100:00:00,000 –> 00:00:11,280Music.200:00:11,381 –> 00:00:15,541Hello and welcome to another episode of the Self-Initiative Project Podcast.300:00:16,001 –> 00:00:22,321I’m your host, Jim O’Brien. This episode, we’ll be talking to Kathy Loomis of Cyber Savvy.400:00:22,541 –> 00:00:27,001Cyber Savvy’s mission is to provide parents with the tools and resources necessary500:00:27,001 –> 00:00:31,161to effectively and safely guide their children through the digital landscape.600:00:31,461 –> 00:00:36,821We continue now with Kathy and pick up where we left off for part two of two.700:00:37,041 –> 00:00:40,661Great. So is there anything else a parent Parents should know before giving800:00:40,661 –> 00:00:41,661their child a smartphone.900:00:42,981 –> 00:00:48,901One of the questions that I get a lot in our seminars are which phone should1000:00:48,901 –> 00:00:51,101I give an iPhone or an Android?1100:00:51,501 –> 00:00:54,521And I’m curious myself to hear the answer.1200:00:56,241 –> 00:00:59,141I recommend the iPhone.1300:00:59,141 –> 00:01:04,621And the reason why I recommend the iPhone is that I think that Apple has done1400:01:04,621 –> 00:01:12,661a good job of inherently giving us tools to control,1500:01:12,901 –> 00:01:17,561be better parental controls of our kids’ stuff.1600:01:17,741 –> 00:01:21,041So they’ve given us more restrictions as parents.1700:01:21,241 –> 00:01:27,781We can lock down phones a little bit better. The Android can do everything that the iPhone can do.1800:01:27,781 –> 00:01:31,621It’s just that the iPhone has1900:01:31,621 –> 00:01:35,821it in a more organic way you don’t have to download a bunch of apps to get to2000:01:35,821 –> 00:01:41,201the same place yeah well you know I think in general in the in the geek tech2100:01:41,201 –> 00:01:45,941community you know iPhones and Apple products in general are known for being2200:01:45,941 –> 00:01:49,641so user friendly having a high degree of usability right.2300:01:50,568 –> 00:01:55,728So, certainly can support that and understand why that would be the choice.2400:01:55,808 –> 00:01:59,388On the flip side, the Android is usually preferred for those that want more2500:01:59,388 –> 00:02:04,528control and more specific details, access, you know, but it’s not necessarily2600:02:04,528 –> 00:02:07,788as easy or straightforward as it can be on the iPhone.2700:02:07,908 –> 00:02:12,948At least that’s the general consensus I pick up from the field. Right, right.2800:02:13,068 –> 00:02:19,488I’m going to give you an example of an iPhone tool that just comes basic and standard.2900:02:19,648 –> 00:02:24,348So iPhone has something called family sharing.3000:02:24,728 –> 00:02:30,708And what that does is you can set up your children under your account.3100:02:30,708 –> 00:02:37,408And then anytime that they want to download an app, they have what’s called an ask to buy.3200:02:37,988 –> 00:02:43,368And so your child would go to the app store, figure out what they want,3300:02:43,468 –> 00:02:45,768and then go to purchase the app.3400:02:45,908 –> 00:02:50,968Well, what Apple does is it will send that notification immediately to the parent.3500:02:51,328 –> 00:02:55,188And then at that point, the parent can do their research and whether or not3600:02:55,188 –> 00:02:58,928they want the child to have the app. And then at that point, approve the purchase.3700:02:59,368 –> 00:03:04,328That’s great. Right. So if if, you know, you ideally want your child to have3800:03:04,328 –> 00:03:08,488an iPhone and you set all that stuff and, you know, look over everything ahead3900:03:08,488 –> 00:03:11,648of time, you know, preferably you’re taking it out of the box before Christmas4000:03:11,648 –> 00:03:13,188morning and setting it all up,4100:03:13,248 –> 00:03:16,108putting it back in the box, wrapping it up and giving it to your child.4200:03:16,308 –> 00:03:20,628Does that mean that the parents, too, also should have or need to have an iPhone4300:03:20,628 –> 00:03:23,608to have an overview of their children’s iPhone?4400:03:23,888 –> 00:03:28,648Or is that just specific to the device that you’re giving to the kid?4500:03:28,648 –> 00:03:34,248I think it’s helpful if the parents know their way around an iPhone.4600:03:35,589 –> 00:03:40,189As part of my workshops, I do walk them through all the safety features and4700:03:40,189 –> 00:03:42,309the abilities, what they can do with it.4800:03:42,829 –> 00:03:48,789I think that’s very helpful because that’s one of the barriers for parents that4900:03:48,789 –> 00:03:52,549they don’t feel like they know the technology and how it can be used or what5000:03:52,549 –> 00:03:54,609they can do with it. So they don’t talk about it.5100:03:55,109 –> 00:04:00,309So that’s that’s a critical component of all the seminars that I do is I show5200:04:00,309 –> 00:04:03,129them how they can do it. But