Navigating the Digital World: A Parent’s Guide with Cyber Savvy, Part 2

Younger crowd aghast at what they may be looking at on a smartphonePin


Season 1: Episode 2, Part 2

We dive into part two of our conversation with Kathy Loomis from Cyber Savvy in this continuation of our chat. Cyber Savvy is dedicated to equipping parents with the necessary tools and resources to guide their children safely through the digital landscape.

Kathy provides valuable insights on various topics, including the best choice of smartphones for children, the importance of parental controls, and the necessity of having ongoing conversations about cyber safety. She explains why iPhones might be a better option for parents due to their user-friendly features and built-in parental controls.

The episode also covers critical aspects such as setting expectations and consequences, addressing cyberbullying, and ensuring children understand the importance of responsible technology use. Kathy emphasizes the significance of communication between parents and children and the use of technology usage contracts to establish clear guidelines and expectations.

Don’t miss this informative discussion that highlights the importance of being engaged and proactive in your child’s digital life.

Listen to: Navigating the Digital World: A Parent’s Guide with Cyber Savvy, Part 1.

NOTE: As of June 7, 2024, it has been noticed that Cyber Savvy may no longer exist. However, the content in this 2-part podcast is still worth a listen if you have children who you have allowed to have smartphones or access to other Internet-connected devices.


View podcast transcript

100:00:00,000 –> 00:00:11,280Music.200:00:11,381 –> 00:00:15,541Hello and welcome to another episode of the Self-Initiative Project Podcast.300:00:16,001 –> 00:00:22,321I’m your host, Jim O’Brien. This episode, we’ll be talking to Kathy Loomis of Cyber Savvy.400:00:22,541 –> 00:00:27,001Cyber Savvy’s mission is to provide parents with the tools and resources necessary500:00:27,001 –> 00:00:31,161to effectively and safely guide their children through the digital landscape.600:00:31,461 –> 00:00:36,821We continue now with Kathy and pick up where we left off for part two of two.700:00:37,041 –> 00:00:40,661Great. So is there anything else a parent Parents should know before giving800:00:40,661 –> 00:00:41,661their child a smartphone.900:00:42,981 –> 00:00:48,901One of the questions that I get a lot in our seminars are which phone should1000:00:48,901 –> 00:00:51,101I give an iPhone or an Android?1100:00:51,501 –> 00:00:54,521And I’m curious myself to hear the answer.1200:00:56,241 –> 00:00:59,141I recommend the iPhone.1300:00:59,141 –> 00:01:04,621And the reason why I recommend the iPhone is that I think that Apple has done1400:01:04,621 –> 00:01:12,661a good job of inherently giving us tools to control,1500:01:12,901 –> 00:01:17,561be better parental controls of our kids’ stuff.1600:01:17,741 –> 00:01:21,041So they’ve given us more restrictions as parents.1700:01:21,241 –> 00:01:27,781We can lock down phones a little bit better. The Android can do everything that the iPhone can do.1800:01:27,781 –> 00:01:31,621It’s just that the iPhone has1900:01:31,621 –> 00:01:35,821it in a more organic way you don’t have to download a bunch of apps to get to2000:01:35,821 –> 00:01:41,201the same place yeah well you know I think in general in the in the geek tech2100:01:41,201 –> 00:01:45,941community you know iPhones and Apple products in general are known for being2200:01:45,941 –> 00:01:49,641so user friendly having a high degree of usability right.2300:01:50,568 –> 00:01:55,728So, certainly can support that and understand why that would be the choice.2400:01:55,808 –> 00:01:59,388On the flip side, the Android is usually preferred for those that want more2500:01:59,388 –> 00:02:04,528control and more specific details, access, you know, but it’s not necessarily2600:02:04,528 –> 00:02:07,788as easy or straightforward as it can be on the iPhone.2700:02:07,908 –> 00:02:12,948At least that’s the general consensus I pick up from the field. Right, right.2800:02:13,068 –> 00:02:19,488I’m going to give you an example of an iPhone tool that just comes basic and standard.2900:02:19,648 –> 00:02:24,348So iPhone has something called family sharing.3000:02:24,728 –> 00:02:30,708And what that does is you can set up your children under your account.3100:02:30,708 –> 00:02:37,408And then anytime that they want to download an app, they have what’s called an ask to buy.3200:02:37,988 –> 00:02:43,368And so your child would go to the app store, figure out what they want,3300:02:43,468 –> 00:02:45,768and then go to purchase the app.3400:02:45,908 –> 00:02:50,968Well, what Apple does is it will send that notification immediately to the parent.3500:02:51,328 –> 00:02:55,188And then at that point, the parent can do their research and whether or not3600:02:55,188 –> 00:02:58,928they want the child to have the app. And then at that point, approve the purchase.3700:02:59,368 –> 00:03:04,328That’s great. Right. So if if, you know, you ideally want your child