event that something bad could happen or it can
701
00:50:42,794 –> 00:50:48,874
happen so how can people find out more how can people find you reach out
702
00:50:48,954 –> 00:50:52,294
to you okay so they can go
703
00:50:52,294 –> 00:50:55,314
to new you defense.com and like
704
00:50:55,314 –> 00:51:00,114
you said before it’s new with a letter u defense well listen Debbie this has
705
00:51:00,114 –> 00:51:04,234
been great i hope our audience gets a lot from this and takes away something
706
00:51:04,234 –> 00:51:07,894
if nothing else like we said before it’s making them think and hopefully making
707
00:51:07,894 –> 00:51:12,574
them think about coming to see you or somebody to learn maybe a little bit more
708
00:51:12,654 –> 00:51:17,454
than they thought they already knew or anything new that could help them out.
709
00:51:17,734 –> 00:51:21,054
And we appreciate you joining us today for sure.
710
00:51:21,514 –> 00:51:27,454
Thank you. And I’m so glad to be here and have an opportunity to hopefully reach
711
00:51:27,454 –> 00:51:31,494
some listeners and give them some good tips on how to keep themselves safe.
712
00:51:32,394 –> 00:51:36,994
Absolutely. We appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule and thanks
713
00:51:36,994 –> 00:51:38,574
for all of our listeners too.
714
00:51:38,694 –> 00:51:40,634
Absolutely. Thanks so much.
715
00:51:41,614 –> 00:51:45,894
I wanted to take a minute here and thank our listeners. If this is your first
716
00:51:45,894 –> 00:51:50,374
time listening into the Self-Initiative Project podcast, thank you for coming and listening.
717
00:51:50,514 –> 00:51:54,254
We hope you’ll go back and get caught up to where we are now with Episode 5.
718
00:51:54,674 –> 00:51:58,274
If you’ve been with us from the beginning, we really appreciate you listening in.
719
00:51:58,654 –> 00:52:02,554
And if you’re getting useful information for this and think that this is good
720
00:52:02,554 –> 00:52:06,834
information to get out there, we would love it if you’d share us and tell your
721
00:52:06,834 –> 00:52:10,154
friends and family about us so they can maybe get some information too.
722
00:52:10,634 –> 00:52:15,654
But in either case, we wanted to thank you for listening in and following us
723
00:52:15,654 –> 00:52:18,114
and keep listening because we’ve got some exciting stuff coming.
724
00:52:18,480 –> 00:52:39,750
Music.
NOTE: As of July 3, 2024, it has been noticed that New U Defense may no longer exist. However, the content in this podcast is still worth a listen if you have an interest in hearing about self-defense for women.
Related Content
Listen to other OwnGuard Solutions podcasts
Listen to our other podcasts centered around being safer and better prepared.