it’s not necessary.5300:04:03,409 –> 00:04:08,749I think that if a parent has an Android and they give their child an iPhone.5400:04:09,789 –> 00:04:14,489There are things that you won’t be able to use, like family sharing,5500:04:14,669 –> 00:04:19,169because the originator has to have an iPhone.5600:04:19,369 –> 00:04:25,429But things can still be done in a workaround way using third-party apps. Sure.5700:04:25,609 –> 00:04:29,909So what else as a parent should I know before giving my kid a smartphone or5800:04:29,909 –> 00:04:32,549their first mobile device to go off into the world with?5900:04:32,549 –> 00:04:40,929Well, I would suggest that they just be engaged, have a conversation.6000:04:41,189 –> 00:04:46,529I always recommend to parents to use technology usage contracts.6100:04:46,889 –> 00:04:53,369And it pretty much just covers every scenario that they can imagine might happen6200:04:53,369 –> 00:04:54,689with their child. child?6300:04:54,789 –> 00:04:58,069Like what happens if they feel like they’re cyber bullied?6400:04:58,289 –> 00:05:04,869You talk about that point and the whole essential component of having that contract6500:05:04,869 –> 00:05:07,869and having that discussion with your child is to,6600:05:08,629 –> 00:05:17,689really engage them in conversation and to let them know what your expectations are of them.6700:05:17,829 –> 00:05:22,409And I think a lot of times as parents, we assume that our kids know what our6800:05:22,409 –> 00:05:24,229expectations are, even though we haven’t,6900:05:24,966 –> 00:05:29,706conveyed those so our kids aren’t mind readers we have to tell them exactly7000:05:29,706 –> 00:05:34,086what we’re expecting of them and how we expect them to act and if we’re not7100:05:34,086 –> 00:05:37,006doing that then they have no boundaries.7200:05:37,766 –> 00:05:42,226Because they haven’t been told what they can do and what they can’t do so with7300:05:42,226 –> 00:05:47,146the contract it just opened up those lines of communication with their child7400:05:47,146 –> 00:05:55,766and an important component of the contract that I use is that if a child has a misstep,7500:05:55,826 –> 00:05:59,846and we all know that they will, and some of those are going to be epic,7600:06:00,066 –> 00:06:09,906but when the child has a misstep, that if they come to the parent proactively,7700:06:10,106 –> 00:06:14,906so they’ve made a mistake and they come to the parent and they let them know7800:06:14,906 –> 00:06:19,826what the mistake is, that the parent will not take away this phone.7900:06:20,086 –> 00:06:28,886So one out of every 10 children who have an online issue will go to a parent8000:06:28,886 –> 00:06:34,146because they fear that the parents are going to take their phone away.8100:06:34,266 –> 00:06:41,726And it truly is for this generation, it is their lifeline to their social network.8200:06:42,186 –> 00:06:47,166So if they have no phone, they have no social life and they don’t want that to happen.8300:06:47,226 –> 00:06:52,266So they would rather hide something bad than to talk to their parents about8400:06:52,266 –> 00:06:53,866it because they don’t want to lose that connection.8500:06:54,326 –> 00:06:58,946So as a parent, we have to convey to our kids, if they come to us proactively,8600:06:59,166 –> 00:07:04,366then we won’t take away the phone and we will solve this issue together.8700:07:05,186 –> 00:07:07,926Yeah, I think that’s a great point. You know, as you were talking,8800:07:08,046 –> 00:07:10,806and this might be silly, but I kind of feel like,8900:07:11,586 –> 00:07:16,526the moment that you feel like your children are ready, your child is ready for9000:07:16,526 –> 00:07:19,946a smart device, whatever it be, tablet, mobile phone, whatever,9100:07:20,126 –> 00:07:21,986most of the time it’s the mobile phone.9200:07:23,238 –> 00:07:26,198I feel like it’s a teaching opportunity in and of itself.9300:07:26,298 –> 00:07:31,258It’s kind of like when you decide to get your child a pet or introduce a new cat or dog in the house.9400:07:31,338 –> 00:07:36,078It’s an opportunity, not just a teaching moment, but a moment of responsibility, right?9500:07:36,178 –> 00:07:40,038When you bring this animal, you bring this pet into the house,9600:07:40,098 –> 00:07:45,798now you’re responsible for feeding it and watering it and cleaning it and looking after it, right?9700:07:46,038 –> 00:07:49,398You know, with, I think, the Spider-Man quote, right?9800:07:49,458 –> 00:07:55,538With great power comes great responsibility. And I don’t think it’s any different from a smart device.9900:07:55,778 –> 00:07:59,978Would you would you agree or am I absolutely agree? I say that all the time.10000:08:00,078 –> 00:08:06,118So you need to when you hand over that device, you need to talk to your kids about it.10100:08:06,198 –> 00:08:10,758You need to let them