to have3800:03:04,328 –> 00:03:08,488an iPhone and you set all that stuff and, you know, look over everything ahead3900:03:08,488 –> 00:03:11,648of time, you know, preferably you’re taking it out of the box before Christmas4000:03:11,648 –> 00:03:13,188morning and setting it all up,4100:03:13,248 –> 00:03:16,108putting it back in the box, wrapping it up and giving it to your child.4200:03:16,308 –> 00:03:20,628Does that mean that the parents, too, also should have or need to have an iPhone4300:03:20,628 –> 00:03:23,608to have an overview of their children’s iPhone?4400:03:23,888 –> 00:03:28,648Or is that just specific to the device that you’re giving to the kid?4500:03:28,648 –> 00:03:34,248I think it’s helpful if the parents know their way around an iPhone.4600:03:35,589 –> 00:03:40,189As part of my workshops, I do walk them through all the safety features and4700:03:40,189 –> 00:03:42,309the abilities, what they can do with it.4800:03:42,829 –> 00:03:48,789I think that’s very helpful because that’s one of the barriers for parents that4900:03:48,789 –> 00:03:52,549they don’t feel like they know the technology and how it can be used or what5000:03:52,549 –> 00:03:54,609they can do with it. So they don’t talk about it.5100:03:55,109 –> 00:04:00,309So that’s that’s a critical component of all the seminars that I do is I show5200:04:00,309 –> 00:04:03,129them how they can do it. But it’s not necessary.5300:04:03,409 –> 00:04:08,749I think that if a parent has an Android and they give their child an iPhone.5400:04:09,789 –> 00:04:14,489There are things that you won’t be able to use, like family sharing,5500:04:14,669 –> 00:04:19,169because the originator has to have an iPhone.5600:04:19,369 –> 00:04:25,429But things can still be done in a workaround way using third-party apps. Sure.5700:04:25,609 –> 00:04:29,909So what else as a parent should I know before giving my kid a smartphone or5800:04:29,909 –> 00:04:32,549their first mobile device to go off into the world with?5900:04:32,549 –> 00:04:40,929Well, I would suggest that they just be engaged, have a conversation.6000:04:41,189 –> 00:04:46,529I always recommend to parents to use technology usage contracts.6100:04:46,889 –> 00:04:53,369And it pretty much just covers every scenario that they can imagine might happen6200:04:53,369 –> 00:04:54,689with their child. child?6300:04:54,789 –> 00:04:58,069Like what happens if they feel like they’re cyber bullied?6400:04:58,289 –> 00:05:04,869You talk about that point and the whole essential component of having that contract6500:05:04,869 –> 00:05:07,869and having that discussion with your child is to,6600:05:08,629 –> 00:05:17,689really engage them in conversation and to let them know what your expectations are of them.6700:05:17,829 –> 00:05:22,409And I think a lot of times as parents, we assume that our kids know what our6800:05:22,409 –> 00:05:24,229expectations are, even though we haven’t,6900:05:24,966 –> 00:05:29,706conveyed those so our kids aren’t mind readers we have to tell them exactly7000:05:29,706 –> 00:05:34,086what we’re expecting of them and how we expect them to act and if we’re not7100:05:34,086 –> 00:05:37,006doing that then they have no boundaries.7200:05:37,766 –> 00:05:42,226Because they haven’t been told what they can do and what they can’t do so with7300:05:42,226 –> 00:05:47,146the contract it just opened up those lines of communication with their child7400:05:47,146 –> 00:05:55,766and an important component of the contract that I use is that if a child has a misstep,7500:05:55,826 –> 00:05:59,846and we all know that they will, and some of those are going to be epic,7600:06:00,066 –> 00:06:09,906but when the child has a misstep, that if they come to the parent proactively,7700:06:10,106 –> 00:06:14,906so they’ve made a mistake and they come to the parent and they let them know7800:06:14,906 –> 00:06:19,826what the mistake is, that the parent will not take away this phone.7900:06:20,086 –> 00:06:28,886So one out of every 10 children who have an online issue will go to a parent8000:06:28,886 –> 00:06:34,146because they fear that the parents are going to take their phone away.8100:06:34,266 –> 00:06:41,726And it truly is for this generation, it is their lifeline to their social network.8200:06:42,186 –> 00:06:47,166So if they have no phone, they have no social life and they don’t want that to happen.8300:06:47,226 –> 00:06:52,266So they would rather hide something bad than to talk to their parents about8400:06:52,266 –> 00:06:53,866it because they don’t want to lose that connection.8500:06:54,326 –> 00:06:58,946So as a parent, we have to convey to our kids, if they come to us proactively,8600:06:59,166 –> 00:07:04,366then we won’t take away the phone and we will solve this issue together.8700:07:05,186 –> 00:07:07,926Yeah, I think that’s a great point. You know, as you were talking,8800:07:08,046 –> 00:07:10,806and this might be silly, but I kind of feel like,8900:07:11,586 –> 00:07:16,526the moment that you feel like your children are ready, your child is ready for9000:07:16,526 –> 00:07:19,946a smart device, whatever it be, tablet, mobile phone, whatever,9100:07:20,126 –> 00:07:21,986most of the time it’s the mobile phone.9200:07:23,238 –> 00:07:26,198I feel like it’s a teaching opportunity in and of itself.9300:07:26,298 –> 00:07:31,258It’s kind of like when you decide to get your child a pet or introduce a new cat or dog in the house.9400:07:31,338 –> 00:07:36,078It’s an opportunity, not just a teaching moment, but a moment of responsibility, right?9500:07:36,178 –> 00:07:40,038When you bring this animal, you bring this pet into the house,9600:07:40,098 –> 00:07:45,798now you’re responsible for feeding it and watering it and cleaning it and looking after it, right?9700:07:46,038 –> 00:07:49,398You know, with, I think, the Spider-Man quote, right?9800:07:49,458 –> 00:07:55,538With great power comes great responsibility. And I don’t think it’s any different from a smart device.9900:07:55,778 –> 00:07:59,978Would you would you agree or am I absolutely agree? I say that all the time.10000:08:00,078 –> 00:08:06,118So you need to when you hand over that device, you need to talk to your kids about it.10100:08:06,198 –> 00:08:10,758You need to let them know what a huge responsibility it is.10200:08:11,218 –> 00:08:15,198And if they’re willing to accept the device, that means that they’re willing10300:08:15,198 –> 00:08:19,038to accept that responsibility. Absolutely. Absolutely.10400:08:46,458 –> 00:08:52,798Stuff in this class let’s let’s talk about this one okay i’m excited the lies10500:08:52,798 –> 00:08:57,318that the parents can tell themselves my my child is too young for that that’s10600:08:57,318 –> 00:09:01,798the one like my child will never do something like that that’s the one that10700:09:01,798 –> 00:09:04,418gets me all the time because when you,10800:09:05,837 –> 00:09:12,157give a child an iPad, an iPhone, any type of smart device.10900:09:12,737 –> 00:09:16,277They are explorers. They’re little explorers. They want to go everywhere.11000:09:16,497 –> 00:09:17,417They want to do everything.11100:09:17,757 –> 00:09:21,477They will click on everything that will take them to inappropriate places.11200:09:21,977 –> 00:09:26,637So just when you think your child’s not going to do it, just know that they will.11300:09:27,377 –> 00:09:30,237So that’s probably the biggest lie.11400:09:30,777 –> 00:09:34,177And in that, I have a story about sexting because11500:09:34,177 –> 00:09:37,837I did a presentation to a group of fourth11600:09:37,837 –> 00:09:40,717and fifth graders and I thought long11700:09:40,717 –> 00:09:43,797and hard to bring up sexting yeah11800:09:43,797 –> 00:09:47,777and sexting is basically when kids send11900:09:47,777 –> 00:09:54,537nude photos half nude photos to each other yeah and to your first point you’d12000:09:54,537 –> 00:09:57,937think you wouldn’t have to have that conversation with fourth and fifth graders12100:09:57,937 –> 00:10:04,177but right right because we just we don’t want to think of our kids doing that,12200:10:04,277 –> 00:10:06,077especially at that age. It’s so young.12300:10:06,597 –> 00:10:13,217But after I gave this presentation, I opted in because I felt like the kids12400:10:13,217 –> 00:10:17,977need to know because they might be approached by somebody, especially a predator,12500:10:18,177 –> 00:10:19,417who’s going to ask them for this.12600:10:19,497 –> 00:10:22,397And how are we going to, how are they, how should they deal with it?12700:10:22,477 –> 00:10:27,157So I’d rather talk about it than not talk about it. So after this presentation,12800:10:27,497 –> 00:10:35,197I just let the kids know that, you know, when you send nude photos to each other, it’s a federal offense.12900:10:35,497 –> 00:10:39,877It’s now you’re under pornography laws.13000:10:40,197 –> 00:10:44,057So when that happens, you know, the feds get involved.13100:10:44,317 –> 00:10:50,417So I think I scared one child so badly. And she came up to me afterwards and13200:10:50,417 –> 00:10:59,197she let me know that the older brother of a friend of hers asked her to send a nude photo.13300:11:00,917 –> 00:11:05,097And tears welled up in her eyes. I could tell she was scared to death.13400:11:05,517 –> 00:11:10,317And I just let her know that it’s not her fault. Yes.13500:11:11,302 –> 00:11:15,942That the inappropriate request came from the friend’s brother.13600:11:16,122 –> 00:11:17,862He should have never asked that of her.13700:11:18,302 –> 00:11:25,642So he’s the one at fault. And so we had to talk about it, but it it was very emotional.13800:11:26,042 –> 00:11:32,622You could tell that she was tormented by it. And, you know, who knows how long it went on.13900:11:32,862 –> 00:11:39,362But so the point of the story is it’s never to your it’s never an inappropriate time.14000:11:39,362 –> 00:11:42,522Your kids are never too young to have these conversations14100:11:42,522 –> 00:11:45,442because if once you give them14200:11:45,442 –> 00:11:48,402a device then it opens up that whole world to14300:11:48,402 –> 00:11:51,282all of these things that can happen it’s a lot of doors14400:11:51,282 –> 00:11:54,722windows gateways