know what a huge responsibility it is.10200:08:11,218 –> 00:08:15,198And if they’re willing to accept the device, that means that they’re willing10300:08:15,198 –> 00:08:19,038to accept that responsibility. Absolutely. Absolutely.10400:08:46,458 –> 00:08:52,798Stuff in this class let’s let’s talk about this one okay i’m excited the lies10500:08:52,798 –> 00:08:57,318that the parents can tell themselves my my child is too young for that that’s10600:08:57,318 –> 00:09:01,798the one like my child will never do something like that that’s the one that10700:09:01,798 –> 00:09:04,418gets me all the time because when you,10800:09:05,837 –> 00:09:12,157give a child an iPad, an iPhone, any type of smart device.10900:09:12,737 –> 00:09:16,277They are explorers. They’re little explorers. They want to go everywhere.11000:09:16,497 –> 00:09:17,417They want to do everything.11100:09:17,757 –> 00:09:21,477They will click on everything that will take them to inappropriate places.11200:09:21,977 –> 00:09:26,637So just when you think your child’s not going to do it, just know that they will.11300:09:27,377 –> 00:09:30,237So that’s probably the biggest lie.11400:09:30,777 –> 00:09:34,177And in that, I have a story about sexting because11500:09:34,177 –> 00:09:37,837I did a presentation to a group of fourth11600:09:37,837 –> 00:09:40,717and fifth graders and I thought long11700:09:40,717 –> 00:09:43,797and hard to bring up sexting yeah11800:09:43,797 –> 00:09:47,777and sexting is basically when kids send11900:09:47,777 –> 00:09:54,537nude photos half nude photos to each other yeah and to your first point you’d12000:09:54,537 –> 00:09:57,937think you wouldn’t have to have that conversation with fourth and fifth graders12100:09:57,937 –> 00:10:04,177but right right because we just we don’t want to think of our kids doing that,12200:10:04,277 –> 00:10:06,077especially at that age. It’s so young.12300:10:06,597 –> 00:10:13,217But after I gave this presentation, I opted in because I felt like the kids12400:10:13,217 –> 00:10:17,977need to know because they might be approached by somebody, especially a predator,12500:10:18,177 –> 00:10:19,417who’s going to ask them for this.12600:10:19,497 –> 00:10:22,397And how are we going to, how are they, how should they deal with it?12700:10:22,477 –> 00:10:27,157So I’d rather talk about it than not talk about it. So after this presentation,12800:10:27,497 –> 00:10:35,197I just let the kids know that, you know, when you send nude photos to each other, it’s a federal offense.12900:10:35,497 –> 00:10:39,877It’s now you’re under pornography laws.13000:10:40,197 –> 00:10:44,057So when that happens, you know, the feds get involved.13100:10:44,317 –> 00:10:50,417So I think I scared one child so badly. And she came up to me afterwards and13200:10:50,417 –> 00:10:59,197she let me know that the older brother of a friend of hers asked her to send a nude photo.13300:11:00,917 –> 00:11:05,097And tears welled up in her eyes. I could tell she was scared to death.13400:11:05,517 –> 00:11:10,317And I just let her know that it’s not her fault. Yes.13500:11:11,302 –> 00:11:15,942That the inappropriate request came from the friend’s brother.13600:11:16,122 –> 00:11:17,862He should have never asked that of her.13700:11:18,302 –> 00:11:25,642So he’s the one at fault. And so we had to talk about it, but it it was very emotional.13800:11:26,042 –> 00:11:32,622You could tell that she was tormented by it. And, you know, who knows how long it went on.13900:11:32,862 –> 00:11:39,362But so the point of the story is it’s never to your it’s never an inappropriate time.14000:11:39,362 –> 00:11:42,522Your kids are never too young to have these conversations14100:11:42,522 –> 00:11:45,442because if once you give them14200:11:45,442 –> 00:11:48,402a device then it opens up that whole world to14300:11:48,402 –> 00:11:51,282all of these things that can happen it’s a lot of doors14400:11:51,282 –> 00:11:54,722windows gateways and everything else that’s been open simultaneously14500:11:54,722 –> 00:11:57,522that you as the parent have to monitor and shut14600:11:57,522 –> 00:12:00,922down in a lot of cases and as the parent you’ve14700:12:00,922 –> 00:12:03,922got to be on top of those windows and doors and gateways14800:12:03,922 –> 00:12:08,282absolutely absolutely so how14900:12:08,282 –> 00:12:11,082do you how do you as a parent how do you help15000:12:11,082 –> 00:12:16,642your kids navigate those bullying and sexting waters what do you what do you15100:12:16,642 –> 00:12:20,482do what do you do with all that what do you say how do you bring up sexting15200:12:20,482 –> 00:12:25,702with your own children i know it’s so embarrassing and they i’m not gonna i’m15300:12:25,702 –> 00:12:29,222not gonna lie to you and tell you that these conversations are easy because15400:12:29,222 –> 00:12:30,222they’re not. They’re