and everything else that’s been open simultaneously14500:11:54,722 –> 00:11:57,522that you as the parent have to monitor and shut14600:11:57,522 –> 00:12:00,922down in a lot of cases and as the parent you’ve14700:12:00,922 –> 00:12:03,922got to be on top of those windows and doors and gateways14800:12:03,922 –> 00:12:08,282absolutely absolutely so how14900:12:08,282 –> 00:12:11,082do you how do you as a parent how do you help15000:12:11,082 –> 00:12:16,642your kids navigate those bullying and sexting waters what do you what do you15100:12:16,642 –> 00:12:20,482do what do you do with all that what do you say how do you bring up sexting15200:12:20,482 –> 00:12:25,702with your own children i know it’s so embarrassing and they i’m not gonna i’m15300:12:25,702 –> 00:12:29,222not gonna lie to you and tell you that these conversations are easy because15400:12:29,222 –> 00:12:30,222they’re not. They’re awkward.15500:12:30,582 –> 00:12:34,602Nobody wants to have these conversations, but we have to have these conversations.15600:12:34,882 –> 00:12:39,702We are the adults, so we have to teach our parents, our kids in the way that we want them to go.15700:12:40,202 –> 00:12:46,542So it’s essential that we as parents talk and conversations are the biggest part of it.15800:12:46,622 –> 00:12:52,002So you want to have those cyber safety conversations, not just once.15900:12:52,602 –> 00:13:00,482It’s an ongoing conversation. And use as many opportunities as you can to initiate conversations.16000:13:00,542 –> 00:13:04,682For example, if there is a story on the news.16100:13:06,126 –> 00:13:10,066Bring your child down, have them listen to it and then talk about it.16200:13:10,106 –> 00:13:14,886If there’s a movie that comes on like there are 13 reasons why it was a big16300:13:14,886 –> 00:13:20,546Netflix movie and it talked about teen suicide essentially was the topic.16400:13:20,866 –> 00:13:24,966But all the teens wanted to watch it. Everyone said it was inappropriate.16500:13:25,266 –> 00:13:30,666But those are those are things that we can hook on to and initiate conversations16600:13:30,666 –> 00:13:32,726so that we can talk to our kids.16700:13:33,446 –> 00:13:36,966And, you know, just be patient, be honest with them.16800:13:37,006 –> 00:13:43,066You’re not going to know everything, but together you’ll find the information and work together.16900:13:43,606 –> 00:13:47,126And every time that you work together to handle a situation,17000:13:47,286 –> 00:13:49,966it strengthens the bonds between you and your child.17100:13:50,106 –> 00:13:54,366So you should do it often. Yeah. And perhaps just by initiating those conversations17200:13:54,366 –> 00:14:00,266and that interaction on that level, it encourages the child to take the initiative17300:14:00,266 –> 00:14:03,646and do the same in kind back to the parent, too, as well.17400:14:04,106 –> 00:14:09,186Right. Right. And then to that point, I think it’s important that we convey17500:14:09,186 –> 00:14:12,346to our kids that we expect them to make mistakes.17600:14:13,246 –> 00:14:15,526Everyone’s going to make mistakes. Even adults make mistakes.17700:14:16,286 –> 00:14:20,886Huge mistakes. It’s one of the drawbacks to being human, right? Right. Exactly.17800:14:21,386 –> 00:14:27,626But with every mistake that our kids or we make, it’s an opportunity for growth.17900:14:27,926 –> 00:14:31,426So we learn something from every mistake that we make.18000:14:31,506 –> 00:14:36,046So just let them know that we’re we anticipate them making mistakes,18100:14:36,226 –> 00:14:40,006but we want them to come to us and we’ll work through them together.18200:14:41,802 –> 00:14:45,902So what else would you, what, what key takeaway? I mean, you know,18300:14:45,922 –> 00:14:50,242we obviously want to have folks interested in your courses, classes,18400:14:50,322 –> 00:14:55,122and your services, but what for the cyber savvy parent, what is your number18500:14:55,122 –> 00:14:56,442one takeaway? Do you think?18600:14:57,182 –> 00:15:00,882I would say you want to be very engaged.18700:15:01,082 –> 00:15:05,742You want to continue the conversations just on a very tactical level.18800:15:05,822 –> 00:15:10,022You want to make sure that you’re limiting screen time for your kids.18900:15:10,442 –> 00:15:13,762So eight and a half hours instead of nine would be a good start.19000:15:14,162 –> 00:15:21,942Right. No, not so much. So just, you know, for kids who are under the age of 13,19100:15:22,242 –> 00:15:25,982they should have, or I said over19200:15:25,982 –> 00:15:30,062the age of 13, they should limit their screen time to two hours a day.19300:15:30,062 –> 00:15:36,282So there’s a study that was conducted that that kids who limit their screen19400:15:36,282 –> 00:15:45,782time to two hours a day are happier and more self-confident and just more engaged in life,19500:15:45,922 –> 00:15:48,882obviously, because they’re not being distracted by their phones.19600:15:48,882 –> 00:15:51,342And that truly is what happens with our kids.19700:15:52,042 –> 00:15:57,042They use all their time on their phones as a distraction for something else.19800:15:57,162 –> 00:16:02,342So if they feel uncomfortable in a social situation, you will see them immediately19900:16:02,342 –> 00:16:04,662pick up their phone and pretend like they’re texting somebody.20000:16:05,222 –> 00:16:11,462But it helps them engage. But under the age of five, they should have no more20100:16:11,462 –> 00:16:13,082than one hour a day. Sure.20200:16:13,422 –> 00:16:16,122Limit that distraction. interaction you20300:16:16,122 –> 00:16:19,042know for us in the community that we20400:16:19,042 –> 00:16:22,082operate in the personal safety and20500:16:22,082 –> 00:16:25,562self-defense all those sorts of things you know it’s20600:16:25,562 –> 00:16:28,822it’s also got a place there too as far as limiting20700:16:28,822 –> 00:16:35,122your time and still allowing and emphasizing the importance of being situationally20800:16:35,122 –> 00:16:39,902aware and i think we were talking about previously there’s been an uptick in20900:16:39,902 –> 00:16:46,562children being hit by cars and crosswalks because Because they’re so engaged and so engrossed,21000:16:46,562 –> 00:16:48,062I guess would be a better word,21100:16:48,202 –> 00:16:52,762with their smart devices that they’re not even paying attention to crossing21200:16:52,762 –> 00:16:54,342the road to get to the other side.21300:16:54,542 –> 00:17:00,542And I think it’s equally as important to talk about those aspects and the downsides21400:17:00,542 –> 00:17:03,962of smartphones and whatever from that angle as well, right?21500:17:04,342 –> 00:17:10,122Absolutely. So each day in the United States, approximately nine people are21600:17:10,122 –> 00:17:16,502killed from distracted driving or walking and more than a thousand are injured.21700:17:17,325 –> 00:17:22,145And that’s insane to me just for not paying attention because you’re so caught21800:17:22,145 –> 00:17:24,545up in this little screen that’s in front of your face.21900:17:25,065 –> 00:17:30,605Exactly. And that’s every day. A thousand people every day are being injured.22000:17:30,825 –> 00:17:36,425So that’s a key point that I make, especially when I’m talking to parents and22100:17:36,425 –> 00:17:42,685students, is that we need to learn to put our phones down when we’re walking.22200:17:42,765 –> 00:17:46,145Because it’s funny. I mean, we’ve all watched those YouTube videos of people22300:17:46,145 –> 00:17:50,205walking into doors, walking into a fountain, you know, things like that.22400:17:50,305 –> 00:17:54,825And you get a good giggle from it until you see the person actually walking22500:17:54,825 –> 00:18:00,325through a crosswalk and getting pummeled by somebody texting and driving.22600:18:00,565 –> 00:18:04,805Or they walk into the crosswalk and they’re texting and driving and they’re22700:18:04,805 –> 00:18:09,645not they’re just not aware of their surroundings and what’s going on.22800:18:09,645 –> 00:18:13,385We need to put our phones down, get to point A, from point A to point B,22900:18:13,505 –> 00:18:16,085and then you can distract yourself again.23000:18:16,285 –> 00:18:19,805Yeah, and not to make light of that, but you just hit on something that made23100:18:19,805 –> 00:18:21,105me think, you know, texting and23200:18:21,105 –> 00:18:25,465walking is almost or can almost be as dangerous as texting and driving.23300:18:25,585 –> 00:18:28,085It really can, especially for our tweens and teens.23400:18:29,105 –> 00:18:34,645Absolutely. Absolutely. And I don’t think that they realize how dangerous it is.23500:18:34,925 –> 00:18:37,705They all have messed up. They, you know, they trip up the stairs.23600:18:37,705 –> 00:18:41,565They trip down the stairs and then they you know they’re like oh stupid me they23700:18:41,565 –> 00:18:45,745walk into a glass door oh stupid me but then they keep moving on they don’t23800:18:45,745 –> 00:18:50,245realize it’s because they’re so focused on their phone that they can’t think23900:18:50,245 –> 00:18:53,925of anything else so there was a study about multitasking and,24000:18:54,505 –> 00:19:02,005people’s biological ability to to multitask is a farce people cannot multitask24100:19:02,005 –> 00:19:04,705they can’t literally do two things at once.24200:19:04,825 –> 00:19:08,605So when they think that they can text and drive, they’re fooling themselves24300:19:08,605 –> 00:19:12,165and they’re, they’re fooling themselves in a very dangerous way.24400:19:12,565 –> 00:19:14,865Yeah, potentially. So absolutely.24500:19:15,745 –> 00:19:23,585But the iPhone actually has a new service under the do not disturb tab that24600:19:23,585 –> 00:19:28,365for all drivers, if you’re driving, you can turn on,24700:19:29,226 –> 00:19:33,646do not disturb while driving. And so it will, if you receive a text,24800:19:33,706 –> 00:19:37,786it will send an automatic text out saying I’m driving right now.24900:19:38,426 –> 00:19:42,746I’ll, I’ll get with you when I get, when I get to a stopping point.25000:19:42,786 –> 00:19:44,446Yeah. And that’s a good point actually.25100:19:44,586 –> 00:19:49,166And, and just to hype Android for just a