awkward.15500:12:30,582 –> 00:12:34,602Nobody wants to have these conversations, but we have to have these conversations.15600:12:34,882 –> 00:12:39,702We are the adults, so we have to teach our parents, our kids in the way that we want them to go.15700:12:40,202 –> 00:12:46,542So it’s essential that we as parents talk and conversations are the biggest part of it.15800:12:46,622 –> 00:12:52,002So you want to have those cyber safety conversations, not just once.15900:12:52,602 –> 00:13:00,482It’s an ongoing conversation. And use as many opportunities as you can to initiate conversations.16000:13:00,542 –> 00:13:04,682For example, if there is a story on the news.16100:13:06,126 –> 00:13:10,066Bring your child down, have them listen to it and then talk about it.16200:13:10,106 –> 00:13:14,886If there’s a movie that comes on like there are 13 reasons why it was a big16300:13:14,886 –> 00:13:20,546Netflix movie and it talked about teen suicide essentially was the topic.16400:13:20,866 –> 00:13:24,966But all the teens wanted to watch it. Everyone said it was inappropriate.16500:13:25,266 –> 00:13:30,666But those are those are things that we can hook on to and initiate conversations16600:13:30,666 –> 00:13:32,726so that we can talk to our kids.16700:13:33,446 –> 00:13:36,966And, you know, just be patient, be honest with them.16800:13:37,006 –> 00:13:43,066You’re not going to know everything, but together you’ll find the information and work together.16900:13:43,606 –> 00:13:47,126And every time that you work together to handle a situation,17000:13:47,286 –> 00:13:49,966it strengthens the bonds between you and your child.17100:13:50,106 –> 00:13:54,366So you should do it often. Yeah. And perhaps just by initiating those conversations17200:13:54,366 –> 00:14:00,266and that interaction on that level, it encourages the child to take the initiative17300:14:00,266 –> 00:14:03,646and do the same in kind back to the parent, too, as well.17400:14:04,106 –> 00:14:09,186Right. Right. And then to that point, I think it’s important that we convey17500:14:09,186 –> 00:14:12,346to our kids that we expect them to make mistakes.17600:14:13,246 –> 00:14:15,526Everyone’s going to make mistakes. Even adults make mistakes.17700:14:16,286 –> 00:14:20,886Huge mistakes. It’s one of the drawbacks to being human, right? Right. Exactly.17800:14:21,386 –> 00:14:27,626But with every mistake that our kids or we make, it’s an opportunity for growth.17900:14:27,926 –> 00:14:31,426So we learn something from every mistake that we make.18000:14:31,506 –> 00:14:36,046So just let them know that we’re we anticipate them making mistakes,18100:14:36,226 –> 00:14:40,006but we want them to come to us and we’ll work through them together.18200:14:41,802 –> 00:14:45,902So what else would you, what, what key takeaway? I mean, you know,18300:14:45,922 –> 00:14:50,242we obviously want to have folks interested in your courses, classes,18400:14:50,322 –> 00:14:55,122and your services, but what for the cyber savvy parent, what is your number18500:14:55,122 –> 00:14:56,442one takeaway? Do you think?18600:14:57,182 –> 00:15:00,882I would say you want to be very engaged.18700:15:01,082 –> 00:15:05,742You want to continue the conversations just on a very tactical level.18800:15:05,822 –> 00:15:10,022You want to make sure that you’re limiting screen time for your kids.18900:15:10,442 –> 00:15:13,762So eight and a half hours instead of nine would be a good start.19000:15:14,162 –> 00:15:21,942Right. No, not so much. So just, you know, for kids who are under the age of 13,19100:15:22,242 –> 00:15:25,982they should have, or I said over19200:15:25,982 –> 00:15:30,062the age of 13, they should limit their screen time to two hours a day.19300:15:30,062 –> 00:15:36,282So there’s a study that was conducted that that kids who limit their screen19400:15:36,282 –> 00:15:45,782time to two hours a day are happier and more self-confident and just more engaged in life,19500:15:45,922 –> 00:15:48,882obviously, because they’re not being distracted by their phones.19600:15:48,882 –> 00:15:51,342And that truly is what happens with our kids.19700:15:52,042 –> 00:15:57,042They use all their time on their phones as a distraction for something else.19800:15:57,162 –> 00:16:02,342So if they feel uncomfortable in a social situation, you will see them immediately19900:16:02,342 –> 00:16:04,662pick up their phone and pretend like they’re texting somebody.20000:16:05,222 –> 00:16:11,462But it helps them engage. But under the age of five, they should have no more20100:16:11,462 –> 00:16:13,082than one hour a day. Sure.20200:16:13,422 –> 00:16:16,122Limit that distraction. interaction you20300:16:16,122 –> 00:16:19,042know for us in the community that we20400:16:19,042 –> 00:16:22,082operate in the personal safety and20500:16:22,082 –> 00:16:25,562self-defense all those sorts