minute, cause I’m an Android fan myself.25200:19:49,306 –> 00:19:52,866I think Android has a similar program, if not native,25300:19:53,366 –> 00:19:57,626it’s an app you can get, but yeah, you can set it up where when you’re in the25400:19:57,626 –> 00:20:01,866car, you turn it on And then any messages you’re receiving during that time25500:20:01,866 –> 00:20:04,566automatically get a response saying, hey, I’m driving.25600:20:04,626 –> 00:20:08,526I’ll get back with you as soon as I get to where I’m going or whatever it says25700:20:08,526 –> 00:20:09,886or whatever you want it to say.25800:20:10,306 –> 00:20:13,066Right. There are a lot of great apps out there.25900:20:13,326 –> 00:20:20,726Cell control is one for drivers, and it will just basically block all notifications from coming in.26000:20:20,806 –> 00:20:25,046If you’re in the driver’s side, you can hand it over to the passenger and the26100:20:25,046 –> 00:20:29,326passenger can do whatever they want. But the driver will not be able to do anything26200:20:29,326 –> 00:20:32,986on their mobile device, which is great, especially for new drivers.26300:20:33,806 –> 00:20:38,266Absolutely. And then they have, there are a lot of things like hum is out there.26400:20:38,346 –> 00:20:42,006So you can, it will, it does essentially the same thing.26500:20:42,566 –> 00:20:46,566So shifting gears backwards here for just a minute, I want to talk more about26600:20:46,566 –> 00:20:51,586cyberbullying and what to look for there and how parents can help their child26700:20:51,586 –> 00:20:56,866that might be on the receiving end of some of that not so fun stuff. deal with that?26800:20:57,046 –> 00:21:04,046What are the recommended ways of dealing with that or doing away with it, I should say?26900:21:04,346 –> 00:21:13,406Right. So there was a study conducted about as kids get phones earlier and earlier,27000:21:13,626 –> 00:21:15,946they become meaner and meaner.27100:21:16,166 –> 00:21:21,686So there was a whole article that I read about how mean these fourth graders27200:21:21,686 –> 00:21:26,566are to each other and it’s because when kids can do things.27300:21:27,777 –> 00:21:36,497Behind a screen, then they do things that are just so much, I feel like they27400:21:36,497 –> 00:21:37,917call it keyboard courage.27500:21:38,117 –> 00:21:43,417I call it keyboard cowardice because they’ll do things that they would never27600:21:43,417 –> 00:21:45,997do to a person face to face.27700:21:46,577 –> 00:21:52,437So, and you know, the, the sad thing about when you have a mobile device as27800:21:52,437 –> 00:21:57,157a, child, then the bullying is nonstop.27900:21:57,357 –> 00:22:01,977It doesn’t stop at school. You don’t go home for the school day and then you28000:22:01,977 –> 00:22:05,417have at least a couple of hours of respite.28100:22:05,477 –> 00:22:10,977It goes on. It’s continuous and they can get to our kids through terrible texts,28200:22:11,097 –> 00:22:16,277through social media posts, and just exclusionary ways.28300:22:16,697 –> 00:22:25,257So what I typically say to kids and parents is that if you get an inappropriate.28400:22:26,477 –> 00:22:31,117Correspondence, whether it be a text or if it’s a post, then you want to screenshot28500:22:31,117 –> 00:22:32,837it because you want to keep the proof.28600:22:33,037 –> 00:22:39,557A lot of times kids will automatically delete it and then there’s not really any proof.28700:22:39,797 –> 00:22:44,597So when the parents go to talk to another parent or go to talk to the school28800:22:44,597 –> 00:22:50,097administration, then there’s not really any proof and, and they need to keep that.28900:22:50,177 –> 00:22:54,517So I say screenshot everything and then, and then take it from there.29000:22:55,197 –> 00:22:58,117A lot of times people will say, ignore the bully.29100:22:59,077 –> 00:23:03,757That helps. So it depends on what type of bullying it is.29200:23:04,297 –> 00:23:08,097Okay. What do you mean? Like, is there, what, what kind of type of bullying29300:23:08,097 –> 00:23:12,257would I not opt to ignore if I had the option? Yeah.29400:23:13,266 –> 00:23:18,366So I don’t know if you heard the story. There were two 12-year-old girls who29500:23:18,366 –> 00:23:26,886bullied another 12-year-old in Florida to the point where the victim felt so29600:23:26,886 –> 00:23:28,566harassed that she committed suicide.29700:23:29,126 –> 00:23:32,186Yeah, I know there’s been a few cases like that. Right.29800:23:32,366 –> 00:23:40,346So and what the bulliers did is they just incessantly told her that she was29900:23:40,346 –> 00:23:42,686ugly, that she should go kill herself.30000:23:42,806 –> 00:23:49,406And they did it over and over and over to the point that the victim did actually kill herself.30100:23:49,606 –> 00:23:53,866And it happens over and over. I mean, we hear more stories of that kind that30200:23:53,866 –> 00:23:56,226we want to hear. It’s devastating.30300:23:56,866 –> 00:24:02,126So those are things that you don’t ever want to ignore. When somebody says that30400:24:02,126 –> 00:24:06,066to you, then you need to screenshot it and you need to go to a trusted adult.30500:24:06,226 –> 00:24:11,226If it’s not your parent, then go to a favorite aunt, a neighbor, a favorite teacher.30600:24:11,406 –> 00:24:16,226But you need to have those conversations because the weight that that bears30700:24:16,226 –> 00:24:18,486on a victim is just so heavy.30800:24:18,486 –> 00:24:24,666And we talked a little bit about teenagers brain that they’re just not biologically.30900:24:25,406 –> 00:24:28,406Equipped to handle attacks like that31000:24:28,406 –> 00:24:33,806over and over and over so those are the things that you wouldn’t anything that’s31100:24:33,806 –> 00:24:38,926a physical threat anything that’s incessant anything that says go kill yourself31200:24:38,926 –> 00:24:43,766those are are types of threats that should never be ignored those are the big31300:24:43,766 –> 00:24:45,506red flags that you need to act upon.31400:24:45,846 –> 00:24:50,506Right. And if it’s, and if it’s nonstop, if it’s just, if it’s continuing,31500:24:50,706 –> 00:24:53,126if it continues, if it’s a one-time comment.31600:24:54,246 –> 00:25:01,406Sometimes you can chalk that up to kid just being dumb and sending that out.31700:25:01,466 –> 00:25:09,206But if it, that what, where it crosses the line, if it’s continuous and incessant. Sure.31800:25:10,026 –> 00:25:14,646You know, I think it’s important, it would seem to me, I think, because, you know.31900:25:15,651 –> 00:25:20,931Not to be pessimistic or anything, but I think it’s safe to say that bullying is not going to go away.32000:25:21,051 –> 00:25:24,571I know I experienced when I was growing up, I admit, I own it.32100:25:24,591 –> 00:25:27,831There was a few times I got punched in the boys’ bathroom, you know,32200:25:27,831 –> 00:25:32,971going through, you know, middle school and what have you. And I think bullying32300:25:32,971 –> 00:25:34,311is always going to be there.32400:25:34,371 –> 00:25:37,551And I think part of that conversation that parents need to have with their children32500:25:37,551 –> 00:25:42,911is the fact that they acknowledge the fact that it goes on and that it could be a part.32600:25:43,131 –> 00:25:45,871Maybe their child’s not willing to talk to them about it yet,32700:25:45,911 –> 00:25:49,151but they know that it’s going on. And to let them know, hey, it’s okay.32800:25:49,371 –> 00:25:54,211It happens. You shouldn’t pay it a lot of attention, right? And kind of talk32900:25:54,211 –> 00:25:56,411to them about the fact that it’s the other person.33000:25:57,051 –> 00:25:59,611It’s something wrong with the other person doing the bullying,33100:25:59,711 –> 00:26:02,191not necessarily them. So maybe33200:26:02,191 –> 00:26:08,111they, maybe that helps them not internalize it so much. Right. Right.33300:26:08,691 –> 00:26:18,491So that’s such a great point is that bullies are typically acting from insecurities.33400:26:18,551 –> 00:26:24,991So if they can bring somebody down, it makes them rise a little bit.33500:26:25,011 –> 00:26:28,791Yeah. So. So they think. Exactly. Exactly.33600:26:29,431 –> 00:26:32,731And bullying happens at different levels.33700:26:32,811 –> 00:26:39,151So as a guy, we don’t hear so much about boys being cyberbullied.33800:26:39,291 –> 00:26:40,911It happens. It definitely happens.33900:26:41,111 –> 00:26:48,291But typically, girls are a little tougher in this area, and their techniques34000:26:48,291 –> 00:26:52,791are a little bit different. They don’t usually involve physical violence.34100:26:52,991 –> 00:26:57,551So sometimes adults are a little bit slower to respond or take it seriously.34200:26:58,031 –> 00:27:03,691So if your child, as a parent, if your child comes to you and talks about being34300:27:03,691 –> 00:27:06,251bullied, don’t blow it off.34400:27:06,451 –> 00:27:12,591You need to take that conversation seriously because when a child comes to you,34500:27:12,771 –> 00:27:18,631that means it’s gotten a little out of control. That’s pretty serious at that point. Right. Right.34600:27:19,450 –> 00:27:23,650So shifting gears again here real quick, this one has me really curious,34700:27:23,910 –> 00:27:29,430at least the latter half, setting expectations and consequences with your kids.34800:27:29,550 –> 00:27:31,110What’s that all about? What do I do?34900:27:31,590 –> 00:27:35,490So we talked about the technology usage contract.35000:27:35,850 –> 00:27:44,390So definitely have a contract sounds so legal and boring, but it’s they’re really35100:27:44,390 –> 00:27:47,010just talking points is what the contract is.35200:27:47,010 –> 00:27:52,670And so that you’ve talked about all these specific things with your child and you’ve agreed to them.35300:27:52,890 –> 00:27:58,550So the beginning point is the contract. You have those conversations and then35400:27:58,550 –> 00:28:04,930you as the parent should have your children help you with those consequences.35500:28:04,970 –> 00:28:08,270And you’ll be amazed at what they come up with.35600:28:08,410 –> 00:28:12,010They are much tougher than anything that you would have come up with.35700:28:12,010 –> 00:28:18,250But