of things you know it’s20600:16:25,562 –> 00:16:28,822it’s also got a place there too as far as limiting20700:16:28,822 –> 00:16:35,122your time and still allowing and emphasizing the importance of being situationally20800:16:35,122 –> 00:16:39,902aware and i think we were talking about previously there’s been an uptick in20900:16:39,902 –> 00:16:46,562children being hit by cars and crosswalks because Because they’re so engaged and so engrossed,21000:16:46,562 –> 00:16:48,062I guess would be a better word,21100:16:48,202 –> 00:16:52,762with their smart devices that they’re not even paying attention to crossing21200:16:52,762 –> 00:16:54,342the road to get to the other side.21300:16:54,542 –> 00:17:00,542And I think it’s equally as important to talk about those aspects and the downsides21400:17:00,542 –> 00:17:03,962of smartphones and whatever from that angle as well, right?21500:17:04,342 –> 00:17:10,122Absolutely. So each day in the United States, approximately nine people are21600:17:10,122 –> 00:17:16,502killed from distracted driving or walking and more than a thousand are injured.21700:17:17,325 –> 00:17:22,145And that’s insane to me just for not paying attention because you’re so caught21800:17:22,145 –> 00:17:24,545up in this little screen that’s in front of your face.21900:17:25,065 –> 00:17:30,605Exactly. And that’s every day. A thousand people every day are being injured.22000:17:30,825 –> 00:17:36,425So that’s a key point that I make, especially when I’m talking to parents and22100:17:36,425 –> 00:17:42,685students, is that we need to learn to put our phones down when we’re walking.22200:17:42,765 –> 00:17:46,145Because it’s funny. I mean, we’ve all watched those YouTube videos of people22300:17:46,145 –> 00:17:50,205walking into doors, walking into a fountain, you know, things like that.22400:17:50,305 –> 00:17:54,825And you get a good giggle from it until you see the person actually walking22500:17:54,825 –> 00:18:00,325through a crosswalk and getting pummeled by somebody texting and driving.22600:18:00,565 –> 00:18:04,805Or they walk into the crosswalk and they’re texting and driving and they’re22700:18:04,805 –> 00:18:09,645not they’re just not aware of their surroundings and what’s going on.22800:18:09,645 –> 00:18:13,385We need to put our phones down, get to point A, from point A to point B,22900:18:13,505 –> 00:18:16,085and then you can distract yourself again.23000:18:16,285 –> 00:18:19,805Yeah, and not to make light of that, but you just hit on something that made23100:18:19,805 –> 00:18:21,105me think, you know, texting and23200:18:21,105 –> 00:18:25,465walking is almost or can almost be as dangerous as texting and driving.23300:18:25,585 –> 00:18:28,085It really can, especially for our tweens and teens.23400:18:29,105 –> 00:18:34,645Absolutely. Absolutely. And I don’t think that they realize how dangerous it is.23500:18:34,925 –> 00:18:37,705They all have messed up. They, you know, they trip up the stairs.23600:18:37,705 –> 00:18:41,565They trip down the stairs and then they you know they’re like oh stupid me they23700:18:41,565 –> 00:18:45,745walk into a glass door oh stupid me but then they keep moving on they don’t23800:18:45,745 –> 00:18:50,245realize it’s because they’re so focused on their phone that they can’t think23900:18:50,245 –> 00:18:53,925of anything else so there was a study about multitasking and,24000:18:54,505 –> 00:19:02,005people’s biological ability to to multitask is a farce people cannot multitask24100:19:02,005 –> 00:19:04,705they can’t literally do two things at once.24200:19:04,825 –> 00:19:08,605So when they think that they can text and drive, they’re fooling themselves24300:19:08,605 –> 00:19:12,165and they’re, they’re fooling themselves in a very dangerous way.24400:19:12,565 –> 00:19:14,865Yeah, potentially. So absolutely.24500:19:15,745 –> 00:19:23,585But the iPhone actually has a new service under the do not disturb tab that24600:19:23,585 –> 00:19:28,365for all drivers, if you’re driving, you can turn on,24700:19:29,226 –> 00:19:33,646do not disturb while driving. And so it will, if you receive a text,24800:19:33,706 –> 00:19:37,786it will send an automatic text out saying I’m driving right now.24900:19:38,426 –> 00:19:42,746I’ll, I’ll get with you when I get, when I get to a stopping point.25000:19:42,786 –> 00:19:44,446Yeah. And that’s a good point actually.25100:19:44,586 –> 00:19:49,166And, and just to hype Android for just a minute, cause I’m an Android fan myself.25200:19:49,306 –> 00:19:52,866I think Android has a similar program, if not native,25300:19:53,366 –> 00:19:57,626it’s an app you can get, but yeah, you can set it up where when you’re in the25400:19:57,626 –> 00:20:01,866car, you turn it on And then any messages you’re receiving during that time25500:20:01,866 –> 00:20:04,566automatically get a response saying, hey, I’m