the nice thing about having them included in the consequences part of it35800:28:18,250 –> 00:28:23,410is that they’ll have more buy-in because they’re creating the consequence for themselves. Sure.35900:28:23,710 –> 00:28:28,210And the thing about consequences, so I can’t tell you exactly what consequence36000:28:28,210 –> 00:28:32,910because that’s going to be a family by family situational issue.36100:28:33,836 –> 00:28:40,776Conversation and what they come up with. But what I would say to the parents36200:28:40,776 –> 00:28:45,876is that once you decide what those consequences are, you want to make sure that36300:28:45,876 –> 00:28:48,456you as the parent can enforce them.36400:28:48,756 –> 00:28:55,256A lot of times, you know, the kids will say, well, I’ll lose my cell phone for two weeks.36500:28:55,836 –> 00:28:59,616And you know that you’re going to go on a trip or they’re going to go on a trip36600:28:59,616 –> 00:29:02,156and you’re going to of want them to have their phone with them.36700:29:02,496 –> 00:29:05,616Well, that’s going to be unenforceable. So you kind of want to think through36800:29:05,616 –> 00:29:09,196those consequences and make sure that you can follow through on them.36900:29:09,836 –> 00:29:14,496So that’s one thing. The second thing is to make sure that you consistently37000:29:14,496 –> 00:29:19,476enforce any consequences that you have come up with.37100:29:19,896 –> 00:29:23,836So if you’re not enforcing them, then they’re pretty much useless.37200:29:24,156 –> 00:29:27,296Useless. Yeah, I think that’s key is actually follow through and do what you37300:29:27,296 –> 00:29:29,796say and not just the threat of the consequence, right?37400:29:29,876 –> 00:29:33,716Sometimes parents, I think, get a little confused with friendship versus parenting,37500:29:33,896 –> 00:29:39,156and the parenting side says you need to follow through and enforce those consequences.37600:29:40,256 –> 00:29:45,296Right. So that’s probably one of the biggest things. Sure. Yep. Understood.37700:29:46,016 –> 00:29:50,836So out of all this stuff we’ve talked about today, and we’ve talked about an37800:29:50,836 –> 00:29:56,996awful lot, What’s the biggest takeaway for parents in dealing with smartphones,37900:29:57,336 –> 00:30:00,556smart devices, mobile devices in general with their children?38000:30:01,316 –> 00:30:08,356I would say communicate. I think that that’s probably your your biggest key38100:30:08,356 –> 00:30:11,096for success is just open those lines of communication.38200:30:11,536 –> 00:30:15,416Keep them consistent. Talk to them often.38300:30:17,036 –> 00:30:20,796Cyber cyber safety conversations are not one time conversations.38400:30:20,796 –> 00:30:22,456They just have to be continuous.38500:30:24,114 –> 00:30:28,134Talk to your kids about what to look for, especially, you know,38600:30:28,134 –> 00:30:32,634things that are a lot of times we’ll talk to our kids about stranger danger.38700:30:32,794 –> 00:30:36,394Oh, you know, that person looks scary, so I’ll avoid them.38800:30:36,454 –> 00:30:39,994But online, they never really know what that person looks like.38900:30:40,054 –> 00:30:48,734And so when they meet somebody online, then the picture that is there may not be the real person.39000:30:48,814 –> 00:30:52,194So it has to go past that. So you need to talk to them about,39100:30:52,314 –> 00:30:54,634you know, what are inappropriate questions?39200:30:54,874 –> 00:30:57,554What should I share? What should I not share?39300:30:57,894 –> 00:31:02,034Things that they should never share are, you know, personal information. What’s your address?39400:31:02,554 –> 00:31:08,554How old are you? That’s an inappropriate question if it’s followed up with,39500:31:08,614 –> 00:31:10,694you know, other types of things.39600:31:10,874 –> 00:31:16,114So you just want to have those kind of conversations with our kids and don’t39700:31:16,114 –> 00:31:20,234expect them to know it because they don’t know it. Well, Kathy,39800:31:20,374 –> 00:31:25,174this has been a great talk, and I hope our audience gets a lot out of it. I know I have.39900:31:25,434 –> 00:31:29,854And, yeah, it’s been great having you on today, and we want to thank you.40000:31:30,314 –> 00:31:34,314For those of you listening, be sure to check out CyberSavvy.com.40100:31:35,394 –> 00:31:38,634There’s a lot of good information out there, and it also gives you an opportunity40200:31:38,634 –> 00:31:44,674to look over the classes and services that Kathy’s company, CyberSavvy, offers you.40300:31:44,714 –> 00:31:48,494So be sure and check that out. and Kathy, we want to thank you once again for40400:31:48,494 –> 00:31:51,034joining us today. Thanks so much. Thanks for having me, Jim.40500:31:51,440 –> 00:32:14,840Music.

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Navigating the Digital World: A Parent’s Guide with Cyber Savvy, Part 1

Overview Season 1: Episode 2, Part 1 In this episode, we engage in a compelling conversation with Kathy Loomis of Cyber Savvy. Cyber Savvy’s mission is to…

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