driving.25600:20:04,626 –> 00:20:08,526I’ll get back with you as soon as I get to where I’m going or whatever it says25700:20:08,526 –> 00:20:09,886or whatever you want it to say.25800:20:10,306 –> 00:20:13,066Right. There are a lot of great apps out there.25900:20:13,326 –> 00:20:20,726Cell control is one for drivers, and it will just basically block all notifications from coming in.26000:20:20,806 –> 00:20:25,046If you’re in the driver’s side, you can hand it over to the passenger and the26100:20:25,046 –> 00:20:29,326passenger can do whatever they want. But the driver will not be able to do anything26200:20:29,326 –> 00:20:32,986on their mobile device, which is great, especially for new drivers.26300:20:33,806 –> 00:20:38,266Absolutely. And then they have, there are a lot of things like hum is out there.26400:20:38,346 –> 00:20:42,006So you can, it will, it does essentially the same thing.26500:20:42,566 –> 00:20:46,566So shifting gears backwards here for just a minute, I want to talk more about26600:20:46,566 –> 00:20:51,586cyberbullying and what to look for there and how parents can help their child26700:20:51,586 –> 00:20:56,866that might be on the receiving end of some of that not so fun stuff. deal with that?26800:20:57,046 –> 00:21:04,046What are the recommended ways of dealing with that or doing away with it, I should say?26900:21:04,346 –> 00:21:13,406Right. So there was a study conducted about as kids get phones earlier and earlier,27000:21:13,626 –> 00:21:15,946they become meaner and meaner.27100:21:16,166 –> 00:21:21,686So there was a whole article that I read about how mean these fourth graders27200:21:21,686 –> 00:21:26,566are to each other and it’s because when kids can do things.27300:21:27,777 –> 00:21:36,497Behind a screen, then they do things that are just so much, I feel like they27400:21:36,497 –> 00:21:37,917call it keyboard courage.27500:21:38,117 –> 00:21:43,417I call it keyboard cowardice because they’ll do things that they would never27600:21:43,417 –> 00:21:45,997do to a person face to face.27700:21:46,577 –> 00:21:52,437So, and you know, the, the sad thing about when you have a mobile device as27800:21:52,437 –> 00:21:57,157a, child, then the bullying is nonstop.27900:21:57,357 –> 00:22:01,977It doesn’t stop at school. You don’t go home for the school day and then you28000:22:01,977 –> 00:22:05,417have at least a couple of hours of respite.28100:22:05,477 –> 00:22:10,977It goes on. It’s continuous and they can get to our kids through terrible texts,28200:22:11,097 –> 00:22:16,277through social media posts, and just exclusionary ways.28300:22:16,697 –> 00:22:25,257So what I typically say to kids and parents is that if you get an inappropriate.28400:22:26,477 –> 00:22:31,117Correspondence, whether it be a text or if it’s a post, then you want to screenshot28500:22:31,117 –> 00:22:32,837it because you want to keep the proof.28600:22:33,037 –> 00:22:39,557A lot of times kids will automatically delete it and then there’s not really any proof.28700:22:39,797 –> 00:22:44,597So when the parents go to talk to another parent or go to talk to the school28800:22:44,597 –> 00:22:50,097administration, then there’s not really any proof and, and they need to keep that.28900:22:50,177 –> 00:22:54,517So I say screenshot everything and then, and then take it from there.29000:22:55,197 –> 00:22:58,117A lot of times people will say, ignore the bully.29100:22:59,077 –> 00:23:03,757That helps. So it depends on what type of bullying it is.29200:23:04,297 –> 00:23:08,097Okay. What do you mean? Like, is there, what, what kind of type of bullying29300:23:08,097 –> 00:23:12,257would I not opt to ignore if I had the option? Yeah.29400:23:13,266 –> 00:23:18,366So I don’t know if you heard the story. There were two 12-year-old girls who29500:23:18,366 –> 00:23:26,886bullied another 12-year-old in Florida to the point where the victim felt so29600:23:26,886 –> 00:23:28,566harassed that she committed suicide.29700:23:29,126 –> 00:23:32,186Yeah, I know there’s been a few cases like that. Right.29800:23:32,366 –> 00:23:40,346So and what the bulliers did is they just incessantly told her that she was29900:23:40,346 –> 00:23:42,686ugly, that she should go kill herself.30000:23:42,806 –> 00:23:49,406And they did it over and over and over to the point that the victim did actually kill herself.30100:23:49,606 –> 00:23:53,866And it happens over and over. I mean, we hear more stories of that kind that30200:23:53,866 –> 00:23:56,226we want to hear. It’s devastating.30300:23:56,866 –> 00:24:02,126So those are things that you don’t ever want to ignore. When somebody says that30400:24:02,126 –> 00:24:06,066to you, then you need to screenshot it and you need to go to a trusted adult.30500:24:06,226 –> 00:24:11,226If it’s not your parent, then go to a favorite aunt, a neighbor, a favorite teacher.30600:24:11,406 –> 00:24:16,226But you need to have those conversations because the weight that that bears30700:24:16,226 –> 00:24:18,486on a victim is just so heavy.30800:24:18,486 –> 00:24:24,666And we talked a little bit about teenagers brain that they’re just not biologically.30900:24:25,406 –> 00:24:28,406Equipped to handle attacks like that31000:24:28,406 –> 00:24:33,806over and over and over so those are the things that you wouldn’t anything that’s31100:24:33,806 –> 00:24:38,926a physical threat anything that’s incessant anything that says go kill yourself31200:24:38,926 –> 00:24:43,766those are are types of threats that should never be ignored those are the big31300:24:43,766 –> 00:24:45,506red flags that you need to act upon.31400:24:45,846 –> 00:24:50,506Right. And if it’s, and if it’s nonstop, if it’s just, if it’s continuing,31500:24:50,706 –> 00:24:53,126if it continues, if it’s a one-time comment.31600:24:54,246 –> 00:25:01,406Sometimes you can chalk that up to kid just being dumb and sending that out.31700:25:01,466 –> 00:25:09,206But if it, that what, where it crosses the line, if it’s continuous and incessant. Sure.31800:25:10,026 –> 00:25:14,646You know, I think it’s important, it would seem to me, I think, because, you know.31900:25:15,651 –> 00:25:20,931Not to be pessimistic or anything, but I think it’s safe to say that bullying is not going to go away.32000:25:21,051 –> 00:25:24,571I know I experienced when I was growing up, I admit, I own it.32100:25:24,591 –> 00:25:27,831There was a few times I got punched in the boys’ bathroom, you know,32200:25:27,831 –> 00:25:32,971going through, you know, middle school and what have you. And I think bullying32300:25:32,971 –> 00:25:34,311is always going to be there.32400:25:34,371 –> 00:25:37,551And I think part of that conversation that parents need to have with their children32500:25:37,551 –> 00:25:42,911is the fact that they acknowledge the fact that it goes on and that it could be a part.32600:25:43,131 –> 00:25:45,871Maybe their child’s not willing to talk to them about it yet,32700:25:45,911 –> 00:25:49,151but they know that it’s going on. And to let them know, hey, it’s okay.32800:25:49,371 –> 00:25:54,211It happens. You shouldn’t pay it a lot of attention, right? And kind of talk32900:25:54,211 –> 00:25:56,411to them about the fact that it’s the other person.33000:25:57,051 –> 00:25:59,611It’s something wrong with the other person doing the bullying,33100:25:59,711 –> 00:26:02,191not necessarily them. So maybe33200:26:02,191 –> 00:26:08,111they, maybe that helps them not internalize it so much. Right. Right.33300:26:08,691 –> 00:26:18,491So that’s such a great point is that bullies are typically acting from insecurities.33400:26:18,551 –> 00:26:24,991So if they can bring somebody down, it makes them rise a little bit.33500:26:25,011 –> 00:26:28,791Yeah. So. So they think. Exactly. Exactly.33600:26:29,431 –> 00:26:32,731And bullying happens at different levels.33700:26:32,811 –> 00:26:39,151So as a guy, we don’t hear so much about boys being cyberbullied.33800:26:39,291 –> 00:26:40,911It happens. It definitely happens.33900:26:41,111 –> 00:26:48,291But typically, girls are a little tougher in this area, and their techniques34000:26:48,291 –> 00:26:52,791are a little bit different. They don’t usually involve physical violence.34100:26:52,991 –> 00:26:57,551So sometimes adults are a little bit slower to respond or take it seriously.34200:26:58,031 –> 00:27:03,691So if your child, as a parent, if your child comes to you and talks about being34300:27:03,691 –> 00:27:06,251bullied, don’t blow it off.34400:27:06,451 –> 00:27:12,591You need to take that conversation seriously because when a child comes to you,34500:27:12,771 –> 00:27:18,631that means it’s gotten a little out of control. That’s pretty serious at that point. Right. Right.34600:27:19,450 –> 00:27:23,650So shifting gears again here real quick, this one has me really curious,34700:27:23,910 –> 00:27:29,430at least the latter half, setting expectations and consequences with your kids.34800:27:29,550 –> 00:27:31,110What’s that all about? What do I do?34900:27:31,590 –> 00:27:35,490So we talked about the technology usage contract.35000:27:35,850 –> 00:27:44,390So definitely have a contract sounds so legal and boring, but it’s they’re really35100:27:44,390 –> 00:27:47,010just talking points is what the contract is.35200:27:47,010 –> 00:27:52,670And so that you’ve talked about all these specific things with your child and you’ve agreed to them.35300:27:52,890 –> 00:27:58,550So the beginning point is the contract. You have those conversations and then35400:27:58,550 –> 00:28:04,930you as the parent should have your children help you with those consequences.35500:28:04,970 –> 00:28:08,270And you’ll be amazed at what they come up with.35600:28:08,410 –> 00:28:12,010They are much tougher than anything that you would have come up with.35700:28:12,010 –> 00:28:18,250But the nice thing about having them included in the consequences part of it35800:28:18,250 –> 00:28:23,410is that they’ll have more buy-in because they’re creating the consequence for themselves. Sure.35900:28:23,710 –> 00:28:28,210And the thing about consequences, so I can’t tell you exactly what consequence36000:28:28,210 –> 00:28:32,910because that’s going to be a family by family situational issue.36100:28:33,836 –> 00:28:40,776Conversation and what they come up with. But what I would say to the parents36200:28:40,776 –> 00:28:45,876is that once you decide what those consequences are, you want to make sure that36300:28:45,876 –> 00:28:48,456you as the parent can enforce them.36400:28:48,756 –> 00:28:55,256A lot of times, you know, the kids will say, well, I’ll lose my cell phone for two weeks.36500:28:55,836 –> 00:28:59,616And you know that you’re going to go on a trip or they’re going to go on a trip36600:28:59,616 –> 00:29:02,156and you’re going to of want them to have their phone with them.36700:29:02,496 –> 00:29:05,616Well, that’s going to be unenforceable. So you kind of want to think through36800:29:05,616 –> 00:29:09,196those consequences and make sure that you can follow through on them.36900:29:09,836 –> 00:29:14,496So that’s one thing. The second thing is to make sure that you consistently37000:29:14,496 –> 00:29:19,476enforce any consequences that you have come up with.37100:29:19,896 –> 00:29:23,836So if you’re not enforcing them, then they’re pretty much useless.37200:29:24,156 –> 00:29:27,296Useless. Yeah, I think that’s key is actually follow through and do what you37300:29:27,296 –> 00:29:29,796say and not just the threat of the consequence, right?37400:29:29,876 –> 00:29:33,716Sometimes parents, I think, get a little confused with friendship versus parenting,37500:29:33,896 –> 00:29:39,156and the parenting side says you need to follow through and enforce those consequences.37600:29:40,256 –> 00:29:45,296Right. So that’s probably one of the biggest things. Sure. Yep. Understood.37700:29:46,016 –> 00:29:50,836So out of all this stuff we’ve talked about today, and we’ve talked about an37800:29:50,836 –> 00:29:56,996awful lot, What’s the biggest takeaway for parents in dealing with smartphones,37900:29:57,336 –> 00:30:00,556smart devices, mobile devices in general with their children?38000:30:01,316 –> 00:30:08,356I would say communicate. I think that that’s probably your your biggest key38100:30:08,356 –> 00:30:11,096for success is just open those lines of communication.38200:30:11,536 –> 00:30:15,416Keep them consistent. Talk to them often.38300:30:17,036 –> 00:30:20,796Cyber cyber safety conversations are not one time conversations.38400:30:20,796 –> 00:30:22,456They just have to be continuous.38500:30:24,114 –> 00:30:28,134Talk to your kids about what to look for, especially, you know,38600:30:28,134 –> 00:30:32,634things that are a lot of times we’ll talk to our kids about stranger danger.38700:30:32,794 –> 00:30:36,394Oh, you know, that person looks scary, so I’ll avoid them.38800:30:36,454 –> 00:30:39,994But online, they never really know what that person looks like.38900:30:40,054 –> 00:30:48,734And so when they meet somebody online, then the picture that is there may not be the real person.39000:30:48,814 –> 00:30:52,194So it has to go past that. So you need to talk to them about,39100:30:52,314 –> 00:30:54,634you know, what are inappropriate questions?39200:30:54,874 –> 00:30:57,554What should I share? What should I not share?39300:30:57,894 –> 00:31:02,034Things that they should never share are, you know, personal information. What’s your address?39400:31:02,554 –> 00:31:08,554How old are you? That’s an inappropriate question if it’s followed up with,39500:31:08,614 –> 00:31:10,694you know, other types of things.39600:31:10,874 –> 00:31:16,114So you just want to have those kind of conversations with our kids and don’t39700:31:16,114 –> 00:31:20,234expect them to know it because they don’t know it. Well, Kathy,39800:31:20,374 –> 00:31:25,174this has been a great talk, and I hope our audience gets a lot out of it. I know I have.39900:31:25,434 –> 00:31:29,854And, yeah, it’s been great having you on today, and we want to thank you.40000:31:30,314 –> 00:31:34,314For those of you listening, be sure to check out CyberSavvy.com.40100:31:35,394 –> 00:31:38,634There’s a lot of good information out there, and it also gives you an opportunity40200:31:38,634 –> 00:31:44,674to look over the classes and services that Kathy’s company, CyberSavvy, offers you.40300:31:44,714 –> 00:31:48,494So be sure and check that out. and Kathy, we want to thank you once again for40400:31:48,494 –> 00:31:51,034joining us today. Thanks so much. Thanks for having me, Jim.40500:31:51,440 –> 00:32:14,840Music.